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I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now. He is the most wonderful guy in the world and we love each other very much. However, there are a few couples (and one in particular) that he is close to and hangs out with often whom, for some reason which I have not quite figured out yet, I cannot stand! I respect these two people for having been good friends to my b/f (it seems that they reciprocate a lot doing each other various favours), but I really have a strong aversion towards hanging out with them. What's more, I feel that they want me and my b/f to spend a lot of time with them and (usually with another group), we all do! I can tell that my b/f really enjoys their company but I'm not sure how much more I can take. They just really annoy me and I feel that most of my problems would be solved if they moved to a different city! (I know, I hate myself for even thinking this!)

My b/f and I met through a different couple, whom I didn't know very well, but who is closer to my age and mentality. We used to hang out with them and "their group" a lot more, but it seems that lately we hang out more and more with the couple I hate and "their group". I'm sick and tired of always having to go for coffee with all of them. I just sit there, bored to death, look at them, and think about how much I hate them.

I think another reason why I feel so resentful towards them IS b/c my b/f is so protective of them. He is a very realistic type of guy, but whenever it comes to them, he'll NEVER, even jokingly, admit that they have a vice.

Uggghhhh... We were all out at a party last night, and I was surrounded by the couple through whom we met and some other people that I have missed and have not seen for a long time and I realized how unhappy I have been because I don't feel that I'm hanging out with the right friends. (In addition, I have a bit of a social anxiety/phobia to begin with and I am very picky about who I spend time with. I hate having my personal space and boundaries invaded.)

What am I supposed to do about this??? I feel so filled with hatred, it almost makes me want to get counselling! I'm feeling also so desperate and thinking about a way of making them move away (I know they had considered it and are thinking about selling their business).

Please help or point me to a forum or article that deals with these situations 'cause I have not been able to find anything online (guess I'm the only freak stuck in feeling like this!)

Thanks.
All of us mesh with different types of people. You have the right to not particularly care for this couple, just as your boyfriend has the right to not care for friends of yours. If he is a good boyfriend, he will be willing to compromise.

Maybe you can take control of the situation by being a little more proactive in makin plans for the two of you, maybe insisting on alone time for just the two of you or making plans for you two to go out with other couples that YOU like. It will leave less time to spend with the couple you don't like.

You will probably have to give in and spend a little time with them. When this happens, invite others that you like to come along so you can talk to them instead. You only need to be civil to them: you don't need to fake liking them.

I'm a therapist as well as a client of a therapist, and I know that counseling can only help. It sounds like it would benefit you anyway, since you mentioned a bit of social anxiety. Imagine this: your boyfriend knows about the social anxiety. You start seeing a counselor for that and after a couple of sessions, you mention that the counselor says it may be helpful if he sits in to talk about ways he can help. At that point, the situation with the other couple could be brought up in a non-threatening way. (Therapists are trained well in how to do this sort of thing).

Good luck. Just remember that it is important for both parties in a relationship to be flexible.
I, too, think counseling would be a great idea for you. No, you don't "have" to like all of the people you come into contact with, but I don't think it's healthy to be sitting there silent, bored and filled with hatred when you're not in your circle of friends.

I would also think that counseling for your social anxiety disorder may help you in other areas of your life you may not even realize you have a problem with.

Life is too short to be picky about who's around you in a social setting. Most of the time, we have little control over that. Sure, sometimes personalities clash and we all run across folks we might not want to vacation to Europe with, but unless we're talking about pure obnoxious or violent behavior, I would bet that counseling could help you get to a point where your fun isn't ruined simply by being in the company of other people.

And like the PP mentioned, make some plans for your BF and you with the couple that introduced you!





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