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wow. okay. i also, like some of the previous posters, remember you speaking of him in a different thread. his behaviour in this case really pissed me off.

1. he needs to speak to a pastor about this....

you are telling us, a 32 year old man cannot make up his own mind on something this important? i could almost understand if he were a kid, but at 32, you should have enough life experience to understand people's lives don't start once you meet them. if he needs another person to dish out approval/disapproval on his life he is a follower and not someone i'd want to share my time with. is he going to consult the pastor on, say, how many kids u guys could have if you got married??

2. he sleeps at your house and makes out,etc.

i once had a devout christian girlfriend who would do [U]everything[/U] (including oral sex) except for penal penetration. sorry, but isn't the point of abstinance, saving your body/sexuality for your married partner? i agree with the previous poster who said to ask the pastor about his own discretions.

3. are you marrying GOD? No. He is human, therefore subject to imperfections as the rest of us are. since when does a fellow human being have right to pass judgement on someone else; he is definitely not perfect, but he chooses to pass judgement (his "superior morality" apparently allows him to do so) only what he believes is important to be 'moral' about. hypocritical in my books.

4. the fact that he said you will never be able to bring up your sexual past concerns me. i'm sure it will not be as if you will go up to him and say "hey remember that guy i did?" BUT to have it forbidden, means he finds it degrading and sinful and i bet he values you less. and if he does still want to be with you but forbids this topic, then he is a christian who is turning a blind eye to his beliefs and that is hypocritical (is like those religious fanatics who say love your neighbour, but then murder and say god will forgive them).

5. If he returns with the attitude that he will love you in spite of what you did you should seriously consider if he is worth having around. a healthy relationship involves loving or at least accepting the WHOLE person, not just parts...unconditional love ring a bell?

6. were you supposed to live your life knowing that he wouldn't like non-virgins?

7. it also bothers me that you have repeatedly said you wish you had lied and you regret what you did. those negative self-comments reinforce your apparent inferiority. i am not a believer in regretting the past, you can't change it, and there is always a lesson to be learned. i am a believer that people do the best they can in whatever situation they are in, even if their best, in hindsight, was not 'good enough'

8. now is it up to him to forgive you? isn't a prominent rule of christianity forgiveness? i have seen (on Oprah) christians forgive people who murdered their family members in the name of their faith. personally, i would not give him the chance to forgive me...that sends the msg that he IS morally superior and i'm sure it will always be held over your head. besides, he has no authority to forgive you.

9. all that being said, i can undrstnad that he needed time to get away and think. something he held so dear to him, a core belief for 32 years, has now been shaken because the person he is in love with conflicts his beliefs. i would give him space but would not be submissive about this. stand your ground. you are not beneath him b/c of this, do not let him belittle you.

keep us posted.

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