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I really need some support and advice. I'm a 23 year old female who has dated the same guy for the past 8 years. We got engaged 3 years and 2 months ago. When I first met him I was this happy girl who had lots of friends and was involved in school. As my relationship progressed he started being very controling over the fact that I had friends and did things with them. He played mind games with me and slowly I broke away from my friends and started feeling like I was nothing. He really broke me down to the point where I felt like I needed him to be complete and to feel good about myself. I stopped loving myself and turned the focus to loving him. Now, I'm engaged to him but I don't feel like an engaged woman should. In fact, he and I haven't planned anything for a wedding and have no intentions of doing so. Neither one of us really want to do that any time soon...but I don't know what he asked me to and I don't know why I said yes. Maybe I felt like it was the next step if I was going to stay with him. Anyway, I didn't go to college after high school. I just never couldn't decide on what I wanted to do with my life and I had no drive anymore. I had a good job with a major insurance company for awhile but became so depressed with my life that I stopped working there and felt like I couldn't get out of bed anymore. I live at home with my parents and have reached a bottom, in my opinion. I use to be this beautiful girl with all these great guys who wanted to date me but I picked the one who treated me like crap. I've gained 25 pounds in the past 2-3 years and that didn't help me feel any better about myself. I've gotten to where I depend on him. I feel like I have to have him there or I'll go crazy. Last night he told me that he was taking a trip to Florida with his friend and that I couldn't go. It bothered me for several reasons. 1- He would flip his lid if I ever tried to do something like that and make my life hell if I did go (which I wouldn't) and 2- It isn't fair to me that he can go on a trip and leave me here alone. 3- what is he going to do there that I can't go??? I didn't let him come over last night because I was so upset. He yelled at me and had this attitude like he was going and there was nothing I could do to stop him, etc. He never takes trips with me and he doesn't even want to spend much time with me anymore either so for him to make plans with a guy over me really hurts. I have no one to talk to about this except for my parents who tell me I need to get a job and meet people...that I need to joint a gym and meet people...that I need to get involved and let him sit at home and don't answer the phone to him.... They say that I could do so much better but for some reason I don't feel like I could. I feel like I can't breath just knowing that things could be over between isn't healthy to feel this way about anyone (especially someone who is verbally abusive) but I don't know how to break away and I dont know how to stop. I think it might be easier if I had friends to go out with and get my mind off of him but I dont. I'm by myself and I don't know how to work through this. Should I ignore him??? I just don't know how to move on and go on with my life....I feel so deeply depressed that I can't focus on anything but him.......... PLEASE HELP ME
And about the whole marriage thing, I know that he isn't the one for me...I really do know that...and I'm glad that we aren't married..but it hurts to know that I've spent 8 years of my life with someone and they don't want to marry me...I've done nothing to him to make him not want me...he's done everything to hurt me so I have my reasons....
Should I talk to him??? Should I be ok about this trip???? Should I break up with him???? Ignore him???? Give the ring back now???PLEASE....I really need help...It just isn't easy to say goodbye to someone you really love..... He was my first everything...My period is now late (but it always is) and I don't know if it is from stress or what.... I've taken 3 tests and all are negative...we use a condom but it lingers in the back of my mind so I'm also dealing with that..... my life feels like its over but yet I still have to live in this sadness every day. There is no escape from it and I feel like I'm going crazy with greef and sadness..
first off im gonna answer your question about you calling him. if yous broke up then no dont talk to him even if he calls dont pick up the phone. i know easier said then done ive been where your at right now and 5 years later im so glad im not with this guy anymore. we were togther for 2 years i met him when i was 17 and ended it when i was 19. this guy was a jerk he cheated on me he used drugs crack and herion and was very controlling with me it was ok for him to sleep with other girls if i just said hi to a guy he flipped on me i was every name in the book. my last straw was when i became pregnant with his baby at first i thought hell change well have this baby and hell become this diffrent guy i was sooo wrong he still cheated on me when i was pregnant i found out confronted him and he had the nerve to tell me he wanted both of us i dont think so i was 3 months pregnant than. about a week later i lost the baby so it made everything so much worse. the doctor told me it was due to stress that was the only explanition they had for me. and ill tell you for awhile its gonna be hard like my mom said i looked like a walking zombie thats how depressed i was but after a month of doing that i realized i was wasting my life i lost all this weight from not eating i just looked a mess. so i decided to go on a dating service a phone one at first i thought it was way to soon because to me all these guys on there sounding the same to me. i was just about to hang up and this guy sent me a message he sounded really nice we talked on the phone for 4 hours than decided to meet. now i can honestly say im very happy 5 years later me and this guy still togther we have our 3 year old son togther he just turned 3 february 13. and were engaged were planning on getting married augest 13 2008. this guy is everything to me and i can actually laugh with him all the time. i still think about my child i lost but when i do i look at my son now and realise it all happend for a reason. i know this is so long but i figure i would tell you my storey so you know your not the only one to go through this. but what ever you do dont answer his phone calls if hes anything like all thses guys out there hes gonna sweet talk you so yous dont break up and than a month later be that same guy again. you should be with a good guy not with a jerk.

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