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Thank you both for your advice. I'm in tears after reading your post's. In answer to the last post as to why I've let him do this to me... I don't have one certain thing that I can reason out. I've let it get this far because I've become so isolated and addicted to this man. I have no real reason to hate myself but I've learned to hate me. I can't even explain it but it is there. I went through my room about an hour ago and put everything of his in a box and taped it up. I'm thinking of dropping it on my driveway and letting him come get it. It breaks my heart to look back at how happy I use to be (before him) and how much better I felt about my life. I passed up some really nice guys along these 8 years who both told me that this guy wasn't right for me. They warned me then. One of them was heartbroken that I wouldn't give him a chance and I remember him saying "I know that you wont pick me, but promise me that you wont end up with him" I think I've brainwashed myself into believing that love is about sacrafice. I'm sure that it is to a degree but this is obviously out of control. I've allowed this to happen so I can't blame him completely. I have my moments through the day where I start to feel stronger and good about trying to move on... Then out of the blue it will hit me that I'll be sitting alone tonight.
What did I ever see in him???? What do I still see in him???? He wasn't even loving... He shows no emotion and only a few times can I look back and remember a tender moment. They were few and far between.
The hardest part is not having anyone friends anymore.
My parents love me more then anyone. My father told me to be thankful that I still have both my parents. He said he'd give anything to have his mother and father back. They have supported me in everything I've ever gone for...except for him. They allowed him into there home but never thought that he was the one for me. My mom knew this from day 1. She just has a feeling but I didn't listen.
I know things will get better with time. I just dread the tears and heartache that is approaching.
I'm going to challenge myself to go out on Monday and job hunt. I would do it this week but it's just too much all at once and I don't think I'd be so focused if I tried to do it today.
One good thing about this is that I'm eating out of being bored anymore. Stress like this always changes my eating habits so maybe I'll benefit.
Again, thank you for your support. Between you guys and my parents, I hope to get through this easier...if that is possible. :-(....
Maybe I'll try to contact my best friend from childhood. I haven't talked to her in about 3 years and I know she's got a degree and moved 12 hours away...I'm almost embarassed to tell her about my life since it sounds so pathetic but maybe she'll understand. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and try to pick up these broken pieces. I'll keep you posted. :angel:
Cathrine and whoever else was dealing with a controlling boyfriend, I just have to say this, please, please, PLEASE do not stay with a boyfriend who is so controlling and insecure. It will NEVER get better. Even if you talk to them and explain what the problem is, they may promise to do better and promise to change... and they may change for a time... but it will not last.

I have seen it so many times. I was in a relationship like that. It was miserable but I was so worried to be alone... I didn't realize that I was afraid. I thought I was in love... but it was so far from love.

There is nothing better than a healthy happy relationship! Seriously, you will KNOW the difference immediately. My husband is proof of that to me. Life is just too short to be living like that. This is the ONLY life you will get, do not waste it on a man who doesn't care or respect YOU. And that is exactly what it is... they do not care - it is not love. It is an ego trip and a control issue.

Sorry - I don't mean to sound harsh, I just hate to see someone be in that situation. Enjoy your life!!!

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