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Re: Female Friend
Feb 21, 2007
I know you love this man, but there are some warning signs you seem to not want to see.
1) The text message saying "Hi sexy" to another female. There is absolutely no reason a man who is in love would text this to another female. The excuse that "that's how I talk to women" is just an excuse. He gets a thrill out of saying that sort of thing; he knows it's not the behavior of a man who is commited and in love; he doesn't care, because he knows you will wait for him for as long as it takes.
2) He is still living with his wife. The excuse that he doesn't want to lose everything in the divorce and that he has children are, again, excuses. Plenty of people separate, move out, divorce, and move on. He does not want to move on at this point. You could be waiting years and years and he may never truly commit to only you! Sure he'll lose a lot if he divorces -- but usually assets are split 50%/50% and most states don't require him to pay alimony (though he will have to pay child support). But even if he had to pay alimony and lose a lot, if he wanted to divorce and move on and start a life with you, he would. Trust me, you don't want to waste your youth, your prime waiting...waiting...waiting...
3) He complains about losing everything in a divorce, then says he plans to buy his wife a car. Hello?
4) He calls you his "trophy girlfriend." That is not the sign of a man who is in love and wants to get married. That is the sign of a man who wants a trophy girlfriend, will tell her whatever he has to to keep her around, and doesn't want to make a commitment.
5) He doesn't want his wife to know about you. That is because you are his "back-up," and she is his priority.

I hope you do not feel hurt or offended by what I'm writing. The thing about men is, you really need to look at their actions, not their words, to see what it is they really want. If you forget his words, is he actually DOING anything that show he wants a real realtionship with you?
Again, I know you love him, but you really truly deserve so much more.

I think you should start talking to other guys, preferably in their 20's, and dating some. It doesn't hurt to date, to be open to finding love with someone else. You don't have to rush anything, just date others, too, and see how many great guys there are out there who will actually want a REAL relationship.

I know how hard it is to even think about letting go or starting another relationship, but it doesn't hurt to think about it.

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