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Relationship Health Message Board


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Sounds to me like you really need to do some soul searching and get in touch with your emotions. How do you feel when you are at a party and you see people around you getting drunk and stumbling around acting like idiots? How do you feel when you see a girl drunk and passed out and you see a guy carry her into a bedroom? Perhaps you have ethical issues about losing control and drinking to excess and acting like a fool. I When I was a teenager, a very young teenager, my friends used to get drunk and act like idiots. I don't recall getting mad, but I did develop a real distaste for sitting there watching everyone get drunk. Teenagers act like idiots when they are drunk, and it was because I just wasn't raised to think it's cool and fun to blow out brain cells and lose control and lower your inhibitions and act like an idiot. Perhaps you have ethical issues with people behaving in such way and knowing that your girlfriend enjoys acting in such a way causes conflict within you because perhaps on one level, you care for her, but on another level, you really don't want to date a party girl. Get in touch with who you are, what you stand for and why, what kind of people you want to associate with, and what kind of girl you really want to be in a relationship with. Instead of getting mad at your girl for not being who you want her to be, maybe you need to go find a girl who is more in keeping with your values and views. I dated a guy once who didn't drink very often but when he did, he could really put it away. I got upset and even mad when I saw him drink like that because I knew his father was an alcoholic and I know that alcoholism is biologically and environmentally inherited and I knew I loved him, but didn't want to be in a serious relationship with an alcoholic or someone who might become one. So instead of leaving him, like I should have, and finding a nice, proper tee-totaler, I got mad at him for drinking more than I thought he should, I guess on some level hoping that he would see my irritation, and care enough about me to want to not irritate me anymore and therefor abstain from drinking so much. I didn't want to leave him because I loved him, but I also wanted him to become more like the kind of guy I really dreamed of being with. That's a no no :nono: not good to hope someone will change and be something other than what they are. Sounds to me like you may have the same issues with your girl. Do some good long hard soul searching. It's ok to have standards and values, and it's ok to want to surround yourself with people who are like minded. Personally, I think it's ok to even be a little judgmental. I mean, that's what having values is, to use an extreme example, some people swing, some couples go out and have sex with other couples and switch partners and all that stuff. Some people find that gross. Someone who is very opposed to that most likely judges people who are into that, and therefore, would not make a good match with someone who would want to swing. It's about finding someone with matching "rules for life."





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