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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hi everyone, I am here to ask if anyone has any advice for me. Let me tell you my story. My husband and I have been married for 4 years tomorrow. 8 months after we got married my husband and I decided to try to have a baby this was in October of 2003. After a year and a 1/2 of no success we seeked help. My husband got tested first because it was the cheapest first test, well it turned out we did not have to search much futher. My husband has no live sperm and the doctors told us there was no way he could ever father his own child. Obvisoully you could imagine that this just destryoed him. My husband became very depressed, he became very with drawn, he would not talk to me, look at me, he really wanted nothing to do with me. I truely felt the end was coming for our marriage, this went on for about 4 months. At this point I made the most stupid mistake of could of ever made. I started having an affair, I know what you are all probably thinking, how could I cheat on my husband after he just got this awful news, but I truly thought that at any minute he was going to tell me that it was over between us. Anyway, I was dealing with my husband basically making me feel like I did not exist the romance was completely gone. I ended up meeting someone that I worked with. It started off us just being really good friends, we had a lot in common, I talked to him about the troubles that my husband and I were having, and he listened. Then all the sudden on day, this other man started telling me how stupid my husband must be for treating me the way he does, he would tell me that if I were with him that he would treat me like the beatuiful person that I am. He told me that he loved my eyes, my smile, my laugh, you name he said it. Well I fell for it, at that point I did not care who was telling me all these sweet nice things I was just happy that some one cared and that some one was paying attention to to me. I started to really like this guy, like turned into love or so I thought and then I was in to deep. I finally felt so bad that I new I had to tell my husband because I was getting to confussed about what I wanted anymore. So I told him and he did not even care, he told me that it was probably better for me so that I could be with a man that made me happy and that could give me the child that I wanted. I ended up moving out of the house and in with this other man. I was there for about a week and right away I knew it was wrong, I know I did not want tot be there. I wanted to be with my husband. I left the other man, moved in with my parents and fought every day to fix my marriage with my husband. We did some counseling, did alot of talking and after 7 months of seperation I moved back home with my husband. Now, here is the current problem, when I moved back home everything was great, he completely forgived me for what I had done, he said he understood and even took some blame for it, he said if he would of not of been so unattached this porbably never would have happend( I do not blame him at all, I was weak and there is no excuse for) but the point is he forgave me. Well since I have been back and everything was going great we decided to try to have a baby again, we are seeing infertilty doctors, and doing IVF, so far no luck, well even though we are taking steps to fix our baby problem, he seems to be going back to his old self. He is becoming very distint, he does not talk, when he is home he just sits there and watches tv and it is like I am not even there, we hardly ever make love, or have much of a connection, I ask him all the time and he says he is fine, but that is what he said befoer also. I do not want to make the same mistake as I did last time, nor do I want our marriage to fail. I love my husband very much and I am asking for any and all advice that you all could give me.

Thank you so much for reading this very long post, if you made it this far, please, any help would be appreciated. I just want to have a great marriage and hopfully start our family soon.

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