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Relationship Health Message Board


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No problem hon {{hug}}

I think in your position I would be keeping an eye on my husbands behaviour and measuring it against hers, I'd be doing a bit of comparing re behaviour to gauge what is considered normal behaviour here. What I'm getting at is this: Would your husband ever dream of calling her the day after HER wedding to ask advice or look for support over something as easily managed as the child having difficulty sleeping? No? I didnt think so. When something feels wrong and smells wrong, it's usually wrong. I dont want anyone to misconstrue what I'm saying here, though no doubt some people will. I'll give you a little bit of my background to give you an idea of where I'm coming from:

When I found out I was pregnant the biological father of my child disappeared - later that day! So when I refer to my sons father here, I am talking about the man who raised him with me. He held my hand in the delivery ward, loved my son as his own and WAS my sons father, in every way that mattered. We separated when my son was 4 1/2, but in the four years that followed that, until the day he died, my sons father took him almost every weekend, about four weekends out of five. He'd pick him up from school friday and I wouldnt see the child till sunday night. Everything was fine for the first year or so - until he met his new girlfriend.

She was so embittered with jealousy it was unreal. I knew by her behaviour that she had serious issues, but I actually didnt know the half of it until my sons father died and his mother told me about the constant tearful phonecalls she was bombarded with regarding her boyfriends relationship with his son. His girlfriend didnt regard him to be his son at all, and because there was no blood link she felt terribly cheated and angry and bitter towards my son, who, God love him, was only a little boy who loved the man he'd always known to be his dad. She caused all sorts of problems, even trying to stop my ex turning up for our sons communion day when he was seven years old!

I never interfered with their relationship, I had moved on and was happy to have done, things hadnt worked out between us but he was still a great dad and that was all I wanted from him. I really see your side of this Bettybee, because all I wanted was a woman who'd be accepting of and kind to my little boy. From what you've said, you have gone to lengths with this child that I wouldnt have dared hope for in a girlfriend of his. I wasnt asking her to sit in mediation for months or to give 50% of her time towards raising my son, and with all that she put us through, to have even [I]thought[/I] of an attitude like that would have boggled my mind! As I've said, it just would have been too much to hope for. Dont listen to any nonsense Bettybee, because having been in the other womans shoes, I can tell you, in short I'd have given a lot for him to have found my son a stepmom like you.





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