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Re: Now I'm Mad
Mar 1, 2007
Thanks everyone. You know sometimes I do start to think that way...that maybe I am too good for him...but then that seems like such a snobby way to think. I wouldn't ever want to think I was better than someone just because they're an addict, heaven knows I've got a pretty addictive personality myself. And even though he is very accomplished it just seems like such a sad and wasted way to live. It makes me even sadder that he doesn't have any kind of real, enduring connections to anyone...it all revolves around getting high. It's my own opinion of course, but I don't think drug addicts know how to experience true happiness. Because you're always off chasing some elusive high instead of noticing all of the beauty around you. Like the time we took a vacation to the beach. I was so excited just to be going, but my boyfriend had to make sure he had plenty of weed and alcohol to tide him over. I just think I'd like to find someone who can enjoy simple things the way I do.

Actually we don't live together. We [I]were[/I] going to - we rented an apartment back in November. But it just sat there...he never moved any of his furniture or anything in. We had one chair...and that was it. It was weird. And then I found out through somebody else that he stopped paying the rent almost two months ago. I'm kind of ticked because I was the one who ended up dumping so much money into the place - I think I paid the majority of the first two month's rent, the light bill, and the security deposit. He was supposed to pay everything from then on. :mad: But the truth is I didn't really want to live with him any way...so I'm glad it didn't work out.

I guess the problem is inertia. And laziness. I'm the laziest person I know. I've tried to break up with him several times. I can't imagine why the heck he'd want to stay with me. I don't understand, because I'd think he'd rather find a girl like him who is into drugs and doesn't give him grief about it. But he insists we're perfect for each other :rolleyes: Yeah, perfect, except for the part where I'm unhappy and can't stand him.

I showed him the messages, which he didn't seem too concerned about. He says the guy is just crazy. Okay, well, that's not reassuring. Mentally, I've been moving away from the relationship for a long time. My heart hasn't been in it...and I've told him this. That I'm not in love with him. But he's so stubborn.

He's planning on moving across country soon, and of course wants me to go with him. I just don't think I can. Because nothing is going to change. So hopefully he'll go, and I can stay behind. And that will solve things. I mean, I'm sure at first the novelty of being in a new city will keep me busy, but if I'm unhappy with him here, I know that I'm not going to feel any different no matter where we are.





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