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Wow, this is tricky!! Well, every situation is different, and only you can tell who your heart speaks to more, but all I can say is what I myself experienced -

I was in a very similar situation as you are in now, dating a guy who kept dumping me because I wasn't "good enough" and got asked out by another nice guy, didn't exactly turn him down, but didn't say yes immediately as enthusiastically as I could have, I said let me think about it and gave him my number and told him to call me at home (he asked me out in the office in front of other co-workers and I didn't want to say yes in front of them) but he never called. I asked why and said if I had to think about it that hard, the answer would probably be no, so I focused on crazy ultra-Christian man, and he drove me nuts, had me jumping through hoops trying to be the good person he wanted me to be, and he dumped me in the end and ended up with someone with many qualities he swore he didn't want. I regret that period in my life with every fiber of my being. That was many many years ago and not a week goes by that i don't think how my life would have turned out if I had only said yes to the nice office guy right away. Everyone says another man is right around the corner and we get an unlimited number of chances, but in my experience, that simply isn't true. After 10 years of dating, clubbing, joining every online dating site known to man, I haven't even had so much as a second date in all that time. Now at 42 and too old for children, and have a better chance at getting hit by lightening than finding a quality husband, my future looks dim love/relationship/family wise. Sometimes, life really truly does only give you one chance. I used to think that was so untrue, I thought I'll follow my heart and play this out with ultra_Christian guy and see where it goes, and if it ends, it'll hurt but I'll be ok, and I know I'll find someone else pretty soon, there was no way you could have told me that wasn't true, but it just wasn't. That's not how it played out. Use your head as well as your heart in making this decision. I would say, if you can't unabashedly say "yes!! I know this is my soul mate, my best friend, the one I can trust completely, the one I know will make me happy forever!!" about either one, back up and don't commit. I'd call off the trip to Spain, tell Spain guy you care about him but no longer feel solid, still can't trust him, you want to hang with him but date other people and tell nice guy you'r sorting things out with spain guy and need time to make a choice and take your time and casually date them both, if neither minds, and see how you feel down the line.
Hmm...being treated like a princess vs. a nasty ride that involves moodiness and unpredictibility. I think you're opting for the good choice here ;)

As to why everyone else loves him and you find his actions and words to you unacceptable? Well, I think in some cases, certain traits are great to have in friends, but not so great in a romantic relationship.

One of our best friends is anal-retentive, VERY set in his ways, a perfectionist and loves a heated debate. This is a great friend to have -- good to have this guy with you when buying a car, to help out with home projects (perfectionist), and keeps the conversation lively when it's election time -- but he can't keep a girlfriend. We love this guy to death as one of our friends, but I can honestly see why girlfriends would get very irritated with him very soon. FWIW, he's tried to change over the years, but at 44, he's accepted the fact that this is just who he is.

As to Mr. Spain specifically, I would question every one of his self-perceptions. He sounds very full of himself and thinks the world revolves around him.

And just for clarification, I understood what you wrote about the mom and the rude text. What I find exceptionally rude is his behavior during brunch. You having to try so hard to get a word out of him when he's meeting your mother for the first time is rude, IMHO, especially if it was obvious to your mom. Add to this the hoops he made you jump through the night before to even get him to commit to a time to meet your mom makes his behavior rude and childish.

I think it's great you're moving on :)





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