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I am at the end of my rope....I have been dating a girl off and on for about a year and we constantly fight about my Ex. I have two wonderful daughters that stay with me 50% of the time. I obviously have regular contact with my Ex in regards to them. My Ex does not care for my Girlfriend much and has made comments to the girls and to me about her. I have defended her (my Girlfriend) and told my Ex to knock it off. She has backed off for some time now. However, due to the custody arrangement we have we have regular contact. My Girlfriend hates it and we constantly argue about it. She thinks everytime my Ex calls it is to meddle in our life...this may have been the case at one time but it is not and has not been for some time now. I have broken up with my Girlfriend many times because of this and she says that she will change...I take her back and try to reasure her I don't return my Ex's calls or talk to her very much but there is this constant underlying hatred she has for her....I don't know what to do anymore...i love my Girlfriend, but sometimes I think it isn't meant to be...she just can't get past this issue...any advice out there?:confused:
You are caught in the middle.

Your Ex hates your girlfriend.

Your Girlfriend hates your Ex.

Do you even still have hairs? lol:jester:
I do...but I am at the point where I can't handle too much more....any advice for me?
Change girlfriend since ex and daughters you have to have in your life.
An ex wifes point of view here. Dont run away now!;)

Ok I left my husband when our son was just 7months old. Long story! We went through too much bs with lawyers and wound up at a duncan donuts one night with coffee in a parking lot sorting out what we wanted for our divorce. Took an hour and half. He of course didnt like who i was dating but he never meddled. I think that was mainly due to the fact that at that time that boyfriend wouldnt tolerate any bs from his as well. But my ex had a great girlfriend and we hit it off, it was too bad that they didnt in the end. There are a few things you need to make sure of and I know this might be too little to late but I have to say it.....
Make sure you are no longer in love with your ex, being apart is really what you want and that is that. And I mean both ways, if she was meddling was it because she is witch or because she wants you back. Ok that being said THEN you need to make sure your arrangements for your kids are straight between the two of you. Remember that your kids come before any woman or man in her case. You and your ex MUST be friends in order to have those kids grow up in any good way. Laugh together talk to eachother and when you are in disagreement talk it out and dont get pissy in front of those kids because let me tell ya they will use that against both of you. You need to sit with ex and make sure she knows that who ever you are going out with that she does not teach those kids that it's ok to talk about anyone badly.

Ok now for your girlfriend; does she like the kids? does she play with them? Do you see her as a mother herself? Do you see her having kids or just taking care of yours? Why does she not like your ex, is it becuase ex was being rude in the beginning of the relationship; if that is all then she needs to get over it. Your kids arent going anywhere thus neither is she so girlfriend needs to smarten up. If you have broken up with girlfriend before about this and she says she will change!!!!!! You need to smarten up cuz SHE WONT! You might think you love her but look at it yes the whole picture! Do you see her wanting to share 1/2 siblings with your ex? Think about that for a minute. What if you are done with kids and she wants them but doesnt want your other kids around on the weekends because it will be so hard for her to take care of all of them.

Listen I am a very strong woman, I learned to be a very "i dont give a damn" kind of person. So if i was dating someone and his ex was being rude and it stopped then I get over it. Also I would actually have confronted her myself and told her that that wont be happening and I wouldnt care if she had your kids or not, i wont be disrespected. Because no matter if she is your ex or not disrespect is disrepect and your ex would have either shut her mouth or gotten upset and boooo hoooo'd but it would have been over. Sooooo do you want a woman who revolves your life around her anger at your ex or do you want a woman who will look and laugh if ex tries to get in yoru way.? Your choice.

By the way the boyfriend who told my ex he wouldnt be pushed around I married! Have 3 more kids too boot!

First and foremost have a good relationship with your ex because you will see her till the day you die becuase of your kids! Girlfreinds may come and go untill you find the right one but ex will always be there. a healthy relationship with her is worth 100 times more than any one girlfriend. You can ask my son who will be 12 years old. He couldnt ask for more that my ex and i are freinds and that my 2nd husband whom my son thinks of as a father as well is also kind to my ex. I would never speak ill ever about my ex in front of my son, it was always a rule and always will be.

good luck
Thanks for the advice galinaqt...very true...that might be the only choice
Watch out! first step, get rid of the Ex, next the kids have to go..this female wants you all to herself. The past problems with the ex are just an excuse now...she feels threatened and is basically trying to make you choose. This will not get better. Like the others have said, the ex goes with the kids for life, can't have one without the other, how can this twit not see this..best wishes, Sera
Thanks for the advice Sera. I believe you may be right.
Maybe give your GF one more chance to be [I]good[/I];) If she cannot tollerate the EX wife then really you will have to choose your kids...they are the most important thing...[B]not the EX[/B]...the kids! If your EX truely is being mature as you say. If she's being possessive then it's going to hard for you to find anyone until your kids grow up(or the EX grows up) and you don't share them anymore because the EX is going to mess it up for you...gf after gf! It's not your GFs fault...she cannot help the way she feels but you don't have to put up with it either. Personally I couldn't stand an EX so I wouldn't EVER date anyone with kids and the EX has got to go...none of this "we're just friends BS" and talking daily and coming to visit. I don't go for that...the next thing you know they are moving back in!:rolleyes:
i understand this from both sides. i am the ex that does not like my stbxh's gf. and i am the gf that my bf's ex doesn't like and i don't care for her too much either.

the ex factor - my bf's ex wants him back. not for love but for money and security. so she has tried in every way she can to get back in with him. now she's using the kids. they did have the 50/50 thing going with their kids. but thats not good for them to be bounced back and forth. so now he has his son and she has his daughter. he has stopped all communication with her except for when it is about the kids. and not just anything about the kids. but it better be an emergency before she calls. she put things in the kids head and when they come home it takes a while to get them back in line. just because you and your ex have a good relationship doesn't mean shes playing by the rules. women tend to pick up on things that are said and done more then men do. so maybe your gf see's something that the ex is doing that you don't see.

the gf factor - my ex is with the women that he was with before he left me. so i have every reason to hate her. but she is good to my kids so i can't say too much. my ex and i have a good relationship. neither of us want each other back. but we still keep all conversations strictly kids. not chit chat. i don't like my bf's ex. she has put us both through a lot. in obvious ways and in sneaky ways. she tells the kids that are sooo not true. and that strains our relationship for a while. but his kids love me and i love them. but i do get a little jealous of his daughter when she is over for the weekend. i would never say anything or act out on it. but sometimes the things he says on those weekends and even when she's not there gets to me. she's only 3. and none of his or my kids asked for the split families that we all have become. when gf's are jealous of kids its not the kids themselves. but its that the most important things in your life are the kids that someone else gave you. sometimes thats hard to deal with. but if you love your gf and she loves you..then you can work it out.

you are correct in that blended families are tough. even if you break it off with your gf, you will always have to deal with the blended family in the next relationship. so if you love her and she loves you. and you each love each others kids and are good to them and they love you. then you should talk it over and maybe even see a counselor. try to work it out before you just give up...
[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2836696]I see a competition forming between my Girlfriend and my kids...on her part....she gets pissy when I spend my time with them and don't include her....I actually find the blending families thing pretty tough...I love my Girls more than life itself...they are everything to me and I will do everything to protect them...even if it means dropping the GF. I see her ultimately jeoprodizing my relationship with my Girls...I will not let that happen...I believe it is good to have a good relationship with my Ex...I actually took pride in the fact that we were so good to one another....and just for the record I don't have feelings for her like that anymore...I left her....however I do think she might have them for me deep down[/QUOTE]

First I want to say how wonderful it is that you have such a great relationship with your girls. I know so many dads who think nothing of their children when a relationship ends and it is so refreshing to hear of someone like you!

Second, it is a good thing to have a friendly relationship with your ex. How fortunate your children are not to be caught in the middle of some petty battle (anymore) and they can have both of their parents there for them and happy. They will be so much better off for it.

Third, your gf needs to get over it or you need to find yourself another gf. Yes, there were issues in the beginning, but you defended her and your ex backed off. I'm been the ex who didn't like the girlfriend. I said some not so nice things to my ex just like he said things to me about my now husband. But there becomes a point where you have to find a common ground. She is the one entering the picture. She adapts to the dyanmic, not try to change everyone else to suit her. If she can't handle the type of relationship you have with your girls then she needs to find a guy who doesn't have kids, plain and simple.
you need to get rid of the girlfriend. this is something that will always persist and never go away......you have kids.....that's not changing.
you need to find someone who will accept that.
Definitely consider telling your girlfriend that you can't continue if she is this jealous. It's not unrealistic to expect adults to try to get along. There are many women in this world that could handle this situation.
Thank you all for the kind support. I love my kids..
just be glad you have a good relationship with your ex for your kids sake. i wish my fiance had that with his ex he has a 5 year old little girl that he cant see because of me she feels that since they are not togther anymore than hes not a father anymore either he never had the chance to be a dad to this little girl she left him when she was 3or 4 months pregnant with there child then he met me when she was 8 months pregnant and we are very happy been togther for 5 years. but i wish we could get his daughter because we have a 3 year old son togther now my son has to suffer because of this. so if your gf cant see that yous have a good relationship for your kids than you should find someone that does understand and there are alot of girls out there that would understand. like some posters said youll always have your kids and your ex they are your family but girls will come and go.
[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2837547]Thank you all for the kind support. I love my kids..plain and simple...it hurts to end thing with the GF, but it would hurt me a hell of a lot more if my kids got hurt because of her....Thanks you all so much!!:)[/QUOTE]

its sad that you are ending your relationship with someone you love. if you are looking for someone to be perfect with the situation you have told us..you may wanna stay single until your kids are grown because its gonna be hard in any relationship you try to be in..unless it is back with your ex..good luck and best wishs...
I disagree with the advice to stay single. There can be a "balance", if the parties involved are mature and willing to work on it. I wouldn't put my life on hold until the kids are grown.
i also disagree with being single till the kids are grown. there are girls out there that will except the situation your in. or maybe im just weird because im one of the girls that can except that its 2007 now most of the time when you meet someone they have baggage there will be kids and exs invoved. im a gf i pressure my fiance to take his ex to court to get visitation because we have our son togther so my son has a half sister that he cant see until shes 18 because the mother is being a jerk. but the only reason he dont want to go to court is because shell start stuff with us her and her whole family. but you should be happy with someone it might take a little while but im sure youll find the right girl that can be understanding. dont put your life on hold because you have an ex and kids.
I think there may be some merit in staying single until the kids are grown or almost grown, much like Garth Brooks did, even though he's been in love with Trisha Yearwood for 20 years, he didn't marry her until the kids were well into their teens.

It's really hard to advise in this situation because there are three versions of the truth here, yours, your girlfriend's, and your ex wife's, and we are only hearing one version. How can we be sure your ex really did back off? That's your perception, but maybe she's just being more covert about it, maybe she's doing things behind your back to make your girlfriend miserable, we just don't know, and there's no way for us to really know. But if you have to be close to the ex wife and whomever you date has to be ok with her being in constant regular contact with you, and your kids demand your time, and perhaps they want you all to themselves and don't want to share you with the "potential new step monster", they want daddy all to themselves, asking any woman to be ok with always coming in third is a lot to ask. I just dated a guy with two kids and his son really wants a step mom but he said his daughter is very wary. I think girls are naturally very threatened when a new woman moves in on daddy, they think liking her is being disloyal to their mom, plus it's a territorial thing, girls have a hard time sharing their number one male role model, daddy, with a strange woman. It has to be handled very very delicately and carefully all the way around. It sounds like you've already had it up to here with the girlfriend and were about ready to dump her anyway. I don't know, it's hard to tell with only a little bit of one third of the story, but it could be this girlfriend just isn't a good fit, and maybe there are things about her totally separate from your ex and your kids that you aren't crazy about.

I can tell you though, as a single woman who has never married and never had kids, I don't think I would put up with a man who wanted to spend a large proportion of his time with his kids when I'm not invited. The ex thing I could handle if she were nice to me, if she were in my face, once you get into defence, "this is my territory now, back off" mode, it's hard to get out of it, even when the other person has "backed off" as you claim your ex has, but I actually wouldn't bet that's totally the case. I dont' know, there's a lot to think about, but your kids are number one, if you can't juggle the situation without putting any new woman third all the time, then staying single till the kids are at least in their teens sounds like a sensible option.
I agree that staying single is not the only option. If you date a woman who is interested in an adult relationship, she will make the effort. It doesn't matter whether the ex is trying to sabatoge. A smart woman will ignore it and handle it with grace.
Bullet is right, a woman who is focused and secure will just take it with pride and ride the wave on through and laugh at the little things.
THere can be a ballance withe the RIGHT woman. Your kids come first then your relationship with your ex does. Because your kids will see how you treat your ex and they will learn from that. Dont forget girls will want to have boyfriends that mimic their dads and boys their moms. But they wont ever admit that. If you hate or show you hate your ex then your kids will learn hate. Its bad enough that they will learn that outside of the home they dont have to learn about it inside. If you have a good relationship with her hten ride the wave and you'll find someone who wont be threatened. You dont have to introduce the kids to each girlfreind either. A date can just be a date and if it becomes more than you can introduce. I thought it funny when ex and I were talking about taking it slowly wehn it came to him going back out with his ex girlfreind(one before me) and she has two kids and he never wanted more than the one we have together so here we are talking about it. I thought it was funny! That is the find of friendship you should have. Keep up the good work! Thank you for taking what i said the way i meant it to be taken, some would think i was just being mean. LOL

OH and for the poster who said that her husband cant see his little girl! Well that woman should be sent to court by your husband! Show them the facts and get atleast visitation, it is his right! Dont let the legal fees make you not send her to court! Tell the court you want to pay child support and get your visitation so your son and that little girl will know eachother. The courts wont let you down when it comes to that. good luck
I have been taking in all the advice. I have also been taking time away from the GF...I need her to think about what has happened...she needs to have it sink in...I have contemplated thesingle thing till my kids are grown...I definately will not be introducing them to anyone else until I know it is for sure....they have been through enough ....they are really happy kids though....considereing the circumstances you would think they would be upset...but they have really become comfortable with the situation...I really work hard to make sure they there is not a moment that goes by that they don't feel loved....

As for the comments about me spending only time with my kids...that isn't what I meant....I include her a lot of the time...
Thank you all for all the wonderful support...I am so happy I found this site. You are all Great!!:)
I feel like you all have given me the support to actually end things with her...don't get me wrong I am not ending it because some of you think I should...I am because I think I should, but this time with your suport I feel like I can actually go through with it...there is hope that there are Women out there that will be okay with an EX..I just want to be happy and right now when we are together I am miserable...I want her to be happy too...she deserves to be happy...Thanks again Gang!!;)
Oh Hammer, you're quite welcome!
I believe you are doing the right thing, and yes I believe you will find someone who will accept the situation.
May you find peace and happiness in your life!
:angel:
There are mature women out there that are secure enough in themselves to handle an ex. A very good friend of mine is dating a guy that had been married and has three kids. My friend gets along so well with the ex that when they went to Mexico for vacation, EVERYONE went! The kids, my friend, the ex - all of them. They had a great time and will probably go again next year!
The good thing about this is the fact the kids SEE everyone getting along. It makes them more comfortable.
Don't give up on finding the right woman - She's out there!
[QUOTE=susieq0726;2839967] they went to Mexico for vacation, EVERYONE went! The kids, my friend, the ex - all of them. They had a great time and will probably go again next year![/QUOTE]

Thats just odd and not normal. I know one couple that do this with the ex. But its still odd. Even the most mature woman/man could end up having issues with an ex that wants to cause trouble. Has nothing to do with maturity. I have a great relationship with my ex. But my bf doesn't have that with his ex. Doesn't make one better then the other. All parties have to be willing to get along and let each other live their lives without butting in before it can work.
I think that's amazing that they all went to Mexico. Good for them. It's pretty rare for people to actually think about the kids first and how this stuff affects them. It's pretty selfless to do that.
i dont think its odd at all maybe not normal for you but everyone is diffrent. my mom divorced my dad when i was 10 and my mom and my dad and stepmom and my moms bf all get along there was times when my mom and my stepmom went out togther. and even last year we all went to an amusementpark it was my mom her bf me and my fiance our son and my dad and stepmom and we all had a good time. were doing it again this year it was on fathers day last year. i was always glad since i was 10 that they all got along it made me feel so much more comfortable than if they all hated each other then i would of felt tossed in the middle. now they all get along because they are all grandparents to my son hes 3 im soooo thankful my son has all of them as grandparents the way i see it my son has extra love now. because he has grandparents and step grandparents.
[QUOTE=mommyjen25;2840165]i dont think its odd at all maybe not normal for you but everyone is diffrent. my mom divorced my dad when i was 10 and my mom and my dad and stepmom and my moms bf all get along there was times when my mom and my stepmom went out togther. and even last year we all went to an amusementpark it was my mom her bf me and my fiance our son and my dad and stepmom and we all had a good time. were doing it again this year it was on fathers day last year. i was always glad since i was 10 that they all got along it made me feel so much more comfortable than if they all hated each other then i would of felt tossed in the middle. now they all get along because they are all grandparents to my son hes 3 im soooo thankful my son has all of them as grandparents the way i see it my son has extra love now. because he has grandparents and step grandparents.[/QUOTE]


I think it's fantastic when this can happen, but it really can only happen when everyone is on board. I do think it's a bit unfair to expect one person to smile and ignore nastiness and always be the bigger person around someone who is constantly trying to get their goat or even worse, trying to get them out of the picture. That kind of thing can really take a toll on a person.
It works for my friend because all the parties involved are understanding, mature adults who are comfortable enough within themselves. They do not have hang ups, jealousy or insecurity issues that get in the way, and they have only the kids best interest at heart. I really admire how they handle the situation.
[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2836696] My Ex does not care for my Girlfriend much and has made comments to the girls and to me about her.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2836696]I believe it is good to have a good relationship with my Ex...I actually took pride in the fact that we were so good to one another....and just for the record I don't have feelings for her like that anymore...I left her....however I do think she might have them for me deep down. [/QUOTE]

For me, the above comments say it all. I agree that it is important to have a good relationship with the other parent of your kids, but how good is the relationship really if she is prepared to bad-mouth your new partner to your kids??? If you cant see that it was your EX who caused all the trouble here I really dont know what to say to you. I'm not at all surprised your girlfriend feels jealous and insecure, I'd be big-time pissed here too, at the very least.

As I've said in past posts on here, when myself and my partner split up all I cared about in his girlfriend was that she'd be good to my son. The [I]last thing on earth [/I] I'd have done would have been to bad mouth her, especially to our son, as I'd have been fearful that it would have negatively impacted on the way she'd be inclined to treat my son, which seems to me to be what's happened here.

You say yourself that you reckon your EX still has feelings for you; I think this may be the source of the trouble. I also think you need to address her behaviour, otherwise her antics will end up ruining every relationship you ever have. As for your girlfriend, I think she's better off if you do leave her, because she deserves the opportunity to have a relationship without the negative influence of an EX overshadowing it.
[QUOTE=Laylah;2842659]For me, the above comments say it all. I agree that it is important to have a good relationship with the other parent of your kids, but how good is the relationship really if she is prepared to bad-mouth your new partner to your kids??? If you cant see that it was your EX who caused all the trouble here I really dont know what to say to you. I'm not at all surprised your girlfriend feels jealous and insecure, I'd be big-time pissed here too, at the very least.

As I've said in past posts on here, when myself and my partner split up all I cared about in his girlfriend was that she'd be good to my son. The [I]last thing on earth [/I] I'd have done would have been to bad mouth her, especially to our son, as I'd have been fearful that it would have negatively impacted on the way she'd be inclined to treat my son, which seems to me to be what's happened here.

You say yourself that you reckon your EX still has feelings for you; I think this may be the source of the trouble. I also think you need to address her behaviour, otherwise her antics will end up ruining every relationship you ever have. As for your girlfriend, I think she's better off if you do leave her, because she deserves the opportunity to have a relationship without the negative influence of an EX overshadowing it.[/QUOTE]


Exactly, That's what I mean that the whole blended family thing can only work with everyone together if everyone is on board. If the ex still harbors feelings or dreams of getting her husband back, and will try to chase off any new woman and bad mouths her to the kids, and the man's relatiosnhip with the ex and the kids is so much more important to him than siding with his new woman at least to a nice degree, then it's better off if he stay single. I think it's a little too much to ask of any self respecting woman to always be third and to grin and bear the ex playing nasty games and trying to undermine all the time and to feel that your man is more on his ex's side than yours.
Thanks again for the comments everyone.

I want to clarify a few things. One is that Although I think my Ex wished we were still together for the kids sake I think that is all it is. She has a boyfriend. He is really good to her and the kids. I like him actually. As for my Girlfriend...she is not being undermined or treated badly....this is her own insecurities....if I told you have of the comments and immature things that she has said and done over the mere fact that my Ex has called the house you would understand....I really do agree that my Girlfriend deserves to be happy...and I truly think that her and I could have been happy..however she just can't accept the fact that my Ex will call once in a while to discuss things about my children. She needs to be in a relationship with a guy who has no baggage....which is really sad because I think the world of her kids and being in a situation where I know the interaction you need to have with an Ex I have never had a problem with her and her Ex. There is a lot of double standards that are present here. I think it is best that I stay single and as for having a discussion with my Ex about her bad mouthing my Girlfriend I have already had that and there has been no more of that behavior. My Girlfriend is living in the past when it comes to this issue. It is really sad and unfortunate that things have to be this way, but I think all will work out in the end...and as the old saying goes "if it is meant to be, it will be". Thanks for the advice. Cheers.
[QUOTE=Laylah;2842659]


You say yourself that you reckon your EX still has feelings for you; I think this may be the source of the trouble. I also think you need to address her behaviour, otherwise her antics will end up ruining every relationship you ever have. As for your girlfriend, I think she's better off if you do leave her, because she deserves the opportunity to have a relationship without the negative influence of an EX overshadowing it.[/QUOTE]

Can't agree more. YOU can make your GF feel secure enough to accept your children. I fully understand that you need to be with your daughters but I don't really see why your ex should be part of your life.
Your gf must have loved you enough to accept you with a baggage and you need to appreciate that, not to make her feel that she has made a mistake.
[QUOTE=Nina000;2845597]I don't really see why your ex should be part of your life.
[/QUOTE]


thats what i can't figure out. i have two kids with my ex and my bf has two kids with his ex. just because we have kids together and we all are a part of their lives doesn't mean we have to be a part of each others lives. each kid has two birthday parties, two sets of familys for holiday gatherings and what not. we don't feel the need to attend these events or host them with the ex's. and things are great with us. we live our own lives and the kids share our individual lives with us. so why must an ex be part of your life just because you have kids together?
[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2845283] She has a boyfriend. He is really good to her and the kids. I like him actually. [/QUOTE]

It's good that you do, though I'm pretty sure you'd feel differently about your EX's boyfriend if he'd been bad-mouthing you to the kids!

[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2845283]I have never had a problem with her and her Ex. There is a lot of double standards that are present here.[/QUOTE]

There's EX no 2 you'd have a problem with if [I]he'd[/I] been bad-mouthing you to the kids!!

[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2845283] As for my Girlfriend...she is not being undermined or treated badly....this is her own insecurities....if I told you have of the comments and immature things that she has said and done over the mere fact that my Ex has called the house you would understand[/QUOTE]

Dont get me wrong, I'm sure there's more to the story, there always is. Not being nasty here, but I'd love to hear the women's side of it!

[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2845283]as for having a discussion with my Ex about her bad mouthing my Girlfriend I have already had that and there has been no more of that behavior. My Girlfriend is living in the past when it comes to this issue.[/QUOTE]

But that's exactly the thing Hammer6401, whatever way you want to paint it, it's not past, and I'll tell you why: Your girlfriend knows (as any half-way intelligent person would know) that just because the negative opinions are no longer allowed to be verbalised, this does not mean that they dont continue to persist in your EX's perception of her, the only difference is they're silenced now; what comfort do you expect that to be to her?

Your Ex made it clear from the start that she had an issue with your girlfriend, and, as a direct result of that, your girlfriend felt side-lined and second best, which lead to the insecurities that have blighted and damaged your relationship since. I'm not saying it's [I]all[/I]your EX's fault, maybe your girlfriend could have handled it better; but I still stand over my opinion, that based on what you've said here, it was your EX who caused the initial problems.

There's something else that'd be bothering me here if I were you Hammer6401; the fact that your EX was willing to involve the children you have together in this in the first place. Lets face it, in this day and age we're almost ALL the EX of someone or other and where there are kids involved the EX will have to put up with the new partner to some extent, just as the new partner will have to put up with the EX. I'm sure your EX is a good mother in lots of ways, we all love our kids, but I really have to point this out; If a woman has an issue with her kids dads new partner the place for expressing those issues is with her girlfriends while she's having a good ol' gossip over a few beers - it's NEVER to her kids. That smacks of very irresponsible parenting to me, and for me, that'd be the big issue.
I totally agree with this. My Ex is horrible for saying anything or involving the girls in any way.

I wish I could do something to fix things. My GF says she has had enough even though I told her that I am going to talk with her again. We broke up this morning...and I feel so sad and so angry....She says she loves me more than anyone and I love her too...but still we are ending things...I am so heartbroken...I have never loved someone so much....what should I do....? How can I convince her that we can make it? Very sad right now....very sad...:(
Hammer, I am in a similar situation to your girlfriend's. If she really loves you and you love her, you need to set borders with your ex. It is simple, you tell your ex flat out that she is not welcome to call at anytime she likes and that she can leave a message when your daughters are involved. Do this consistently, and you will neither lose your girls nor your gf.
btw, how old are your daughters?
They are 7 and 6.

I am affraid that I have lost her already I think....I don't know what to do to get her back...I love her so much...I am just dieing right now....
Sorry you are going through this, but I am sure that your gf is only hurt and she might be missing you equally. You will get back together when you assure her that your ex is not allowed to threaten and intrude your privacy as a couple. Please understand that this does not mean that you compromise your relationship with your daughters. I was hoping that the girls are old enough to suggest contacting them directly but they obviously are not.

I have always failed to explain to my partner that my rejection to his ex's rudeness is not at all directed at his son, but the fact that he makes this link between his son and his ex, made me very uncomfortable.
This might be an opportunity for you to reconsider this whole situation and decide what you want. Good luck
Thanks Nina000. I appreciate the support. I have done a lot of crying tonight....seems funny for a 35 year old guy to cry about a girl doesn't it....I really love her and it doesn't seem to be enough....very sad times right now for me....

Thanks again.
It dosent seem strange to me at all that you'd be upset enough about all this to be reduced to tears Hammer6401, we all have emotions regardless of age or gender, and this is a very hard situation to be dealing with.

I think, as Nina says, that the only way through it is to keep talking to your girlfriend and to set some very clear boundaries with you EX. If your girlfriend sees you doing this, she'll know her positon is not being disrespected.

I'm sorry if it seemed I was being hard on you in my past posts, it's just that I've been on both sides of the fence here, being the EX and the current girlfriend, and I just have very clear feelings about what is and isnt acceptable in these situations. I think once the line is crossed fireworks almost always ensue, as I dont need to tell you.

I really hope you manage to resolve this and are feeling better in yourself soon. Let us know how it goes.
Well maybe your gf has done this to make you realize that she's serious and isn't going to be second to others anymore. I wouldn't give up all hope just yet...that is if you really are willing to make her feel like she's not second anymore! In my situation(thank god no kids!), my at the time fiance'(husband now!) was staying in constant contact with his EX gf and I finally just said.."Hey...I'm leaving if this doesn't stop"...he was sneaking around to see her and communicate with her. Let her have things that she had no business having etc. She accused me of getting into her e-mails and deleting her saved files...an e-mail account(that I didn't even know about!) that was my husband's primary e-mail account(giving her access to all his account information) that he was letting her continue to use without my even knowing about it! So I had enough and said "enough's enough...that's it!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well, for what it is worth, I was your gf years ago. Lived with a guy who had a child and an ex. HATED all of it. Eventually, it is what broke us apart.

Since I went through it, I can tell you it is not going to change. Some women are very adept at handling these types of situations, but if she is young (I was 23 back then), insecure, jealous, she is only going to continue to torture you over this.

Bottom line, your situation is NOT going to change. Your gf knew when she met you that you have kids and an ex, and that was part of the package of dating you. Trust me, she would prefer you have none of that in your life.

My advice, again, because I lived it for 5 years - either your gf accepts your life (which I suspect she is incapable of because of her own issues), or you need to move on. :( Not fair you are suffering because of prior life choices.
[QUOTE=Kittengirl22;2851452] Your gf knew when she met you that you have kids and an ex, and that was part of the package of dating you. Trust me, she would prefer you have none of that in your life.[/QUOTE]

Yes she knew when she met him that he has kids and an EX, what she didnt know was that she'd have to deal with being verbally abused by the kids mother.

I have to state it is not true that a woman necessarily prefers a man does not have kids in his life. My bf has two teenaged boys, the younger of the two lives with us; he's the image of his dad, incidentally. Both his boys are great kids and I'm happy to have them part of my life. The difference being, I've never had any verbal abuse from thier mother.
[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2836696.I believe it is good to have a good relationship with my Ex...I actually took pride in the fact that we were so good to one another....and just for the record I don't have feelings for her like that anymore..:)[/QUOTE]


EXACTLY RIGHT! I totally agree, your like me, I left my sons father, but we remain freinds and comminicate often regarding OUR son. My partner accepts the situation, and accepts that it will never change, OUR son comes first and always will and my partner knows and totally respects and understands that.

Does your girlfriends daughters father still keep in touch with them? maybe she wishes he was more like you.

I keep in touch with my sons dad, not because I have feelings, but purely I don't wish my son to expereince his parents not talking, hating each other, which is very sad from the childs point of view.

I say continue as you are, if your girlfreind doesn't respect your committment to your kids, then let her go.

Good luck
Hi there,

I just wanted to add my few cents worth!:) My husband and I have been married five years and have two beautiful boys (and a newfoundland pup!!), but things were not always so great. My husband also has two children from a previous relationship and lets just say that his ex partner created hell for him and any relationships he had and then tried to do the same to our relationship. What you need are healthy boundaries for the relationship you share with your ex and that certainly does not extend to your ex making your current relationship difficult. If she is doing that she is not respecting you or your future. We (my husband and I) ended up receiving counselling for how to handle this situation as a united front, ensuring that the children were loved and thought of, but also ensuring that our relationship and our future was considered and valued.

I also should mention that my husband's ex knew exactly what she was doing, and how she was sabotaging the our relationship and manipulating the children. Don't give up on someone you love, but do receive some help so that you can be both be united on how you are going to handle the future and the future of your children.

I do wish you the best, and really do urge you to consider your girlfriend and how difficult your ex may be making the situation.
Kudos on the Goofy Newfie puppy! I miss mine still he was 13 when we put him down :( Sorry jyust had to add that in there. Dont for get socialization is key with them. Let them see everything and anything so they get use to it. K

I must say that again, i think that she knew what she was getting into and well breaking up stinks and you are hurt for doing this but maybe some time to sort out what is going on will help you. Was gf saying bad things about ex infront of kids? If so you dont need it. Those kids dont need it at all ever! You are all adults and maybe use this time to sit with your ex and her bf(yes i said both) and say listen we are all adults here and I need to know why you had a hard time wiht my gf. You never know you might find things out that the girls told your ex that you didnt know or you might not. But you wont know till you sit with ex and figure out why she spoke ill of your girlfriend and of course that never helps gf feel welcome. But I do believe that just because you have an ex doesnt mean seh has to be involved with your life UNLESS the gf is causing problems with the kids. You can have a great relationshiop with ex and still have a gf but if gf feels threatened then find out why. You are 35 and a man! Go find out if you really love her set those bounderies NOW before you ask for her back. Not realy sure if you should ask for her back or not. seems that she is young and doesnt really want the extra baggage and yes i feel that if she knows she sholdnt speak ill of ex that she will stiff feel that way but keep it inside. Think hard about this.
Re the newfie! Thanks for the advice. We have a girl, she is an absolutely sweetie, but still a bit sooky re sleeping at night (or rather lack of sleep, too busy crying all night). We also have a teething 9 month old baby, so as you can imagine it is crazy at our house at the moment.





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