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i understand this from both sides. i am the ex that does not like my stbxh's gf. and i am the gf that my bf's ex doesn't like and i don't care for her too much either.

the ex factor - my bf's ex wants him back. not for love but for money and security. so she has tried in every way she can to get back in with him. now she's using the kids. they did have the 50/50 thing going with their kids. but thats not good for them to be bounced back and forth. so now he has his son and she has his daughter. he has stopped all communication with her except for when it is about the kids. and not just anything about the kids. but it better be an emergency before she calls. she put things in the kids head and when they come home it takes a while to get them back in line. just because you and your ex have a good relationship doesn't mean shes playing by the rules. women tend to pick up on things that are said and done more then men do. so maybe your gf see's something that the ex is doing that you don't see.

the gf factor - my ex is with the women that he was with before he left me. so i have every reason to hate her. but she is good to my kids so i can't say too much. my ex and i have a good relationship. neither of us want each other back. but we still keep all conversations strictly kids. not chit chat. i don't like my bf's ex. she has put us both through a lot. in obvious ways and in sneaky ways. she tells the kids that are sooo not true. and that strains our relationship for a while. but his kids love me and i love them. but i do get a little jealous of his daughter when she is over for the weekend. i would never say anything or act out on it. but sometimes the things he says on those weekends and even when she's not there gets to me. she's only 3. and none of his or my kids asked for the split families that we all have become. when gf's are jealous of kids its not the kids themselves. but its that the most important things in your life are the kids that someone else gave you. sometimes thats hard to deal with. but if you love your gf and she loves you..then you can work it out.

you are correct in that blended families are tough. even if you break it off with your gf, you will always have to deal with the blended family in the next relationship. so if you love her and she loves you. and you each love each others kids and are good to them and they love you. then you should talk it over and maybe even see a counselor. try to work it out before you just give up...
Definitely consider telling your girlfriend that you can't continue if she is this jealous. It's not unrealistic to expect adults to try to get along. There are many women in this world that could handle this situation.
[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2836696] My Ex does not care for my Girlfriend much and has made comments to the girls and to me about her.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2836696]I believe it is good to have a good relationship with my Ex...I actually took pride in the fact that we were so good to one another....and just for the record I don't have feelings for her like that anymore...I left her....however I do think she might have them for me deep down. [/QUOTE]

For me, the above comments say it all. I agree that it is important to have a good relationship with the other parent of your kids, but how good is the relationship really if she is prepared to bad-mouth your new partner to your kids??? If you cant see that it was your EX who caused all the trouble here I really dont know what to say to you. I'm not at all surprised your girlfriend feels jealous and insecure, I'd be big-time pissed here too, at the very least.

As I've said in past posts on here, when myself and my partner split up all I cared about in his girlfriend was that she'd be good to my son. The [I]last thing on earth [/I] I'd have done would have been to bad mouth her, especially to our son, as I'd have been fearful that it would have negatively impacted on the way she'd be inclined to treat my son, which seems to me to be what's happened here.

You say yourself that you reckon your EX still has feelings for you; I think this may be the source of the trouble. I also think you need to address her behaviour, otherwise her antics will end up ruining every relationship you ever have. As for your girlfriend, I think she's better off if you do leave her, because she deserves the opportunity to have a relationship without the negative influence of an EX overshadowing it.
[QUOTE=Laylah;2842659]For me, the above comments say it all. I agree that it is important to have a good relationship with the other parent of your kids, but how good is the relationship really if she is prepared to bad-mouth your new partner to your kids??? If you cant see that it was your EX who caused all the trouble here I really dont know what to say to you. I'm not at all surprised your girlfriend feels jealous and insecure, I'd be big-time pissed here too, at the very least.

As I've said in past posts on here, when myself and my partner split up all I cared about in his girlfriend was that she'd be good to my son. The [I]last thing on earth [/I] I'd have done would have been to bad mouth her, especially to our son, as I'd have been fearful that it would have negatively impacted on the way she'd be inclined to treat my son, which seems to me to be what's happened here.

You say yourself that you reckon your EX still has feelings for you; I think this may be the source of the trouble. I also think you need to address her behaviour, otherwise her antics will end up ruining every relationship you ever have. As for your girlfriend, I think she's better off if you do leave her, because she deserves the opportunity to have a relationship without the negative influence of an EX overshadowing it.[/QUOTE]


Exactly, That's what I mean that the whole blended family thing can only work with everyone together if everyone is on board. If the ex still harbors feelings or dreams of getting her husband back, and will try to chase off any new woman and bad mouths her to the kids, and the man's relatiosnhip with the ex and the kids is so much more important to him than siding with his new woman at least to a nice degree, then it's better off if he stay single. I think it's a little too much to ask of any self respecting woman to always be third and to grin and bear the ex playing nasty games and trying to undermine all the time and to feel that your man is more on his ex's side than yours.
Well, for what it is worth, I was your gf years ago. Lived with a guy who had a child and an ex. HATED all of it. Eventually, it is what broke us apart.

Since I went through it, I can tell you it is not going to change. Some women are very adept at handling these types of situations, but if she is young (I was 23 back then), insecure, jealous, she is only going to continue to torture you over this.

Bottom line, your situation is NOT going to change. Your gf knew when she met you that you have kids and an ex, and that was part of the package of dating you. Trust me, she would prefer you have none of that in your life.

My advice, again, because I lived it for 5 years - either your gf accepts your life (which I suspect she is incapable of because of her own issues), or you need to move on. :( Not fair you are suffering because of prior life choices.





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