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I am at the end of my rope....I have been dating a girl off and on for about a year and we constantly fight about my Ex. I have two wonderful daughters that stay with me 50% of the time. I obviously have regular contact with my Ex in regards to them. My Ex does not care for my Girlfriend much and has made comments to the girls and to me about her. I have defended her (my Girlfriend) and told my Ex to knock it off. She has backed off for some time now. However, due to the custody arrangement we have we have regular contact. My Girlfriend hates it and we constantly argue about it. She thinks everytime my Ex calls it is to meddle in our life...this may have been the case at one time but it is not and has not been for some time now. I have broken up with my Girlfriend many times because of this and she says that she will change...I take her back and try to reasure her I don't return my Ex's calls or talk to her very much but there is this constant underlying hatred she has for her....I don't know what to do anymore...i love my Girlfriend, but sometimes I think it isn't meant to be...she just can't get past this issue...any advice out there?:confused:
Watch out! first step, get rid of the Ex, next the kids have to go..this female wants you all to herself. The past problems with the ex are just an excuse now...she feels threatened and is basically trying to make you choose. This will not get better. Like the others have said, the ex goes with the kids for life, can't have one without the other, how can this twit not see this..best wishes, Sera
[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2836696] My Ex does not care for my Girlfriend much and has made comments to the girls and to me about her.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2836696]I believe it is good to have a good relationship with my Ex...I actually took pride in the fact that we were so good to one another....and just for the record I don't have feelings for her like that anymore...I left her....however I do think she might have them for me deep down. [/QUOTE]

For me, the above comments say it all. I agree that it is important to have a good relationship with the other parent of your kids, but how good is the relationship really if she is prepared to bad-mouth your new partner to your kids??? If you cant see that it was your EX who caused all the trouble here I really dont know what to say to you. I'm not at all surprised your girlfriend feels jealous and insecure, I'd be big-time pissed here too, at the very least.

As I've said in past posts on here, when myself and my partner split up all I cared about in his girlfriend was that she'd be good to my son. The [I]last thing on earth [/I] I'd have done would have been to bad mouth her, especially to our son, as I'd have been fearful that it would have negatively impacted on the way she'd be inclined to treat my son, which seems to me to be what's happened here.

You say yourself that you reckon your EX still has feelings for you; I think this may be the source of the trouble. I also think you need to address her behaviour, otherwise her antics will end up ruining every relationship you ever have. As for your girlfriend, I think she's better off if you do leave her, because she deserves the opportunity to have a relationship without the negative influence of an EX overshadowing it.
[QUOTE=Laylah;2842659]For me, the above comments say it all. I agree that it is important to have a good relationship with the other parent of your kids, but how good is the relationship really if she is prepared to bad-mouth your new partner to your kids??? If you cant see that it was your EX who caused all the trouble here I really dont know what to say to you. I'm not at all surprised your girlfriend feels jealous and insecure, I'd be big-time pissed here too, at the very least.

As I've said in past posts on here, when myself and my partner split up all I cared about in his girlfriend was that she'd be good to my son. The [I]last thing on earth [/I] I'd have done would have been to bad mouth her, especially to our son, as I'd have been fearful that it would have negatively impacted on the way she'd be inclined to treat my son, which seems to me to be what's happened here.

You say yourself that you reckon your EX still has feelings for you; I think this may be the source of the trouble. I also think you need to address her behaviour, otherwise her antics will end up ruining every relationship you ever have. As for your girlfriend, I think she's better off if you do leave her, because she deserves the opportunity to have a relationship without the negative influence of an EX overshadowing it.[/QUOTE]


Exactly, That's what I mean that the whole blended family thing can only work with everyone together if everyone is on board. If the ex still harbors feelings or dreams of getting her husband back, and will try to chase off any new woman and bad mouths her to the kids, and the man's relatiosnhip with the ex and the kids is so much more important to him than siding with his new woman at least to a nice degree, then it's better off if he stay single. I think it's a little too much to ask of any self respecting woman to always be third and to grin and bear the ex playing nasty games and trying to undermine all the time and to feel that your man is more on his ex's side than yours.
Thanks again for the comments everyone.

I want to clarify a few things. One is that Although I think my Ex wished we were still together for the kids sake I think that is all it is. She has a boyfriend. He is really good to her and the kids. I like him actually. As for my Girlfriend...she is not being undermined or treated badly....this is her own insecurities....if I told you have of the comments and immature things that she has said and done over the mere fact that my Ex has called the house you would understand....I really do agree that my Girlfriend deserves to be happy...and I truly think that her and I could have been happy..however she just can't accept the fact that my Ex will call once in a while to discuss things about my children. She needs to be in a relationship with a guy who has no baggage....which is really sad because I think the world of her kids and being in a situation where I know the interaction you need to have with an Ex I have never had a problem with her and her Ex. There is a lot of double standards that are present here. I think it is best that I stay single and as for having a discussion with my Ex about her bad mouthing my Girlfriend I have already had that and there has been no more of that behavior. My Girlfriend is living in the past when it comes to this issue. It is really sad and unfortunate that things have to be this way, but I think all will work out in the end...and as the old saying goes "if it is meant to be, it will be". Thanks for the advice. Cheers.
[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2845283] She has a boyfriend. He is really good to her and the kids. I like him actually. [/QUOTE]

It's good that you do, though I'm pretty sure you'd feel differently about your EX's boyfriend if he'd been bad-mouthing you to the kids!

[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2845283]I have never had a problem with her and her Ex. There is a lot of double standards that are present here.[/QUOTE]

There's EX no 2 you'd have a problem with if [I]he'd[/I] been bad-mouthing you to the kids!!

[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2845283] As for my Girlfriend...she is not being undermined or treated badly....this is her own insecurities....if I told you have of the comments and immature things that she has said and done over the mere fact that my Ex has called the house you would understand[/QUOTE]

Dont get me wrong, I'm sure there's more to the story, there always is. Not being nasty here, but I'd love to hear the women's side of it!

[QUOTE=Hammer6401;2845283]as for having a discussion with my Ex about her bad mouthing my Girlfriend I have already had that and there has been no more of that behavior. My Girlfriend is living in the past when it comes to this issue.[/QUOTE]

But that's exactly the thing Hammer6401, whatever way you want to paint it, it's not past, and I'll tell you why: Your girlfriend knows (as any half-way intelligent person would know) that just because the negative opinions are no longer allowed to be verbalised, this does not mean that they dont continue to persist in your EX's perception of her, the only difference is they're silenced now; what comfort do you expect that to be to her?

Your Ex made it clear from the start that she had an issue with your girlfriend, and, as a direct result of that, your girlfriend felt side-lined and second best, which lead to the insecurities that have blighted and damaged your relationship since. I'm not saying it's [I]all[/I]your EX's fault, maybe your girlfriend could have handled it better; but I still stand over my opinion, that based on what you've said here, it was your EX who caused the initial problems.

There's something else that'd be bothering me here if I were you Hammer6401; the fact that your EX was willing to involve the children you have together in this in the first place. Lets face it, in this day and age we're almost ALL the EX of someone or other and where there are kids involved the EX will have to put up with the new partner to some extent, just as the new partner will have to put up with the EX. I'm sure your EX is a good mother in lots of ways, we all love our kids, but I really have to point this out; If a woman has an issue with her kids dads new partner the place for expressing those issues is with her girlfriends while she's having a good ol' gossip over a few beers - it's NEVER to her kids. That smacks of very irresponsible parenting to me, and for me, that'd be the big issue.
It dosent seem strange to me at all that you'd be upset enough about all this to be reduced to tears Hammer6401, we all have emotions regardless of age or gender, and this is a very hard situation to be dealing with.

I think, as Nina says, that the only way through it is to keep talking to your girlfriend and to set some very clear boundaries with you EX. If your girlfriend sees you doing this, she'll know her positon is not being disrespected.

I'm sorry if it seemed I was being hard on you in my past posts, it's just that I've been on both sides of the fence here, being the EX and the current girlfriend, and I just have very clear feelings about what is and isnt acceptable in these situations. I think once the line is crossed fireworks almost always ensue, as I dont need to tell you.

I really hope you manage to resolve this and are feeling better in yourself soon. Let us know how it goes.





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