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Angel Light - I just wanted to throw a couple of thoughts out there, just my opinion...

First of all, you need to stop blaming this woman and directing your anger at him. All she did was listen to him. She is absolutely NOT the problem, in no way shape or form. I think you're just using her as a scape goat because you don't want to focus the blame on your boyfriend, which is where it really belongs.

Secondly, I'm just wondering how long you're willing to go round and round and round on this merry go round nightmare with this guy. I know you love him, but don't you love you as well? It's as if you've decided that this guy is the only man in the world for you and you're going to cry and stomp and rant and complain until you can somehow force him to love you the way you want him to. But it just doesn't work that way. It just doesn't. I can totally understand you wanting it to work out. I've been where you are. I didn't live with the guy, but I thought at the time that we were serious, and heading in that direction, and I took all kinds of crap hoping that I could find the magic key, the right phrase or the right look or the right whatever that would open up his heart, and make him see all the wonderful things he had in me, and make him love me the way I dreamed he would. What actually happened...he continued to be dissatisfied with me, blaming it on our political and religious differences, and I continued to whine and cry and try to be more like the woman he said he wanted, then he just got tired of it and left, and then married a woman who by all appearances is the exact opposite of the woman he claimed he wanted. I learned the hard way that I didn't gain one little thing by struggling and trying and crying and whining. And would not have lost anything at all by walking out the door the very first time he treated me with anything but the utmost, highest regard and respect.

The bottom line, Angel Light, is that you are in control over your own life. Whether you want to believe it or not, your future does NOT depend on whether he loves you, or how well he decides to treat you. You can stand on your own two feet if you really, really want to. You don't need to MAKE things work with this guy in order to have a roof over your head and some security, because honey, I'm telling you, what you're giving up, your self esteem, your sense of self worth, your confidence and trust in your own judgment, all these things that are so important to success in life and all these things that he is killing bit by bit every day, they are not worth giving up for some guy who will probably end up leaving you anyway. I mean, let's look at this logically. You heard him talk frankly, honestly and openly about how he really truly feels about you. Put your anger at the person he just happened to have been talking to aside for a moment and think about this....did he sound like a man who is happy with his life with you? Did he sound like a man who loves where he is? Did he sound like a man who would never leave you? Based on what you told us, I'd say the answer to all those questions is no. You're putting all your eggs in a basket that has a big huge hole in it, and instead of finding a basket that can better hold your eggs, you're getting angry at the person who pointed out the hole. That's just not logical, Angel Light. Your post is titled "in need of serious advice" well, here is the best advice I can give you....based on what you've told us, as an objective, third party observer, it appears to me that you have two choices, 1) stay with him and be insecure, weepy and miserable until he leaves you for someone else, or 2) walk away now, while you'res till young, and get cracking on building a life for yourself that is all yours, that you are proud of, and only make room in your life for people who value and appreciate you and what you bring to the table. If I were in your shoes, knowing what I know now, I'd pick option 2.





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