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I need some advice. Iím 20 years old. My ex-boyfriend is 25.

Weíve known each other for a little over a year and dated for 7 months. He broke up with me in the beginning of February. His reason was that ďwe fight too much.Ē When we were together we argued a lot about stupid little things. I donít think I can remember one argument worth having.

Since the break up, I donít think much has changed. He says he wants to be friends. He wants to still hang out, call me, and see me and everything that goes with a relationship. We still go out to dinner and parties once in a while together. He invites me over to hang out. We talk on the phone everyday. The only thing difference is the title of boyfriend/girlfriend. Things have slipped. We still sleep together. Sometimes when we are apart, heíll call and tell me that he loves me and misses me. He calls me ďbabyĒ and whatnot. It feels like we are back together again. So when we finally see each other I just expect things to go back to how theyíve always been, but they donít. A lot of the times he says one thing and does another and itís just so confusing. Heís always telling me that he loves me and cares about me and still wants me in his life. Heís constantly reassuring me that Iím not going to lose him. He says that I just need to give everything time and that ďI donít know whatís going to happen in the future.Ē So now, as ďfriendsĒ we still argue. Mainly because I donít see why we canít just get back together and thatís not what he wants right now. He uses the excuse that we still fight, when I ask ďwhy donít we just get back together?Ē

He knows that I love him. Iím 20 years old and Iíve never felt like this about anyone. Ever! It frustrates me that Iím so emotional with him. Iím constantly thinking about everything and most of the time probably over analyzing things. Sometimes it just hurts to be around him, I just get so overwhelmed with sadness and anger and frustration and the tears come pouring out. Sometimes I feel like he just doesnít get it. He doesnít understand how I feel. I know that he cares about me and he loves me, but he isnít IN love with me. He says ďhow could I be with all the fighting?Ē That hurts every time I hear it. So why am I still around? Why is it so hard to just move on?

Being friends with him isnít something that I can do right now, but I donít want to lose him. Itís so hard to go from seeing someone and talking to them everyday to just cutting them off, but in back of my head I know thatís what I need to do. Iíve contemplated just packing up and moving, just to get away. I live in a small college town and seeing him around is very common. I just feel like I canít lose him. He was my best friend. And Iíve seemed to alienate myself from all my other friends while we were dating.

And then when I think that Iíll be able to do it, I see the friendships he has with other people and I know that we will never have that because of the feelings we have for each other. We have a relationship, not a friendship.

I know what weíre doing isnít healthy. All I do is cry and Iím tired of it. My heart is completely broken.

I feel so miserable here. I go to school and come home to my apartment and do nothing but think and feel sorry for myself. I feel like I have no one to talk to about this BUT him, or my close friends who are about an hour drive away. I hate being alone. For him itís so different. He has all his family and friends here. He has school, a job, and he coaches for a local pee wee football team. Most of the time he doesnít have time to think. Iíve talked to him about this and Iíve tried to explain how hard it is for me to JUST be friends and all he tells me is ďjust give it a try, you donít know what can happen.Ē

He contradicts himself all the time. He says he wants to be friends but yet when we are together, there are times when we end up flirting and playing around and one thing leads to another. Then there are times when we hang out and we donít do anything. He wonít even talk to me that much and when he does, itís like he doesnít want me around. He reassures me that that's not it but itís just so confusing. There are so many different ďmoodsĒ that I have dealt with and I donít know what to do anymore. I love him and I want to be with him. So what now? What next?





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