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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hi I'm new to this board :wave:
I found out I have HPV from my last boyfriend, who I was INLOVE with, but cheated on me and gave it to me. Ever since then, I have been so depressed because I feel like not only did he betray me, I have this stupid virus for the rest of my life. :mad:

Him and I go to different colleges, so physically it's easy to be without him. He still talks to me, and I talk to him, because I haven't told anyone (besides family) about my HPV. This morning I was treated for HPV, it was so painful, and I am still so angry with him. I think I should stop talking to him, but I also feel SO lonely. I don't even want to go out anymore (strange for a college girl!!!) because every guy I meet/am interested in, I immediately dismiss because I'm ashamed of telling him about my history (and obviously I would tell the next partner I have before anything sexual happened).
I am so lonely (not sexually, but emotionally), but I don't know how to overcome my fear of rejection because of this. My self-esteem is so low and I don't feel like I can trust any guys. Gosh this sucks... :blob_fire

And I hate feeling like I rely on my ex (he'll call me and say he's coming to visit, and I know all he wants is sex because he says "we both have it, so why does it matter?" ew, such a jerk) :mad:

I would really appreciate any suggestions, I hate having this fear of a new relationship and self-hatred. Thanks! :)
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time now, IS. Did your Dr. tell you you'd have it forever? I'm no expert but I was of the understanding that it can clear on its own after a while, and if it doesn't, after treatment you'd be ok, but go with what your Dr. says.

If your boyfriend cheated on you and you have angry feelings toward him, I think you might be better off breaking contact and just letting yourself heal. I've had experience with trying to keep a "friendship" with people who have done me wrong, and you know what? They dont' change. I thought if I changed my attitude, my mindset and my behavior, was more forgiving, more giving, open and kind, they would treat me better, but no, that doesn't work. They still treat you as they want, and they feel you deserve. If you don't happen to agree with them, if you feel you deserve to be treated better than they feel like treating you, the only answer is to get rid of them. This guy sounds like bad news. You certainly should NOT go to bed with him anymore. It's called a break up because it's broken, don't go back to that, you'll only be hurting yourself more and prolonging the healing process. Wait a little while until your treatment is over and done with and healed, and discuss at length with your Dr. all the ramifications of your HPV, and your prognosis, and research the matter as much as you can yourself. Information is power, and you won't be so scared and intimidated if you are armed with the facts and you know for sure what you have to look forward to. Good luck to you.

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