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Questions
Mar 20, 2007
Hi everyone, I used to post a lot here but forgot my password. Anyway, there are a couple of issues I was really hoping you guys could advise me on.

First of all, I broke up with my bf a few weeks ago. We'd been friends for ten years and a couple for less than one, so I am hoping that eventually we can be friends again. However, he was a lot more into the relationship than I was and was really unhappy when I wanted to breakup, so I'm not sure how to deal with him from now on. I was going back and forth about whether or not to end things for awhile, but finally I realized it just wasn't fair to keep him hanging in a relationship I wasn't at all enthusiastic about. I guess I should probably give him space for awhile? Does anyone have any advice as to how I can let him know that I'm sorry things didn't work out, that I still care about him, and that someday I hope we can be friends again? For now I'm keeping my distance, but I hate the idea of never talking to him again and really want to avoid that if possible.

Second, I'm wondering about a guy I've met recently and whether or not he's interested in me as more than a friend. I don't want to get involved with someone else right away, but I can't help but be curious because of some things that have happened since we started working together. When we used to go out with coworkers and friends, he'd make a big point of telling my ex (who was still my bf at the time) how lucky he was to be with such a "great girl" like me. Then one night I drank too much and he offered to drive me home, which also necessitated him driving me to work the next morning and back to my car after work the next day. I thought he was just being a good guy, but on the way back he started telling me how he didn't understand why I was settling for my bf when I had so much going for me and could (according to him) do so much better.

Normally, I would have told him to shove it, but since I'd been debating breaking up for so long anyway, I kept my mouth shut instead. His opinion didn't impact my decision to end things, but it echoed what a lot of my friends had been telling me...I just don't get what his motive would be for saying those things if he wasn't trying to get with me himself. Then again, my other friends were saying the same thing, so I don't know. I'm not sure how to take that at all, but I do like the guy, and I wouldn't mind if our friendship turned into something else over time.

So anyway, the next day when he was driving me back to my car, I said that it was a bit out of line for him to tell me to dump my bf and he said that he didn't say that, he just said I could do way better and he didn't understand why I wouldn't hold out for more, but if I was happy, then he was happy for me. I said I wasn't ever that happy being tied down and then changed the subject, but I just got an odd feeling from the whole thing. Plus, when we got back to my car, he made a big point of spending a lot of time chiseling all the ice that had accumulated off of it for me, and I don't think he's naturally inclined to be that sort of super nice guy. I know that isn't a lot to go on, but I kind of get the sense that he's interested, though it might just be my imagination (and a little bit of wishful thinking). So I'd really appreciate any opinions you have to offer on both issues...thanks in advance :)
Re: Questions
Mar 21, 2007
I was going to say the exact same thing. That whole section is really well worded and very caring. You sound like you care a lot about this guy and hope for the best for him. That's what a good friendship takes, wanting the best for someone.

I just broke up with my bf of three years, but we're still fabulous friends. It's hard a lot of the time to realize that that's where we are right now, as I still care for him a lot, but it really is working. Still, I only think that it's working because we both realize that that's how it is and are comited to staying broken up, but also staying friends. I CANNOT tell you how important communication is. COMMUNICATE with him...seriously. I would say, re-read what you wrote above and then tell him it. Say it, out loud to him. Don't email it, say it. It's that much more real and powerful. If he can't understand from that and still wants you back, then maybe you do need to give it a rest for a while. Let him know that you care and that you're still there for him, as a friend, and then move on. Check in after a bit, but do give him his space. But don't back off until you've said those things to him. They're pretty well worded and will let him know just what you're worried about and how much you care.





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