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Re: Settling
Mar 27, 2007
[QUOTE=janetJ;2885328]But the other part of me wants to stop thinking, let it all go, and make myself like him no matter how he may turn out. I mean, as long as he is nice, isn't that all that should [I]really[/I] matter?

But since I don't even know him yet, should I continue on any further or not?
I've always found it easier to not bother, so that I don't have to worry about liking someone or not. But too many people tell me I can't shut someone out before even giving them a chance because that's exactly why I am alone.[/QUOTE]

Well, this sheds a bit more light on the subject. Why do you insist on making it an either/or kind of thing? It doesn't have to be, you know. Unless there's something about him right now that makes you go "*sigh* ugh, that really turns me off!" then why not get to know him? Are you afraid of getting to a point where you see each other for a while, then you decide he's not for you, then have to do the uncomfortable break up talk? C'mon, you can't shut people out because you're afraid it won't work. Yes, break ups are awkward and uncomfortable, but like someone once said "when you take risks, sometimes good things happen, and sometimes bad things happen, but if you don't take chances, nothing happens." Or maybe you're scared he'll turn out to be a stalker type, and if you break up with him, he'll hunt you and make your life miserable. It's scarey out there, and there certainly is danger out there, you have to be wary, but not so wary that you never make friends or go out on dates at all.

You don't have to decide right now whether to spend your whole life with him or not!! Just be yourself, be respectful and be honest. That's all you can do. But it's perfectly all right to get to know a person and take it one step at a time, and get to know him, and then decide whether you want to date him if he wants to date you, then you can even date him and enjoy getting to know him and enjoy the time you have together and then decide that it's not a lifetime love sort of thing and then cut him loose. If there are things you like about him (other than the mere fact that he was interested in you,) then take it one step at a time. The search doesn't have to end with this one guy just because he's there and because he's the one who happened to show an interest. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

oh, and by the way, the whole "as long as he's nice, that's all that matters" well, that's a nice thought, but no, I don't think that's all that matters. It's possible for two perfectly nice people to be completely incompatible. I think shared values, morals and views, lots of interests in common, and a deep and abiding respect for one another is what matters. I mean, aren't there lots of perfectly, really nice people that you know, that you are in contact with every day? but are each and every one of them your very best friend? There's a lot more to it than just "nice."

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