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Re: Nice skirt
Mar 28, 2007
Guess everyone does have their standards and if you choose not to go back with someone after you broke up then so be it. BUT if you do then deal with the fact that he had a life while not dating you. Personally if my dh and I broke up while dating I wouldnt give a crap about who he saw while I was no longer with him. But I have very high self esteem and am very comfortable in any situation with any woman. It took a long time to get that way so please dont say oh well that's just great for her. It's not that way at all, i use to feel like everyone was out to screw me and it took a long time to figure out that I am me and you either like it or dont but this is me. The exact same way I feel about my husband, i know him and I take him for what and who he is. Why would I care what he did before me (which I know what he did and how many with), why would I care what he did if we werent together at some point ? I'm a big girl and have my big girl underware on, i can take it. :)

I'm not saying Oh you mustnt feel the way you do, you were hurt for what ever reason. Ok but that was a year ago and well you cant keep sayingthat he cant do things because you might be sensitive. Get over it or find someone else. You deserve to be happy and well ifyou are harping on something that happen when you werent even together then you might need to find someone new and start over.

Just my opinion no need for anyone to get cranky over it. Just another perspective is all i'm giving.

Good luck in what ever you decide, but what ever you decide you need to find forgiveness with him and yourself. Him for hurting you as you think he has. And forgiveness in yourself because I know you are beating yourself up everyday thinking, "oh God why am i with him if i feel this way? Why am i so angry with him still?". I'm sure you are thinking these things and well you need to forgive him and get over it and move on so you can heal.
Re: Nice skirt
Mar 30, 2007
I saw him today. We had a meal together. We couldnt chat long though.
He seemed very genuine today, a little defensive though.
He explained he broke up with me because I had broken his heart, and he couldnt take being miserable anymore. Apparently this girl really liked him, and she happened to have just come out of a relationship, so they started seeing eachother. He said there wasnt anything special about her, that in fact any girl who took an interest in him would have done. He said it made him feel better, made him feel good, that someone was attracted to him and liked him(weird, why would he need that since i told him i loved him?isnt that something youd say if someone broke up with you?). He said I was always on his mind, but he didnt want to get back together because he was scared of the arguments and hurt- he couldnt take anymore. Eventually him and this girl fizzled out, it never felt 'rght'. Apparently, I am making sometihng out of it that it wasnt. However, eventually after some time, he wanted to give things another go but he was still scared and hesistant because he didnt want history repeating itself. It sounds like he got hurt a lot from what he tells me.
I guess, put this way, his version of what happend sounds ok. I know Ive got to listen to him. But Im scared Ill be a fool to believe someone who hurt me so much.

I told him about our different conditions. He explained he wants things to be mutual, he doesnt want me to make up for anything, and for him not to make up for anything because we put eachother through a lot of pain...He understands he hurts me, but he also wants me to understand I hurt him too. But he hurt me a lot more than I hurt hurt can he not see that? He tells me "you hurt me so much, you pushed me away and made me miserable, thats why i had to end it" blah blah blah
I know I hurt him and made him miserable...but he also hurt me so much that im still not over it
I didnt want to get drawn into an argument so i decided to stop talking.

im tired of all this. i want to let it go. can i just let it go? what you do reckon? will it keep coming back? do i have to do something to make it stop?

your views?
Re: Nice skirt
Apr 5, 2007
how do i get things back to the way they were since all of this has happened? its what i want so much. but i cant stop thinknig how he rejected me when i told him i loved him and how he went onto date this girl. ive got to stop thinking and obsessing i know. its ruining things for me.[/QUOTE]

Well, things happened when you guys broke up, this other woman came into the picture, and you can't undo that. I don't think you can ever really get things back the way they were, because the way they were, you were the last girl he ever had, and I think that's what made you feel so special, you were the last one he ever wanted, his search ended with you, all that romantic stuff, "the search is over, now that I've found you" and all that, but now that's not the case, because he had someone else after you. Again, I think you just have to be willing to make the conscious decision to let that go. It can't be undone, and if you want to be with this guy, you just have to decide to let it go. I don't know if there is any process you have to go through or if there's "how to", you just have to decide to either let it go or not.

i told him i needed some time apart and i told him not to call me, and that id call him. i didnt mean that but i cant go back on it. i think i should give it a few days. maybe alarm him a little because he is way too comfortable and secure....he can predict me so well, and that isnt good.

i just want to feel loved and special. i miss the mind blowing sex. its just not the same. i feel so frustrated, we havent had sex in so long, then when we did last week, it the worst ive ever had.

I think this is a dangerous game to be playing. You should never cut him loose, even for a day, if you don't want him to go running off and sleep with another woman. Some men see any kind of a "break" as a break up, and therefor license, or a free pass to sleep around. "well hey, I didn't cheat, we were broken up." He did it to you once, and you just gave him license to do it again. I don't know, AJ, I'm so sorry you're hurting and going through this, but I think you're just too sensitive and romantic a girl to be with this kind of guy. You need to be with a guy who will send you flowers for no reason. A guy who will tell you how special and beautiful you are, a guy who would spend a "break" worrying and fretting and missing you instead of banging some one else, and a guy who would apologize profusely over and over if he did something to hurt your feelings until you were no longer hurt or angry. There are guys like that. There was a guy on this board a while back who had had some phone conversations with an ex to give her "closure" and his wife found out and threw a fit and he was here flogging himself over and over again and sleeping on the couch taking his punishment like a shamed little puppy until his wife wasn't angry anymore. You need a guy like that. I just can't say with confidence that this guy is the right guy for you.
Re: Nice skirt
Apr 6, 2007
Let it go and stop punishing him or you're gonna lose him - for good. I know he hurt you, but you are now obsessive about the whole thing. Try and put yourself in his shoes. How would you like it if you were the one that dated someone else, got back together with your guy and all he did was punish and make you pay for what happened when you were split? You would grow very tired of all the drama. I know I would.
Like I said before, YOU made the decision to get back together with him. YOU said you wanted to work things out, but all your really doing is punishing him. That's not working things out. You keep saying that he needs to do this, or he need to do that, but when will enough be enough?????
You need to either stop punishing him or realize you will never get over it and let him go.[/QUOTE]

If I were in his shoes, Id be understanding, patient, and give him all the time in the world to get over it.
I sent him a long email about how i felt like i was cheated on, how he only came back to me because she broke up with him, he didnt realise he loved me etc etc....he didnt even have an opinion on the email nor wanted to convince me that it wasnt the case....
Enough is enough? All he has said is sorry a few times after shouting and being aggressive. he tells me to "get over it" well thanks he really understand doesnt he? He cant even hug me or kiss me and tell me to stop crying because all he wants is to be with me....I think this whole mess is just reminding me how he isntoging to give me what i need. he still cant say he is in love with me. No wonder I am reacting the way I am.

He hurt me a lot. He doesnt love me enough to make any of this worth while...why should i hurt myself for him? he isnt even in love with me.

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