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Relationship Health Message Board

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Re: Jealousy?
Mar 28, 2007
[QUOTE=Green1;2***473]Is it wise to tell your significant other about the jealousy you have of their success or things that he or she has acquired?:confused:[/QUOTE]

I think you have to ask yourself what you are trying to accomplish, short and long term, and what your affect it will have. I mean, let's say for argument's sake that it's you who is jealous of your girlfriend, she makes more money than you, has a great job, travels, has a nice car, nice place, nice furniture, a beautiful flat screen tv, etc. and you're jealous of all that. So you tell her one night, "gosh I sure am jealous of all this stuff you have and all your success." That kind of puts the issue in her lap, and what do you expect her to do? Start failing so you'll feel better? I quoted the poem The Desiderata the other day here, and the same passage applies here, "do not compare yourself to others, or you will become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself." Jealousy stems from insecurity, feeling that someone else has something that you feel you should have. Is there a reason you feel your girlfried doesn't deserve these successes as much as you do? And why? Because you're a man? Are you more educated, older, more experienced, than her? Ultimately, I think jealousy is only the problem of the person who is jealous. I mean, if you love her, your jealous will only get in the way and cause problems in the relationship, because then she will feel like she can't come to you and share her victories and happy stories and successes, she will start hiding her new dress from you, not wanting you to ride in her car, feeling uncomfortable when it's her turn to pay, or when she wants to go somewhere you can't quite afford and she will feel bad about chipping in, and then she will start to resent having to feel bad and having to hide her success to appease your feelings, and then it's all downhill from there. It's not really her problem to fix, unless she's rubbing it in your face being really snotty about it, like "ha, don't you wish you could afford a big flat screen tv like mine?"" Is she doing that? If she's not, then no, I really wouldn't recommend telling her you feel jealous, because you only tell people things like that if you intend for them to do something about it, and what really can she do about your jealousy? Concentrate on being the very best you that you can be, and be proud of who and what you are and what you've made of your life, and try to wrap your mind around the fact that life isn't one big group race. We all hit our peak at different times and different areas, and not everyone is cut out to be a high powered CEO, doctor or lawyer or whatever. I would think if you really love her, you'd be proud of her and admire her accomplishments and successes and want nothing but the very best for her.
Re: Jealousy?
Mar 29, 2007
I think it all depends on how you tell her.

If things between the two of you are effected by it; say you two have been bickering and there's been tension with no real reason why.. then you realize that it's your jealousy that has been causing this friction. Then i think you should tell her, but in an "I'm opening up to you" kind of way! haha (that probably makes no sense.)

I mean-- you don't want to get into a fight, then shouted it out. But if you say something like "I've realized that I'm jealous of your success and it makes me feel inferior" (or whatever the case may be). She'll be more understanding of that, which will lead to a discussion that will probably help you feel alot better. Harboring negative emotions is so unhealthy. It's amazing how much better you can feel just letting it all out.

Jealously is such a horrible emotion. It only exists to torture us! In my experience I've never seen any good come from being jealous. I think once you realize that you're jealous, you can start to rationalize it, and over come it.

I'm sure you are very proud of yout girlfriend's success, it's just that part of you wishes for the same. Maybe you can turn your jealousy into motivation.

If this hasn't effected your relationship, then maybe try and over come it quietly yourself. If it has started to cause some problems, then I would be honest with her. We can't control our emotions, only how we handle them.

Good luck.

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