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Relationship Health Message Board


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Vicky - I know it's hard to think straight when you have some fantastic, sexy, beautiful guy who wants to make love to you, but really, our emotions do play into it, and our self respect does, too. No matter how we try to make it all so casual and not personal, sex will always be a highly personal, intimate thing. To answer your questions from a dispassionate, logical view...

[QUOTE=vicky20012;2906089]hi there what do u do when u know he has a girlfriend and been together for 6 years starts seeing me but then stops it without any explanation
but then comes back after a couple of months tells me hes moved in with his girl borrows her car to come round to see me he tells me this and still wants something from me sexually.[/QUOTE]

What do you do? You kick him to the curb. The guy's a lying jerk, He's being a jerk to you and his girlfriend.

[QUOTE=vicky20012;2906089] imean what is he doing![/QUOTE]

He's using you and cheating on his girlfriend, and doesn't feel bad about it, that's what he's doing.

[QUOTE=vicky20012;2906089] would'nt it have been better if he never told me all about his girlfriend
do what he has and wants to do then leave why tell me [/QUOTE]

No, his not telling you would not make what he's doing any better. Perhaps it would have been better for you in the short run, so you could have sex with this guy and not feel guilty about what you're doing to his girlfriend and happily live in ignorance about it, but then you'd start falling for him, developing feelings for him, and that would make a mess for him. At least he's being honest with you. I think he told you so you won't get any illusions about being his "real" girlfriend. He doesn't want you to start making demands on his time, he doesn't want you calling his house, he just wants sex with you when it's convenient for him. That's the deal, and he told you up front that's what the deal is, and you accepted the terms. Now when you start demanding more of his time and attention, or start asking him to leave her for you, then he'll tell you "hey, you knew the deal up front and you were ok with it." He's totally in the clear.



[QUOTE=vicky20012;2906089]its like hes told me so i have a choice and that it would be my fault if she found out he was doing the dirty on her and that im desperate for him knowing he has a girl and still wanting him

why is he doing this to me ???????????[/QUOTE]

You just answered your own question. He did give you a choice. You had the choice of being his diversion, his little side dish, knowing it will never be anything more than that, or not. You chose to be his side dish and be the one he cheats on his girlfriend with. Again, that absolves him of any guilt because after all, he did tell you up front what the deal is. You walked into this situation with your eyes wide open, he did not deceive or mislead you. Why is he doing this to you? Because he's a lying, cheating jerk, and you're letting him do this to you.


[QUOTE=vicky20012;2906089]i mean really its killing me even thinking about him how he is with his girl and when he talks about her to me im not sure what to think then after talking about her he,ll f*** me
like what the hell he has no concionus i really think he thinks its all my fault for not stopping him !!!![/QUOTE]

Well, you both share in the "blame" or the guilt of hurting this poor girl he's living with. If he thinks it's all your fault, he's wrong, he's half at fault, but I doubt he will ever see it that way. But you're right, he has no conscience.

[QUOTE=vicky20012;2906089]and i cant why should i im not in the relationship he has the commitment hes borrowing her car to come see me hes doing the dirty even though he has told me all about her

seriously if it were,nt me it would be someone else so why not me[/QUOTE]

Well, yes you can, you just really really don't want to. Why not you? Well, didn't you just say above that it's killing you? You don't seem happy with the situation as it is, or you wouldn't have posted this thread. I think if you really believed "hey why not me," then you'd be more ok with it than you are. Yes, you're absolutely right, if he weren't sleeping with you on the side, he'd be sleeping with someone else. Anyone else, probably. Any other woman would be just as good and convenient as you. Now, how special does that make you feel? Why not you? The answer to that depends on how much you think of yourself, how much you think you're worth, how special you think you are, and how much truth, fidelity, monogamy, exclusivity, love, and commitment you think you deserve.





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