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[QUOTE=bulletproof;2934766]Nobody knows for sure if he regrets getting caught or regrets doing it. I would imagine it's irrelevant at this point. But you could always use that as a starting point for a conversation.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, we had that conversation last night... I told him that I had not heard him say the words, "I screwed up and I feel awful about it and I will never do anything like that again." He said it, but I don't know how heart felt it was or if he is just so upset about the whole thing or what. He said that he constantly has an upset stomach and that all he is worried about right now is finding another job so he doesn't fall behind on any bills or anything. The problem I had now is that I felt numb with him all weekend, especially where intimate relations were concerned. I mean, we had sex, but I felt numb throughout the whole thing and even started get teary eyed at one point. Right now, at this point, I don't feel safe with with him... you know the "safe" feeling you have with your mate, that the whole world could fall down around you and he would protect you... yeah... it's not there and what's worse... all those little things that you overlook, because your in love with someone? Every little thing just pounced out at me all weekend... so much that all I could do was think about going home and getting away from it. Then once I was home and layed in bed feeling sorry for myself for an hour or so, I started to miss him and such. I'm just so angry, because this has already affected so much in our lives... we were supposed to be selling his house and buying a bigger one together... trips we had planned in May that had to be cancelled that I was so looking forward to... he gave me a ring at Christmas and every time I look down at my hand, all I can think is, "was it paid for with stolen money?" Part of me just wants to slap him and the other part of me wants to pick him up and put my arms around him and tell him it's all going to be okay, but I don't know if it's going to be okay... I don't know if I can ever look at him the same again... just a side note, I've been on steroids for the last week and half (that I'm done with now) for a problem with my knees, but I don't know how much of my emotions are being exasberated by that fact.





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