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Alicia,

I can relate with you very much. I stayed in a similar relationship for 5 long years until I couldn't anymore. I always thought that as he matured more (we were in our early 20-s at that time) and as he get to know me better, he'd somehow change, and trust my decisions. He didn't and I left him, and to top it all he was very very surpised that I could live him, and went on and on how carrier-oriented I am and all that guilt bashing..I was so happy when I left him there are now words to describe it.


My current relationship isn't perfect either, but we talk together: I had let him know that there is so much negativity/unfounded criticism that I can take from a person before I send him to the other side of the earth without looking back. He knows that, and every time he crosses that boundary I make sure I get heard too.


Coming to your situation, although I don't like the way he comments on you (pretty low on his part, he doesnt have to choose those words with someone he loves), I can see where he comes from. You have two options, be comfortable with the life style you two together can have (less drinking, more conservative and so on ....dont take me wrong that's not gone make you more honest or morally superior than what you already are, that doesn't define you) which will mean you'd listen to his advices only when he calmly without using bad words makes a good argument that is something beneficial to you, and you agree with a mind of your own sort of like when you talk with a friend (he needs to be a friend not a dad/soldier with you). In this case, you have to keep a very very careful eye on how he treats you, let your opinon be heard, calmly respond to his comments that this dress/friend/drink are very much appropriate and don;t make you less of a lady..and so on..you can try to workthings out if he is open to it as well, but you need to stand on your ground and let your voice be heard otherwise he will take advantage of you and than

option two: you'd have to leave, if he doesn't respond logically, calmly to you, he doens't take in account your thoughts, if he still is rude to you while you have said that you get hurt by this comments and he is making you unhappy by this, run ... to a happier life.

It's very very easy to judge other people's life, I think its your repsonsbilty to see the extent that you're getting hurt, and to let him know that all this is actually hurting you. Than respond accordingly. Your patience/tolerance should have a limit too, but your self-esteem comes first.

One last thing, NEVER be in a relationship where you are afraid to talk to him because he'll get pissed. That is very very wrong, because you are really being way tooo submissive, be careful with your words, but please talk to him. He might realize that he is gone too far when you explained to him, and change for good. But, you need to stand up for yourself.





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