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Well I guess I should start with a little background information. This is going to be very long.. it's a very long story. I'll try to keep it short. Anyway, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years (we have lived together almost the entire time). Our relationship has NOT been easy. We've been through so much together.. from a miscariage, to horrible fights, to dealing with his drug/alcohol problem, to dealing with MY insecurity issues... my tendancy to be very needy... and all of the other little bumps in relationships. We're young, and sometimes stupid, but it seems like we've come out stronger and even more in love after every issue. Early in the relationship, we would always hit a rough patch.. but instead of letting it fall apart, we would always work everything out. We made it through problems that often end marriages even. We have always been there for eachother, always supported eachother, forgiven eachother for our mistakes in life, and we love eachother so much that nothing has EVER been able to keep us apart. Until now, I'm afraid.

Two years ago he started associating with the wrong people. He met them through work, and I knew right away they would cause problems. He would go out, drink, and not come home. Then he started doing cocaine. It became a huge problem.. our relationship nearly ended many times because of it. But I never let go. I always fought to help him, to get him clean, and I always tried to understand how powerful this drug is, and exactly what it can make otherwise sane people do. (My father was addicted to cocaine and alcohol as well, and I never turned my back on him for the pain he caused me and my mother either). He always told me that no matter what this drug made him do (like dissapear for a couple days and binge, or pawn his belongings, etc) that he loved me more than anything, and that one day, he hoped with all his heart that everything would be ok. And so I stood by my man. Things did eventually get better, and up until this morning, everything has been very good.

Two years ago (the same time my boyfriend was going through his addiction) someone broke into my grandfathers home and stole 4 guns. I never suspected that is was my boyfriend. Even during his cocaine days, he never stole from ME, or pawned any of my things. It never even crossed my mind that he could've been responsible. And at the time, my grandfather expected someone else entirely. Nothing ever happened with the case, and I had completely forgotten about it until this last weekend.

I heard from my other family members that there had been a new development in the case... one of the guns had been found. We were all supposed to find out more today, as an officer was going to talk to my grandfather this morning. I didn't hear anything until about 2pm, when a police officer called me and wanted to know if I was with my boyfriend. I said yes, and they asked to talk to him. I saw his heart break as he was on the phone, and I knew immediately that something was very very wrong. He broke down and told me that he was involved in the robbery. He said he did it to trade the guns for drugs, and that two other people (who I know he used to get the drugs from) were involved too. I've never seen him so upset... he was crying and crying and appologizing... and I just went blank for a while. I didn't say much to him.. I just couldn't find words.

He turned himself in this evening. He didn't tell me he was turning himself in.. he said he was just going to talk to the police. He was crying when he left, and I let him kiss me and give me a hug. If I knew what he was doing, I would've held him and never let him go. He called me from the station a little while ago and told me that he was placed under arrest and that his bond would probably be as high as $300,000. He's supposed to call me again later with more information.

My heart is gone. I can't believe that he robbed my family.. I can't believe this is happening to me... I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone (I have been in love before, and it didn't even compare to this). He is my life.. my smiles.. my everything. I've fought so hard to be with this man.. and he's fought equally as hard to be with me. I know most of you probably wont understand this, but I've already forgiven him for what he's done. I know the shape he was in back then.. and I know that he has a good heart, and that he's truely sorry. He said he's come very close to telling me before, but he was always so afriad that he would lose me forever if I found out.

So my question is this.. to those of you who understand forgiveness... do I stand by him now? What he's done will always hurt. He messed with my family. I was so angry that I punched a hole in my wall! And he's facing jail time. Probably a lot of it. And my family now hates him (they didn't like him already because of past issues causing me to be stressed out a lot). And if I stay with him.. it could be years before I get to hold him again. Or do I move on, and let our past and our life be all for nothing? I can't even imagine being with someone else.. or being without him. I wanted to have kids and a happy life with him.. we were even looking at houses and talking about marriage. He has been clean and sober and we've been so happy. And now this. Please, I would appriate anyone's opinions and views. I've always read other's threads here and on the addiction forum.. a lot of you have really good advice. I just don't know what to do. Or how I'm going to live without him. I was always told to follow my heart.. and my heart says to stay and fight through this too. Is that what I should do????





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