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Relationship Health Message Board


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Engaged and Enraged
Apr 25, 2007
My fiance and I have been engaged now for 2 months & dating for over 3 years.

He's a great person and boyfriend. He's supportive, funny, smart, and loving. He loves me the way I am. He's very trusting and faithful. He really loves kids like I do. He's sensitive and willing to please. He's not confortatial. He's a hard worker.

However, I'm hestitate as of now because of a few issues. His job he has now pays him under the table a small amount. I've hestitated until now to say anything because it's his dream job. But he needs insurance & a retirement plan & there are tons of things we need money for the move in together & create a family. When I've brought it up he sounds indifferent because he's afraid to take up some factory/plant job & be misreable. Also, he's currently living with my brother. His part of the house is very untidy. He barely ever cleans & picks up after himself. When he and I lived together for the summer 2 years ago he wasn't messy like that. And now recently I've heard him saying some hurtful things with his guy friends including my brother (who secretly isn't his friend because he's been telling my parents). I know when guys get together they talk "smack" and exaggerate. But he's been telling people that he got off easy spending only $300 for my 1/4 Kt. ring and he brags about what he actually does with his money for his car. Also, he talks how when we get married he'll get more (my parents assume this means he'll dip into my saved money). My parents disapprove of him now. I was just blown away to hear these things. It makes me not want to be engaged to know he didn't put full effort into it & brags about it. I'm so apprahensive about his commitment and maturity right now it's scary. I've never had so many doubts. Up until our engagement I was on cloud nine for 3 years. I'm speaking to him today about what my brother has told my parents of all this. I've made my mind up & won't budge, I'm not moving out of my parents until he gets a better job, starts taking move initiative to clean, and ~possibly get me a better ring that he actually cared more about to give me. Cause I refused to feel jipped when I have successful career I worked hard to get and wouldn't dare say such things about him.

My mind is all confused on how to exactly speak to him. What to actually see as red flags. What I should think of all of this. So any advice or perspective would be appreciated.





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