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Relationship Health Message Board

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Your daughter is at that God-awful age of 14. I remember it well. She is the oldest and so this is all new to you having not been through it before with another child.
I remember 14. I remember feeling the beginning of independence from my parent's and the child-like things I used to enjoy doing. Now the hormones are raging and boys are a whole new ballgame.
I feel for you. (This is why I dogs instead of kids!)
It's an awkward age because she is too old for some things and too young for other things. She is feeling the start of puberty and dealing with all the emotions of becoming a young woman.
Now I don't have any kids, but I know how my mother treated me and got me through this horrible age and I turned out pretty good.
She's not an adult yet, but she's not a baby anymore either. You can't treat her like your other children because she doesn't enjoy doing the "baby things" she did when she was younger. She needs to feel that you respect that fact that she is starting to grow up and you are starting to treat her that way. In the same respect, she needs to show you that she can act responsibly. It's like meeting each other half way.
I agree that the boy she is seeing is not good for her, and that's going to take some time to work itself out. If I were you, I would also have her checked for drugs. If she is seeing a boy that smokes and smokes pot, chances are she is doing it too. She also needs to be talked to about sex and all it's responsibilities. She has made the decision to start doing adult things and she needs to be aware of the consequences that are involved with such activities.
I agree with the other posters in the respect that the boy's mother is condoning what's going on. I would take the advice you were given keeping in mind the emotional transition your daughter is going through.
Good luck - I don't envy you.

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