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[QUOTE=bulletproof;2960825]I'm a little confused about why your relationship with the friends has to be all or nothing. Couldn't you continue your friendship with the one woman you really like, and see her one-on-one? You mentioned that you won't like that she takes the ex's side, but do you even have to discuss it? There's probably a million other things you could talk about. Friends aren't always going to agree with us, and I think defining it as "taking sides" is not really going to do anyone any good.

I definitely understand your sympathy for your brother, but I think you might be personalizing it a bit. A breakup takes two people, and you only have his side. Whether she is with someone now or not doesn't really matter at this point. If you truly believe that she was sleeping with this person prior to breaking up with your brother, perhaps you could gently suggest to him that he see a doctor as a precaution, not because you know for a fact that she was cheating (since nobody does know this).

This might be a really great time for both of you to help each other.[/QUOTE]

Yes of course I know a break up takes two, and that's the point I've been trying to make. My brother's side of the story is that it's all HIS fault, HIS fault, he takes all the blame. I try to tell him she was not perfect either, that in the long run she just wasn't the right one for him, but he will hear none of it.

As for remaining friends with the co-worker/friend, it just depends I suppose. When I do see the co-worker/friend, she asks me how my brother is doing, as she is concerned, so it is a common thread that we have. I am certainly not going to hide the fact that I am very disappointed with the ex, which she may have a problem with since the ex is her best friend. I suppose whether our friendship lasts will really be more up to her than up to me and whether she can stomache what I have to say and how I feel about her best friend. And just to be absolutely clear on this matter, I do NOT hold the ex responsible for making the decision to break up with my brother if this relationship just wasn't what she wanted. I don't even really hold against her the fact that she moved on so fast or so easily, well maybe a little, but not entirely. what I am really upset with, what really disturbs me most, is the fact that my brother was not mean at all, not bitter or nasty, all he did was kindly and gently tell her that he loved talking to her and misses her but he needs to move on and start healing and he simply can't start getting over her while continuing to talk to her. She could have, and if she ever gave a darn about him she WOULD have, said, "ok, I understand, I'm sorry you don't want to stay in contact, but if that's what you need, ok. Hopefully a few months or a year down the line we can at least run into each other and be friendly and civil. I wish you all the luck in the world." But she didn't say that. The only real reason I'm upset with her is that she chose to make it all about her yet again and get angry and pi$$y with him and say "fine, I won't call you again" and hung up on him, making him feel even worse, as she jumps in bed with someone new, all cozy and happy and hunky dorey. That's not someone who ever really cared about him. I know for a fact that she said that because I heard it not only from my brother but from the co-worker/friend. And I saw with my own eyes how cozy and happy she is with her new man, so where does she get off getting angry with my brother for his simply wanting to get just a little closer to where she already is and probably has been for over a month? She has her head up where the sun don't shine if she can't understand even a little bit why just the mere sound of her voice would be pulling the scab off the wound and making it bleed all over again for my brother, and he just needed to leave the scab on for a while so the wound can heal. D'uh!!! What is wrong with some people, doesn't she even have a heart at all? It was totally wrong of her to have held that against him. Period. That's what makes me want to kick her butt.

I agree that my brother's ex being with someone else now does not matter really, only that it's proof that she was never as emotionally invested in the relationship as my brother was if she needed no time to mourn or to heal like one usually needs after a break up. She obviously experienced no feelings of loss or sadness over the relationship and is perfectly fine, and was perfectly fine even before they officially broke up, which puzzles me since the co-worker friend told me that when my brother came over the ex's after the break up to drop off her keys, the ex called the co-worker friend and told her "I'm a basket case!" So I have absolutely no idea what's goin on in her little brain. All I know is, like I said, my brother blames himself and only himself for the break up. I try to tell him it takes two, and I hung out with them quite a bit during their relationship and I witnessed her being rather critical of him, and I talked to her myself about our mother and she made up her mind to hate our mother even before she met her, but all my brother can say is "I can't really blame her" for anything. The fact remains that the ex has totally fallen out of favor with me, and I don't intend to hold my tongue or pull punches regarding that. If the co-worker/friend is understanding of that, then I suppose we can still be friends one on one, since it really is just too painful to see the ex with her new man. I tried to get up and play guitar Saturday night in front of them and I started shaking uncontrollably and could hardly regulate my breath, my ears started pounding and even after I sat back down I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. I realized it was because I was so upset at seeing her so intimate with someone new soooo soon. It just showed me she never really cared that much for or about my brother, and that really hurts. I feel like she lied to me when she told me she cares soo soo much about him. And that's the one thing I simply can't abide, is being lied to. So I think if I do continue a friendship with the co-worker/friend, and if she wants to as well, it will have to be when the ex and her new man are not around.





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