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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

May 2, 2007
I am new to this board and I am hoping I can gain some insight from others.

I am 23 years old, college graduate, working as a research coordinator at a hospital and in a great relationship of 2 and a half years. I still live at home with my parents as I save money and I am also attending grad school part time.

I started to feel "not myself" around the end of February, so it has been a couple of months. At first I didn't know what it was, but then I thought it had to do with my ex boyfriend (the relationship lasted for one year when I was 17-18 years old, it ended over 5 years ago). In February, I went to a bowling alley for the first time since the last time I saw my ex boyfriend, and i think this triggered something in me. I never had closure with the ex, as we parted ways when we went to college, never really officially ending amacibly, but just stopped talking. I was very upset and heartbroken for about a year. I randomly think of him on occasion and wonder how he is, as he was my first love, but the thoughts go just as fast as they came and they never bothered me. I have been dating my current boyfriend for almost 2 and a half years and he is my soulmate. He is everything the ex wasn't (he is also my first relationship since the ex). Our relationship progressed fast, and I feel in love very fast. It felt good to love again and it felt good to find my other half- everything I ever dreamed of in another person.

So, since the bowling alley incident I have been feeling very weird, leading to depression. The reminder of my ex boyfriend has made me very sick and upset. Even more troublesome is that I have let it affect me 5 years later, while I am in a really great relationship. The part that bothers me the most, however, is that I have allowed myself to become depressed and upset. Depression symptoms include loss of appetite and weight, trouble sleeping, and crying a lot for no reason.

I know there are a lot of other factors that have probably contributed to it- a fight with my mom, acceptance to grad school (overwhelming), stressful job, just a combination. My friends have told me perhaps I am suffering from a quarter life crisis, but I don't want to just assume that is the answer.

I went to a therapist last week and told her about everything. She said I never had closure from my boyfreind, and it is now bothering me. She said I need to realize that my current boyfriend is not going to hurt me like my ex, which is another fear I have. I was afraid to tell my current boyfriend what was bothering me because I didn't want him to think I was thinking about my ex in that way. He has been completely understanding throughout the whole ordeal, and I am so lucky for that.

My therapist suggested I write the ex a letter, but not to mail it. I honestly don't think this will work but I will give it a try. I just want to go back to being happy. My life, of so I thought, was absolutely perfect. I can honestly say I have everything I want at this point- job, going to grad school, wonderful boyfriend, good family, health etc. Why am I not happy?

My main fear is that I am going to lose my current boyfriend- he is my rock and he has been there for me through all of this. Our relationship is great, we get along very well and rarely fight. We both want the same things in life and we both have the same dreams- marriage, house family. We always have a lot of fun together no matter what we do, and he is my best friend, I tell him everything. Perhaps all of these thoughts recently have become overwhelming, I don't know.

I just want my life to go back to the way it was before all this. I am trying to be hopeful that it will, but its really hard :(

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