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Relationship Health Message Board

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I have been with my partner for 5 years. We are extremely happy together and have been through a lot that has made us stronger. We don't live together because I want to wait until we are married and our sex life is good but we only get to when we have a place to go. We are both stressed out from our career futures and we don't have many friends. He used to get very jelous when I would hang out with men and I would in return. He told me when we were friends that he wouldnt go to the movie theatre with me because I was still with someone. When I ended the other relationship that was meant to end, I found my new guy to be less comforting when I was down. He would accuse me of things and call me posessive, controlling, manipulative and I don't feel like that completely because I try to tell him that I want him to have a social life and I want one too. I just get depressed if I don't get to see him that often. Anyways, there is this girl that I met once and I always thought that my boyfriend would find her attractive and they would hit it off. When he went to college, he had to drive to another town and asked if it was alright if he could carpool with a girl. I was like ya if it saves you gas thats fine I was comfortable with that. Then I learned it was the same girl that I always thought he would hit it off with. I got very uncomfortable and told him that. They did continue to carpool and he told me stories that she told him about her. Personal stories, like when she had her period, what kind of sex toys she had. I made the mistake of asking him if him and I werent together if he would be with her and he said yes. Stupid me, that was an obvious one. Morally I believe that for a girl to tell a guy sexual things that are personal is a no no if the guy has a girl friend. This girl is engaged but let me tell you, I wonder why her and her fiance are still together because they have issues. So she comes crying to him and flirts with him. He told me that as soon he was done school that he wouldnt hang out with her but guess what, life is testing me right now because she got this marketing job that I always dreamt of and the company happens to be merging with the company he is working with. Okay whatever, if they work together thats life but he wants to hang out with her and that makes me so uncomfortable. I have told him countless times to not talk about her because she is going to break us up. He hates altimatums when I keep getting tempted to say, its either her or me. I am very insecure because I can't compare mystelf to her. He tells me that I am pretty and taller than her and yes I do love myself. He told me that I cant dictate who he hangs out with and I agreed but I kept looking at him trying to explain myself. I told him that in the past that he got jelous when I hung out with guys and I dont hang out with them because I thought it made him uncomfortable. He hid under a blanket and then finally looked up and said fine, you can hang out with whoever you want wherever and whenever and he could too. We are both jelous people and I know I can't control what he does with his life. I trust him but I dont trust the miss perfect girl. I want him and I to get married but he even told her the date when him and I might tie the knot but I dont even have a ring yet. I was so horrified when I found out he told her when and I know that if we avoid talking about her it will keep bottling up. I have never cheated on him or anyone and hes never cheated but we both have been cheated on by other people. So is it alright for me to say that I don't want him to be friends with her because it makes me uncomfortable? I told him that if I had a guy friend that made him worried, if he would be upset and he denied it. I would be willing to hang out with that guy and him together but I really dont like this girl and he doesnt invite me out with her or other girls because he says that I am agressive and he doesnt know what I will do. I am not the fighting type but I like to stand up for myself. THen he asked if he could hang out with another classmate thats a girl and that was fine b/c I met her before and I am not uncomfortable with her but he won't invite me out with them. He "doesn't" carpool with her now but he was considering it again since they pretty much work together now. I was driving to me college to write a final exam last week and I saw the girl driving past me and she drove by herself and then a while later, she went into the right lane behind him and then he saw me and followed me. What do you think would be appropriate for me to say. He even said that I don't have to be with him. He is really cold when we fight about this and keeps glaring at me and asking why I am crying. Its so painful because he tries not to talk about her and then if I bring something related to her accidently, he accuses me that I brought her up. He also calls me a dictator. Also in regards to the sex talk, he told me that it should be fine b/c its what guys talk about and he is comfortable with that sort of thing and because he is comfortable about talking about it, its fine to talk about it with her. He said that if I tell him something personal that I specifically say "don't tell anyone" he wont but if I dont say it well I bet all of his co-workers and friends know. The funny thing is on an online program she said "Hayyyyyy Michael. You and Taisa need to hurry up and get engaged already. for fart sakes Michael. Anyways, ciao" then he said "August 8 2008...BYOB". So there you have it, we aren't engaged and he told her and the world a date that him and I personally chose and now I don't know if that day is going to happen. also I told him that I dont want her to be at our wedding and he said that he should have a say in who he brings and related to before when I didnt want his annoying best friend to come either but I said I would rather you bring him than her. Then I stated how many people we may expect at the wedding (30) and that I would bring 50% of them and he said so who can I bring and I was like friends and family and then said then you cant bring your best friend just to hurt me.

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