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[QUOTE=brooklyn02;2965667]thanks for your reply, it really helped - i can relate to everything you said.

i think the feeling anxious is related to my future, a kind of fear of the unknown! money is going to be tight from now on, i will no longer be able to rely on him, although things have been tough between us it will still be strange when he's not around, knowing that ' no one ' is coming home, its just me.

he's being really nice at the moment, i don't know why - he hasn't been nice to me in months! he's either hoping i'll change my mind or pleased that i've finally made the decision for him and looking forward to his freedom, he's trying to get fit and actually making an effort with his life which i'm kind of offended by as he's spent the last few months depressed and hardly moved from the sofa but i know it could very quickly change to him feeling sorry for himself and blaming everything thats gone wrong in his life on me, so i'm trying not to get to upset with his enthusiasm at seperating from me.

i guess we'll probably both go through stages, right now i need to get used to the idea of being on my own, which is difficult because he's still here and probably will be for a couple of months.

i can understand why you didn't completely separate in those 5 months, i can imagine when he leaves i will remember all the good things about him, i will have to eventually see him because of the kids, its strange how the mind works - when he finally meets someone else i can imagine that i'll feel jealous of him being itimate with someone and at the same time feel really sorry for the woman because i know what he's like - how can you feel jealous and sympathetic at the same time?

whats your situation now? how long has he been gone? and how are you both getting along?
what kind of effect did it have on the kids?
have either of you met anybody else?

sorry for all the questions, but its interesting to speak to somebody whos been there.[/QUOTE]

Your questions are fine. I am getting tired and need to hit the sack, but I will take a minute to answer you, just for you.

Well we have 3 kids together and this time we have only been apart 2 weeks. He is keeping my son. I would say I am going to stress our last break up instead of the current one for a second for your sake of concerns.

See we split up and he met someone within like 1 month. I think maybe they knew each other from a bar and had talked and flirted prior to me breaking it off. Anyhow he was getting the kids every other weekend and they was meeting her and all this. I just thought it was all to soon, but the kids was/seemed fine with it all and did not understand why I thought it was to soon. I ran into him and her @ a bar one night and that was the most akward thing to deal with and I cried in the bar and cried. I could not move, I was froze. I actually said hi to her and all that, but I looked at him like this is killing me and he knew it was killing me. Later that night we talked forever about it and I told him I wanted to hurt her really bad but it wasn't her it was him I am mad at. He said yeah if that would have been me seeing you with a guy I probably would have killed him. He said I handled it well.
Now the downfall of that, I wanted him again. I could not stand him with another woman. I didn't realize it at the time though. We didn't get back together for months.

We got back together and it wasn't a month later I was unhappy again, but I stuck it out about 2 years. Sad, but true. I want us to work but it just is not working.
Now we split up 2 weeks ago and we have not argued about anything (remind you he has our son) and he is being very nice and helpfull. I have always said he is a great guy, it's the fact him and I are not compatable. He does more for me when we are seperated than he does for us when were together. It's just weird girl.
This piece and quiet is weird but I enjoy it. I am missing him now cause I am a little scared at night. The wrong reason to go back is because I need money, safety etc. He is just down the street and I could call and he would come running if he thought someone would hurt me. He is just that way.
We will be friends hopefully forever. He/I know the love we have for each other no one else can replace even if we find someone else. It just won't happen.
I have met no one else and to be honest at this point I don't want anyone else. I want to be happy and enjoy me for a change and not worry about someone wanting this or that. I have kids to attend to :).
I am sure in another 3 months I will be wanting someone else :).

Ok time to hit the sack:p
Oh I forgot to mention so far I have cried maybe 2 times and they was a quick cries. I cried to many nights when we argued and I listened to the name calling childish angry words we would say to each other. Either one of us deserve this. Our kids seem very happy and actually a little happier. Not much but a little.

The kids will try to take advantage of the situation no matter the age. So be a little more on top of things so they see you are not letting them get by with murder over the split up. Keep the kids out of the divorce is one of my biggest things. Yes the kids need to hear why and they need to hear a small piece of facts. Do not make the kids feel guilty and do not keep the kids from each other just for money. That is just stupid. The kid suffers more mentally than him not eating a meal or something. Really. The saying Money can't buy love. DO not hold this against the other spouse, let them be a part of that childs life. If the father doesn't want to, that is his fault and you can not blame your self. If he is that selfish then he has it worse than my ol man :yawn:

Ok I am tired and I am sure you wanted to read all this personal crap from me. Sorry so long winded. Write back





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