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[QUOTE=ILYF;2975929]There are female friends and there are Ex girlfriend friends...I have no problem with the former...have huge problems with the latter!!!!!:mad:[/QUOTE]

I would have been in full and total agreement with this up till about two or three years ago.

I find this a very interesting topic; I dont think it's something you can generalise about though, the whole 'opposite sex friend' thing, because it depends so much on the individuals. If there is a past sexual history, as ILYF points out, it changes everything and in the majority of cases there's just no getting away from that. But having said that, some of the worst damage ever done to my relationship was done by my bf messing around with a so-called 'friend'.

I would always have said I'd no problem with him having friends of the oppostite sex, and I would always have been genuinely sincere in saying that, but my bf messed around with three people during the first few months of our relationship, and long afterwards, when he saw fit to come clean about his infidenities, he disclosed that one of these three people was a female I had always known to be strictly a friend. They had no sexual history of any kind, and so of course I accepted the situation of 'just friends'.

Well excuse me, but I dont get sexual with my friends, so maybe some people have different ideas about friendship than others. I have to state here that he had known this 'friend' for TEN YEARS before meeting me, so I reckon, in that instance, it wasnt unreasonable of me to assume that if anything was going to happen between them it would have happened before we met! :dizzy: The part that hurt worst was that I knew and liked this woman. I used to actually ask him to call her and ask her to come over and spend some time with us before that happened! :dizzy:

Well, one night they got plastered and had a drunken kiss and a grope on her sofa. The way I felt they may as well have had intercourse, it didnt make a damn bit of difference to me; I felt so hurt, angry and betrayed.

That experience did [I]a lot[/I] to influence my mindset on this issue and really went a long way to changing the way I think. The way I see it now, if you cant trust a TEN YEAR history of strictly friendship not to develop into something else when your back's turned, what the hell can you trust between a woman and your man; do they need to have been friends for fifteen years??..Twenty???

So yeah, naturally now I am very wary of the idea of my bf having associations with female 'friends'.:rolleyes:
[QUOTE=Laylah;2994098]All I'd have to say to any woman who maintains we women shouldnt care less if we have someone panting after our man would be this: why dont you try the situation on for size and see how you like it?![/QUOTE]

HEEHEE! Right! And I'm going to say if someone can look the other way while some other woman is fighting for their man's attention then you go girl because you're a better woman than I am!!!!!! The EX of my husband acts like she just can't understand why I don't want her around when I am sooooo freakin' sure she'd sit back and let her BF be buddies with his EX gf! OH RIGHT...she's so jealous that he can't even look at a topless woman in an R rated movie or she runs in front of the TV to hide it from him seeing!!!!!!!!!! "Whatever" on that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do know that every situation is different...If I stop thinking about what happened to me and look at a different situation...I can see that people could associate with friends of the opposite sex if that person is a decent level headed mature individual and isn't some crazy psycho mooching person! My EX husband actually had a very good female friend...his best friend I'm sure...that I felt no threat from but she wasn't someone that he had ever had sex with and I knew that there was no sexual attraction on his end. We are divorced and they aren't together!!!!! Nor did they get together any after the divorce.
And you are assuming that I have a problem with my partner having female friends. I dont know how you arrived at that assumption, but it is the wrong one. He has female friends who are more than welcome in his life, and mine. My issue is with females who wear the 'friend' mask all the while hoping for the day they'll get into his pants. If you've tried all sizes, you should know this one isnt a comfortable fit.

[QUOTE=marie72;2994301] LAYLAH,

Your assuming that the women are panting after your man, it's often the other way around, the man keeps the woman's interest by his actions. [/QUOTE]

It often is the other way round, but it wasnt in my case. When I refer to my experience of this here I am thinking specifically of an ex of his from many years ago who chased him to a degree which was so extreme it was humiliating for her, [I]much[/I] more so than for me. When I got pissed off with the situation and went into his phone to get some answers, I didnt "assume" what I saw, which was literally dozens of calls and texts in his inbox, and not one in his outbox. If that isnt chasing after someone please explain the term as it relates to this context, because I must misunderstand it. And if she was capable of being "kept interested by his actions" considering his never returning her calls or texts I can only assume the woman escaped from the loony bin at some prior point in time.

[QUOTE=marie72;2994301]Stop blaming the other woman..... your looking from respect from the wrong person...the other woman!...it should come from the SO!! [/QUOTE]

You're absolutely right in that anyones SO ought to respect them, if you think I'm not in agreement with that you should ask my bf about my feelings on the issue, lol. But seriously, I also believe that common decency dictates that people should respect the parameters of other peoples relationships. That's why I wouldnt sit in another womans partners lap, regardless of my own relationship status.

I fully agree that the men in situations like this need to get rid of the female whose presence is causing problems, couldnt agree more in fact. That's exactly what I demanded my SO do, and, lucky for him, that's exactly what he did. I dont put up with women with sexual intentions lurking around like a bad smell causing problems in my relationship. Those women get the heave-ho around here pretty damn fast, and if some people want to label me insecure or whatever, well, in the famous words of Rhett Butler, frankly my dear, I dont give a damn. I'm sure his ex had some words to that effect to say about me when I called her home and told her she'd better keep her pathetic nympho ***** out of my relationship. Am I supposed to care what she or anyone else has to say? I protected my relationship, demanded my bf do the same, and her ***** ended up where it belonged.

Seriously, I cant imagine [I]any woman[/I] who'd had the experience of an ex with sexual intentions calling and texting their man literally DOZENS of time a day not understanding the way I responded to all that BS. I'd do the same thing tomorrow morning, and if it was [I]that[/I] particular woman I was having to deal with, she'd probably get a smack in the puss for her troubles this time round.





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