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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hey Guys,

It's really been a while since I have posted here! Back again... hello to all the new people. And of course Happy Mother's Day!

I dont even know where to begin. Im so angry right now I dont know where to start. Long story made short, Im living with a guy who I think is ABSOLUTELY controlling. He was normal when we were dating. In fact he was so much fun. Now that I live with him? Oh my god. I was wrong. Im not really sure what I want to do or how to do it. I dont really know what I want to do. The smart thing is to leave - its just difficult right now since we signed a year lease together. I checked with my realtor and I was informed that I had to pay the remainding time if I wanted to break it. Not an option at all.

So I feel stuck. The man does love me. He really cares about me. In fact he wants to spend all his time with me. That is the problem. He just wants to be with me and around me ALL THE TIME. He gets smart if I was hanging out with my grandma. He wont tell me not to go... instead he will say something like "It must be nice to do whatever you want to do".

A little back ground. He had a daughter at a very young age. That ended his hopes to play football for college. He was and still is a great athlete and I dont doubt his capabilities at all. In fact, I admire him for not abandoning his daughter. However, I feel like since he has responsibilities and he is obviously restricted with his activities - he expects me to live the same kind of life! He gets his daughter every weekend - he wants me to stay home and spend all my time with both of them. Crickey! I dont remember when was the last time I got my hair done or went shopping on my own!!!!

Going to the gym was a fight! He was furious... NO LIVID that I joined the gym and went there WITHOUT HIM. I gained 10 pounds and I wanted to tone up some. I used to run cross country and roller blade... and do boot camp with my father who was an ex marine. I was really in tip top shape. I wanted to get back fit. Ever since I moved out of my dad's place... its been very different. Working out has gradually weaned its way out of my life. I wanted to get that back. And he keeps saying I look wonderful and compliments me all the time. I appreciate that however, it doesnt really help any if I dont feel that way. Cmon ladies... Im sure you can relate!!!

Anyways, he was really angry and told me he couldnt handle it. I dont see what the big deal is? In fact I dont even know how to explain it to him. He finally gets over the gym thing AFTER 9 hours of in and out fighting. However, everytime I go he flinches and makes really smart remarks. He MONITORS what I wear. He does not want me to wear tight spandex capris - so much for yoga and pilates. He does not want me in an aerobic class FILLED with women wearing a sports bra. How does he justify it? What is wrong with him not wanting other guys to look at my woman? My point is... what is wrong if they go look at me? I have asked him... You want to be with a woman that NO BODY wants to look at?

I cant even begin to explain how he gives me disapproving looks if I wear a skirt or a low cut shirt - it always goes back to how Im wanting attention from other men and how he just wants to enjoy his meal with me without having to deal with all the guys looking at me.

He just embarrasses me! A young boy was looking at me... well I wasnt even paying attention since I thought I scratched my car. My bf saw and went straight up to him and said..."What are you looking at? Are you okay?" I was so humiliated! Why cannot he just take that as a compliment and move on? I do GO HOME TO HIM.

He has to speak with me everyday. Calls me every hour. Heck he demanded one time that I called him every 45 minutes because he missed me. How can you miss somebody you see everymorning and go to bed with every night. This is awful... but Im getting sick of it. He has to tell me he loves me everyday. That is all sweet... but it just gets old. He tells me he loves me atleast 8 times a day - LITERALLY. He askes me everyday... if not every other day if I love him and want to really be with him.:(

I just need some advice with the gym thing - how do you explain to somebody that you just need a ME time. He says its going to take time away from me and him. An hour per day at the gym just ALTERS our lives doesnt it? Its just so petty... I just want to scream and tell him he is so ignorant and my patience is WEARING THIN!!!!!!!!!!!! This is highschool stuff - no, I feel like he is a 6 year old who cant play on his own without mommy there! :dizzy:

I want to work it out but Im just getting really irritated with him. I just want to do my own thing without being asked, without fighting, without explaining, without JUSTIFYING myself and without being made guilty.:confused:





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