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Relationship Health Message Board

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okay ghostfreak.... i have been the girl in your girlfriends shoes. i was dating this guy and we had future plans... and one day i decided that i needs space. i need to think. i am 20, and i know that is young which is why i wanted space... and it was a long distance thing so i guess i wanted to see what else was out there. i wanted to live my life without having to answer to somebody, be independent like i use to be. making my own choices, doing last minute things... again without having a person to tell first. one reason that i pulled myself away from 'the boyfriend' was because i didnt trust him. he disrespected me many times and i felt shattered on the inside.

he has told me the same exact things you have said in this thread. that its tearing him apart not talking to me, he doesnt want to let go of this love that we have, etc etc. when he told me those things, all it did was push me further because i felt he was too attached. also i will mention i was the first girl hes been in love with, so i was afraid one day he may just decide im not what he wants... and by then we would have built so much together. i wanted him to go out and meet woman, and date them. then i would know if he was interested in another female, he wasnt really in love with me. well he refused to date, and he said he would do anything to have me back.

well we are still "working on it" and one thing that made me come back to him (i was to the point where i honestly didnt have any intention on taking him back).. anyway the one thing that made me come back to him was because i started to hang out with a new guy, and i found myself thinking about 'the boyfriend'. thats when i realized, hey i really love this guy. maybe things can work. and i really think, a big reason i thought about him while with someone else was because i was getting my space. he hadn't called or texted in long periods of time. we actually didnt speak to eachother for like a week.

so now.. here i am. and i feel like i need space again. he has become really insecure.. blah blah blah. lets not get into that because this is about you! so ANYWAY... give her the space she is asking for. she wants to be single, so let her. she is 20, and i know the exact way she feels. there is so much out there that we (people at our age) want to experience. we just need to decide if we want to experience new things with somebody else, or by ourself... or i guess with our friends. if you prove to her that you can proceed without her in your life, that will tell her something. i told 'the boyfriend' that i wanted him to get use to not always talking to me.. and seems like thats what she did with you. we dont want to be "depended" on, we want to be wanted. so maybe if you prove to her you can live your life without her, yet a month later you still WANT her.. that may be her reality check. you see?

like these others said, dont put her on a pedistool but dont let yourself be a sucker. make your boundaries yet dont be obsurd with them. try not to make it seem like everything revolves around HER. i know that when 'the boyfriend' acted "too nice" i felt like i was being smothered. i felt he was being pushy. so try to bite your tongue and at the same time let her know you do still care but that you needed your space as well ... does that make sense?

i hope i helped!!!!! dont give up on it. anything is possible, and remember if this does not work out then there is somebody else out there that will make you happier than she did. :)

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