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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


That is actually a commom problem when talking online to people. It is so hard to convey what you mean exactly becuase you are in the moment and dont really take the time to word things just right when chatting online. So misunderstandings can happen so easily.
In taking your time to write a letter/email you can think more clearly and take your time in wording it.
To those of us at home a bad day is like you said a bad customer, you hair not doing just right, the dog doing something stupid, the cat getting loose and so on. Over there a bad day is so much more: from friends being shot or killed, listening to bombs and guns going off at all hours,seeing things in person what we see on the news nightly and most times worse than what we see. It is hard on them and many dont know how to deal with those things. When the boiling point is reached they tend to lash out at those closest to them. The saying "you hurt the ones you love the most," is so very true. Like you said he does apologize to you. Granted after the fact but you can at least know he does realize he has done wrong. I know it hurts and the damage is already done. But even in nonmilitary relationships words get said that do damage and apologizes come after the fact. I think what some of this is in couples that argue face to face when it is over with and things are mended hugs and cuddling help repair the damage. With him over there and you here there arent any hugs to reassure you?? So it does feel worse because even though he is sorry you dont get the physical reassurance. I can tell you I miss that too.
Do try the letter. I would also suggest that he doesnt hang up on you if you two do argue over the phone. That is such a cold thing to do and I can tell you the times dh and I have had arguments over the phone that is one rule we have that we follow. We maybe mad at each other but we dont hang up. We have ended calls while mad but not just plain hung up. See if he will accept that as a rule between the two of you.
I dont know if he is religious or not but maybe a talk with a chaplin over there might help him. He might get offended that you suggest that but see if he will find someone to talk to about his anger. If he says he doesnt want to back off the that subject for a while.
I know it sucks to be hurt by the one you love. To miss them and then to fight with them is horrible. He does need to learn how to vent without directing it to you or making it about you. I'm sorry you are going through this and if your relationship continues it will be stronger.
But do try the email/letter thing to see if that helps him undestand and maybe fix things. Good luck





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