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Relationship Health Message Board

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Tivo I have to disagree with you on this one. The reason being is I'm a military wife and sister. Yep both my husband(of 12 yrs) and my brother are enlisted.
One of the hardest jobs one can ever have is being involved with a military person and it only gets harder once you are married. The reason I say that is because you are in love/loving someone who cant put you first. The military comes first. You are their support when they cant offer support back. You are the one taking care of the the home issues without letting your spouse/partner know that there are issues because you dont want htem stressing while they are away from home. So you take care of the leaky sink, the weird noise coming from the car, and the list goes on. It is truly one of the hardest relationships one can choose to be in. Now throw in the fact this spouse is serving a tour in Iraq you have just thrown the world's worst screwball to the ones left at home. Now not only do you have to worry about all the issues at home but now is the worry of is he safe today....
So this is a bit of a different situation than an average couple dealing with hostility.

Emy, I'm so sorry you are having to go through a rough patch like this the way you are having to. Yes it is wrong of him to be hostile but you have to remember where he is and what his every day life is like right now. He is dealing with things that so many of us will never know or have to deal with. My brother served a tour in Iraq just last year. It was pretty rough and the things he would talk about (that he was allowed to talk about) over the phone was pretty scary. The things he talked about once he returned was even more scary. There were times on the phone talking to him I could hear the anger in his voice. He tried very hard to keep calm and keep things light on the phone but me being the older sister I know my brother too well.
I also have several friends that have served over there now and I can tell you they all come back changed people. Some more than others.
Chances are he is trying to vent and not being very good at it. Guys dont tend to be or at least doing it without directing it those around them. It took my husband a long time to figure that trick out and to be honest there are times he slips and I feel like I'm the one that screwed up. I do speak up and let him know how I'm feeling and he backs off. But it has taken years of "training" to get him that
Since your bf doesnt want to let you address the issues how about writing him. Let him know that you understand he is under a lot of stress but that he needs to ease up on directing it at you. Let him know you support and love him but that you dont need to be treated that way. Another thing you can do is see if there are any military wives/gfs in your area that you can talk to and get advice from them. It might not be easy because you wont have access to the base and the help that can be offerred to spouses.
Please understand I dont condone his behavior but I can understand where it is coming from and why. He is wrong. I hope you can work it out cause it sounds like you do love him just getting a raw deal right now.

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