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Hi all and thanks again for your input.

What I didn't tell everyone is the stupid things I did that provoked him. There are always 2 sides to every story and I painted a horrible picture of him but never said what I did.

During one of our fights (before this post) I was so upset with him that I called up his twin brother and his therapist leaving messages that were not nice. So bf was furious with me. I know that was a really stupid thing to do and I still don't understand why I made those telephone calls saying horrible things about him.

The night before he had his fit when I deliberately slept on the couch because I was so upset he had a bottle of his medication on the kitchen table and after he woke me up I was so furious that I took half of the pills and hid it on him. Those pills are for his pain. He asked me that morning if I took his pills and I didn't answer him. I put on an innocent look and pretended that I had no idea what he was talking about. He had to leave as he had things to take care of.

Later on he asked me again if I took his pills and I decided to tell him the truth. When he came back to my house he was very upset when I handed him back his pills and that's when he had that fit.

I don't understand why I am doing such immature and crazy things but I am. That scares me. I am reacting to him and I have no idea why. I don't know why I am allowing him to push my buttons (he is very good at that) and make up feel hurt and angry.

After he moved out I received many e-mails from him telling me that he forgives me because he loves me that much. Part of me really cares for him because when he is nice, he is really nice and very giving and loving. He has many great qualities and can be very compassionate and understanding. His e-mails melt my heart.

On the other side of the coin, yes, he does take many medications but not all 9 of them (for worker's comp. and disability reasons). He does take his Fentanyl Patch (opiates) for his back pain and when he is in extreme agony he takes a vicodin. I never saw him get high and he has never acted high. Just in pain.

I don't know if this is a healthy relationship, in fact, I don't know the meaning of a healthy relationship. We do communicate, we do support each other when things are going well, and we tease each other and laugh.

He keeps telling me that I am still adjusting to being in a relationship since I was alone for 10 years. Maybe part of that is true.

Why do I miss him yet at the same time I look for reasons to push him away? He comes up with good ideas to eliminate stress from my life and tells me he will help me.

Anyway, I felt it was only fair to give both sides to this story. Maybe I am just as much as fault as he is.

What do you think? I know I sound really messed up. I did date a couple of other guys before him and they didn't do anything for me.


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