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I have been with my BF for over 7 months now. He was in a previous live-in relationship for 4 years. They knew each other in high school and started dating in college, so they have a long history together. They broke up at the end of 2005 because they fought a lot and she was an overall negative person always bringing him down. He has a page on the "space website" and I saw her post things like "thanks for lunch sweets" and similar things leading me to believe they were still very much in contact and seeing each other. This was in September 2006, 1 month after I met him, but we weren't seriously dating yet. Anyway about a month into our relationship he said that she was psycho and calling him and she saw that I looked at her web page and got all upset about it and called me names and he said he never wanted to speak to her again, etc. He said if we ignore her she'll go away. The thing is she keeps calling him and he keeps talking to her! He says he feels like he is the only one in her life who can help her (she is a waitress, not very many good friends, etc). He assured me that his heart is with me and he has explained to her that he is happy with me. I know she is calling him because she still has feelings for him, although my BF won't admit it. He knows I don't like it and I told him the best thing is to stop talking to her. He said he has a hard time doing that because once a person reaches a certain point with him he can't just not talk to them and stop caring about them (as in their well being). I can't tell him what to do, but I really feel disrespected. Especially if her phone calls to him are just to pine over him and say how much she still loves him, etc. I told him the more he talks to her the harder it is going to be for her to move on. She dropped off everything he ever gave her a few months back and I thought that would be the end of it, but for some reason she's still calling him! I feel like if she hasn't gone away yet then she's never going to go away on her own and my BF will have to be the one to cut the ties.
So do I just let it go and hope she eventually goes away? I think I should stay out of it, but don't like to be walked all over either.
I had a problem with my BF talking to his ex. I feel I had good reason... even to this day she doesn't want to aknowledge my existance!

In the beginning months I was like you, uneasy but not wanting to say too much, not wanting to come off as needy or controlling or paranoid! We've been together over a year now, and on occasion he still talks to her. They've known eachother since junior high and dated for about 2 years. She is the one who does the calling, at least as far as I know. In the time that we've been together I've become more secure with myself and our relationship. Even if she does call and they have a 5-10 minute conversation.. I'll ask about wht she had to say, but it honestly doesn't get under my skin the way it used to. He loves me. He wants to be with me.

I can't expect him to drop every female friend he has, especially anyone who's been in his life longer than I have... just like he doesn't expect me to drop any male friends I have... and I also keep in contact with some ex's that have become better friends than they were boyfriends.

Your BF is most likely a really nice guy who is being honest when he says he can't just erase people from his life. He cares about her as a friend. As long as he really is telling her that he is happy with you and that she needs to accept it, then you have nothing to really worry about on his end.

Yes, in order for her to move on your BF should stop talking to her... at least for a little bit, until she is in a place where she can be happy for him.

I don't think guys really understand this about girls. He's trying to be the nice guy to both of you. He doesn't want to hurt her.. but in this case it is in her best interest. When you try to explain that to him he's just thnking that you're being a jealous girlfriend.. and I'm sure you are a little bit, how couldn't you be!!? I was! It's natural.

I think you either need to ride it out and let him get to a point where he realizes on his own that space would be best for his ex.. or try again to explain to him that girls needs time and space away from a guy their trying to get over, they just wont often do it for themselves, the guy needs to do it for them.

If you only [I]think[/I] she still has feelings for him and don't actually know.. then maybe it's best to just drop it.. trust him and his feelings for you, and be confident in yourself and your relationship with him. He's with you, you're the one he wants. Focus on that.





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