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ok,so here's my situation.....

I am a 28 year old single guy and theres a particular girl that I have an interest in. I work in a bank and shes a customer that comes in every so often. The problem is that I really want to talk to her and ask her to get together but I am looking for some advice on what exactly would be the best thing to say to her.

To provide a little background on the situation, I am 28 she is 25. I honestly have no idea if she has a boyfriend or not. I know her maybe around six months and I have never seen her with a guy but I know there is the possibility that she might not be single. Like I said, shes a customer at my job. I have had a few business dealings with her at work over the past few months and now I notice lately that she has become friendly towards me. I wouldn't even go as far as to say that shes very friendly because its not like when she comes in she has this whole big conversation with me because she doesn't. Its more like that when she comes in and sees my sitting at my desk, she will always atleast look in my direction and acknowledge me, maybe she just says a quick "hi, How are you" and smiles at me, that type of thing. I know its not much but I still think its better then her just walking right past me and ignoring me. So even though I don't know her very well, I feel like as if me and her know each other well enough that if I was to go up to her and start a conversation with her it woulnd't be like freaky to her or anything like that.

The real problem is I don't really know what to say. Generally what I would do in this type of situation would be I would start out by asking her if she has a boyfriend or not and if she were to say no then I would proceed to ask her out. But then again looking back in hindsight most of the girls that I asked out that way didn't end up working out. The other thing too is that I would really like to ask her out the next time I see her. I feel that I have already let her walk past me enough times in the past where we just said our hello's to each other and I have let the opportunity pass me by too many times as it is. Then about 30 seconds after she walks out the door I am like damn, why did I let her walk past me AGAIN and not say anything to her. I then find myself regretting it the rest of the day. I am also going to be going on vacation after next week for a week and a half and I know I wont see her during that time period so I am hoping to run into her this coming week sometime.

My question for all of you is what exactly should I say to her? Would it be too soon to ask her out? I especially would like to hear from the females on this. If you were her what would you want me to say? But as always everyone's feedback is welcomed. Thank You.

Matt.
If I were you I would take THE VERY NEXT CHANCE you get to ask her out. You dont know that she might not move home or start banking elsewhere or something and you'd then always be kicking yourself and wondering what might have been.

I think you should just approach her and ask her would she like to go for a drink sometime. That imparts a simple and non-mistakeable message to a woman. Trust me, she'll know where you're coming from with that!

Dont worry about being shy or making a bit of a balls of it with nervousness. Sometimes that can be very endearing in a mans approach. As a woman, if you see that the mans a bit nervous it communicates to you that he regards this as a big deal, and that is very complimentary.

Good luck, and be sure to let us know what she says!
[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Hi, [COLOR="Magenta"]Mattm4000[/COLOR]! I understand your quandary, man! I hate the feeling that a girl might like me and might be desperately waiting for me to make the first move, and that if I don't take the initiative, some other hombre might do it before me!

But your situation is complicate: your the worker, she's the customer. It would be somewhat simpler if the roles were reversed. I once asked out a girl whilst she was working in a supermarket. I think she was freaked out. Had I been the one working and she was the customer, a complaint might have been forthcoming. You obviously don't want that to happen.

So you have to be sure that there's something there to begin with. If you trust your intuition, then I don't see any reason to doubt that there is some kind of connection between the two of you. Eye contact is one of our most primitive forms of signalling attraction, but it's also the best giveaway! Do you ever get the impression that this customer is paying visits to the bank beyond her normal requirements? Does she make withdrawals of less than one pound/dollar? :D

So, jokes aside, I'm sorry that I'm not a female. But my inclination is that, if she is single and does indeed find you attractive, she won't be offended if you casually ask her what she has planned for the weekend. You could use that to gauge the next line of inquiry. Obviously, if she says "me and hubby are going trout fishing", then you smile and back away. But if she makes it abundantly clear that she has no plans, then you make a move. You don't seem to be shy on that score.

Of course, life's never that simple. So, chances are, any conversation you have will be cryptic and difficult to decipher. But it will be an improvement on "hello, how are you doing today?", and you might be able to build on that foundation in future visits. I think, from what you say, it's time to act. In fact, ignore the seeds of doubt that I sewed with respect to complaints and throw caution to the wind!

There has been news in the UK press this week of how women are suspicious of men complimenting them because it implies an ulterior motive. Of course it does - that's the point! So go ahead, compliment this girl and make sure she understands where you're coming from ;) In fact, do it tomorrow and tell us how it goes - I need a positive story about romance blossoming in unlikely circumstances!

EDIT: Regarding what [COLOR="Magenta"]Laylah[/COLOR] says, it is rubbish to regret not taking your chance. There was a girl on my course at university who was [I]always[/I] checking me out. I didn't get it because I felt as ugly as sin at the time. But looking back now, I realise I ought to have to have reciprocated or maybe even taken the initiative to ask her out. I got dumped by a long-term girlfriend half way through uni and was miserable for the rest. Had I taken a chance on this girl, I might have some better memories of that time of my life. It sounds to me like you want to create some better memories of mooching 'round the bank daydreaming about what it would be like to go out with this girl![/COLOR][/FONT]
Either this woman secretly has a crush on you or she doesn't. If she does then she'll jump at the chance to go out with you, and if she doesn't then she'll turn you down. There's only one way to find out!

I think you should find something fun that is going on around town, maybe a festival or concert or something happening at a museum or something, and then bring it up to her and ask if she's interested in going with you. If her face lights up and she readily agrees (or says she can't make it but then suggests another time/place) then you know you've got your foot in the door. But if she turns it down without suggesting an alternative, then you know that she just isn't interested.
For me, this looks like a "take-it-or-leave-it" situation. If I were in your shoes, I would approach this girl with a smile and say something along these lines.

- Hello. I have something to ask you.
- Yes?
- Can we have lunch together today? I am leaving at 1PM. etc...

That is, you must take her by surprise. You have to elicit from her an impulsive or intuitive response. Don't give her much time to think. Of course, this approach requires some courage and sense of humour. Sense of humour, most of all. In a way, you have to disconcert or disarm her. Don't ask her out for a future event or for tonight. Ask her here and now. Improvise it.

If she says no, which is a possibility, then there's nothing left for you to do. Keep smiling and say:

- Oh, what a pity! Good bye. See you.

You have nothing to lose. It's better to be rejected than to remain dreaming about this girl. Forget her.

Now, I am just wondering what will happen either way to your professional relationship with her after your approach. If she says no, there will be some embarrassment on both sides. If she says yes and if it develops into a more intimate relationship, you both will need to separate your private life from your office life. So either way you have new challenges ahead of you.

Good luck.
[QUOTE=pendulum;2995015] In a way, you have to disconcert or disarm her. Don't ask her out for a future event or for tonight. Ask her here and now. Improvise it.

If she says no, which is a possibility, then there's nothing left for you to do. Keep smiling and say:

- Oh, what a pity! Good bye. See you. [/QUOTE]

Well I cant speak for this girl obviously, but if I figured out a man was attempting to "disconcert or disarm" me, he'd have just blown it. I'm pretty sure a lot of women would say the same.

Also I think there'd be a high liklihood she'd say no to an impromptu date sprung on her like that whether she wanted to or not. Not many people can just drop everything and head off with some man for lunch at the first suggestion, unless they have nothing whatever going on in their lives!
[QUOTE=Laylah;2995026]Well I cant speak for this girl obviously, but if I figured out a man was attempting to "disconcert or disarm" me, he'd have just blown it. I'm pretty sure a lot of women would say the same.

Also I think there'd be a high liklihood she'd say no to an impromptu date sprung on her like that whether she wanted to or not. Not many people can just drop everything and head off with some man for lunch at the first suggestion, unless they have nothing whatever going on in their lives![/QUOTE]

Maybe you are right. But I am speaking as a man and I am in search of a quick fix for our friend. Maybe a more cautious and ceremonious approach would work better here, but who knows? I think this case is much like gambling: it feels better to take a "great" risk. But yes, I may be wrong.

If the girl already feels something for him, she might accept it straightaway or she might hesitate and [U]suggest another date[/U]. I suppose many women are positively surprised (though they may not admit it) by an impromptu invitation, especially if they are curious about the inviter.

If this girl had never seen him before, then of course this quick approach would make no sense. But it seems that there is already something in the air.

Of course she may be scared. That is why I suggest that he should smile and use his sense of humour. He could use words such as: "Don't be afraid..." or "Please take a breath..." or "Sorry, I need a quick response because I am going away..." I think that you have to "disconcert" her in such a way that she can feel amused. If you are able to amuse her, then in all likelihood you have won a point.

Carpe diem.
I would be very subtle in the approach, but yes!!!! you should ask her out for a drink or dinner. The worst thing a man can do in his life, is to regret for the rest of his days what might have been. If she says yes, than maybe it could be the start of something good. If she says no, you can still be friends, and you wont have to kick yourself for the rest of your life and freak out about what might have been.
[QUOTE=pendulum;2995402]He could use words such as: "Don't be afraid..." or "Please take a breath..." [/QUOTE]

Sorry Pendulum, I guess we're not going to see eye to eye on this. If a man started out by advising me: "Dont be afraid.." the first thing I'd wonder would be what he felt I might need to be afraid of, lol!

Also, if a man asked me to drop everything at that moment and go somewhere with him I'd feel he was too eager and probably a bit of a headcase! I guess it's just cultural differences at play here. I suspect things are done quite differently in Brazil as compared to Ireland.

I'm guessing Brazilian men are much more spontaneous and passionate. Maybe if I ever find myself single I'll take a trip to Rio to cheer myself up!;)
I tend to agree with Laylah, unless you look just like Antonio Banderas, lol, that approach would probably scare the s*** out of me! PS, Pendulum, DO you look at all like Antonio?? Cheers, Sera
[QUOTE=Seraph;2995645]I tend to agree with Laylah, unless you look just like Antonio Banderas, lol, that approach would probably scare the s*** out of me! PS, Pendulum, DO you look at all like Antonio?? Cheers, Sera[/QUOTE]

No, Sera, I don't look like Banderas, but I guess I also have my own charm, you know. :)

Laylah, as far as I am concerned, you are welcome to Rio, if you ever decide to come here.

Indeed there are strong cultural differences between Ireland and Brazil! I am afraid our men tend to be more "aggressive". But we don't know our friend's location. He could be in a place where customs and ways are so to say half way between Brazil and Ireland. My point was to get an immediate response from this girl. Ok, drop the "don't be afraid", but anyway be objective.

Now, on second thoughts, if a softer approach is needed, maybe he could write a letter and hand it to her. No, it should not be a love letter. Not at this stage. Just a handwritten note saying that he would like to meet her somewhere sometime at her discretion. He just needs the courage to hand the letter and the patience to wait for an answer.

Women like to get letters, don't they? What do you girls think?
I don't think you should do anything.I think if she was really interested you would know that without a shadow of a dout.If you have any douts than I say leave her alone.
[QUOTE=pendulum;2995689]Women like to get letters, don't they? What do you girls think?[/QUOTE]

The only letters I'm happy to see are the ones that arrive with cheques in them. Wouldnt be a good idea in the OP's case though, would send out some bogey signals, even if it did take place in a bank! :jester:
[QUOTE=dsheldon3;2995796]I don't think you should do anything.I think if she was really interested you would know that without a shadow of a dout.If you have any douts than I say leave her alone.[/QUOTE]
although posts like this certainly make me feel better about my missed opportunities that apparently weren't missed at all, i'd have to disagree. i'm pretty sure a lot of women have more subtle hints when they're interested and some guys don't see it; maybe that's not true with you (in which case there should be more women like you, ;)). most women are not that brave and most make it really hard for you to figure out.

i think mr. OP should make every effort to find out if she's single BEFORE doing anything else (one nice way to do it is to inquire about her plans for the weekend; if there's a bf, she'll likely mention it). she has an account there so she'll be back; he has time. he can afford to take it a bit slower than just a random person.
Hi all,

Thanks for all the responses. It seems like I stirred up a bit of a debate here about what I should say to her.lol. I am definately nervous to approach her because I am on the shy side when it comes to talking to girls, plus I never really know what to say. As far as whether she likes me or not, I honestly don't know. It could go either way really. I mean when I see her she does say hello to me and give me a smile. I know that could mean anything. It may just mean that shes being polite or friendly or it could also mean that she likes me. I really dont know but I do have to say that it does encourage me because even though the way that she acknowledges me is nothing major its atleast better then nothing and if she just walked right past me with her head down and ignored me and didnt say a word then I wouldnt be the least bit encouraged and I probably wouldn't even be considering talking to her.

Like I said in my original post, I don't know whether she is single or not and I guess the easiest way would just be to ask her. I see her in the bank often but not that often,the average is about once every two weeks or so.

I guess the best thing to do is just try to talk to her and hope the right words come out of my mouth when I do.lol.
Matt

Next time you see her and she says hello, catch her eyes and hold it there, if you see what I mean. If she just glances at you when she says hello, then it may just be her being polite and friendly, but if she continues her eye contact with you, and you with her, then you may well be onto something;)
Hi Brook,

Thats definately some good advice and thank you but sometimes its really hard to tell how someone really feels about you so thats why instead of just constantly wondering how she might feel I would really like to talk to her. Maybe she is a bit on the shy side as well and maybe she doesn't really know how to express herself either.

I remember a situation one time where a certain girl I knew had liked me and this was a girl that I barely knew. I just spoke to her on occasion nothing major. She ended up telling someone else that she liked me and then that person told me what she had said and I remember being shocked. I was like I can't believe that girl likes me, she barely even talks to me and she doesn't act the least bit intrestered but apparently she was.

That is kind of what I am hoping for here. Maybe shes hiding behind a little bit of shyness or nervousness like many of us are. Of course, I want that to be the case so thats why I am leaning in that direction lol but hopefully I am right.
What type of business dealings? If it was something that you could send her a thank you card, flowers (thanking her) gift certificate to Starbucks...some way that she will have to call you. Once she calls that is your opening.:D
Yeah Matt lets hope your reading her right. I'm shy with the opposite sex myself, and I know that if I liked a guy then I would probably give out the opposite signals, like maybe seem a bit aloof or something. In my twentys when I used to go clubbing, if a nice guy tried to chat to me, I would give out the vibe that I wasn't interested Basically, because when I like someone it is harder to be naturally chatty and freindly. So I can relate to that girl you were talking about, giving the impression that she wasn't interested in you, shyness is so like that.

The only problem I see here is that you are doing a professional job and she is a customer, so maybe asking her out whilst you are at work and she is visiting as a customer, maybe is not the right way to go about it. What you could do though, is try and start up a casual chat and try to steer it to finding out where she hangs out, or something like that.

I hope you see her soon:)
[QUOTE=Mattm4000;2996929] ...when I see her she does say hello to me and give me a smile. I know that could mean anything. It may just mean that shes being polite or friendly or it could also mean that she likes me. [/QUOTE]

Well, I dont know about anyone else, but the only reason I'd repetitively acknowledge a man I didnt know with a nod and a smile would be when I was interested in him. She's probably walking by thinking of what she'd like to say to you if she could work up the courage!;)
Otherwise, by the way, a woman (me anyway) would be worried about giving impressions she didnt want to give. I think the signals are good here. Go for it, and then get straight on your computer and tell us how it went! lol
[QUOTE=brook65;2996934]Matt

Next time you see her and she says hello, catch her eyes and hold it there, if you see what I mean. If she just glances at you when she says hello, then it may just be her being polite and friendly, but if she continues her eye contact with you, and you with her, then you may well be onto something;)[/QUOTE]

I disagree.Prolonged eye contact could mean nothing more than she thinks your cute ,it doesn't nessesarily mean that she wants to start something with you.
[QUOTE=dsheldon3;2997092]I disagree.Prolonged eye contact could mean nothing more than she thinks your cute ,it doesn't nessesarily mean that she wants to start something with you.[/QUOTE]

Well ofcourse it may mean nothing more than she thinks he's cute! - but hey, if she thinks he's cute then thats a very very good start:D
Hi everyone,

Don't get me wrong I am very encouraged at the idea that you seem to think she likes me by the way she acknowledges me and stuff but there is one possible explanation to that other then that she likes me. What happened was that she has been a customer of the bank for years, I have also been working there for years and I guess me and her never really noticed one another before but back a few months ago I had her at my desk like three times in maybe a three of four week period. It was all for banking related problems, nothing where I felt like she was just making excuses to come in or anything like that. It seemed to be legimitate things. So after I had those three interactions with her it seemed that right after that is when she became friendly towards me. So again I'm not sure if that means that she likes me or maybe its just shes just comfortable or feels like as if she has developed a repor with me because we worked together. That does tend to happen in my line of work. You tend to develop certain trust relationships with customers and vice versa so I am not too sure. But like you all say, I guess the fact that she does say hello to me is definately not a bad thing either right?
[QUOTE=Mattm4000;2997137]I had her at my desk like three times in maybe a three of four week period. It was all for banking related problems, nothing where I felt like she was just making excuses to come in or anything like that. It seemed to be legimitate things. So after I had those three interactions with her it seemed that right after that is when she became friendly towards me. So again I'm not sure if that means that she likes me or maybe its just shes just comfortable or feels like as if she has developed a repor with me because we worked together. That does tend to happen in my line of work. You tend to develop certain trust relationships with customers and vice versa so I am not too sure. But like you all say, I guess the fact that she does say hello to me is definately not a bad thing either right?[/QUOTE] Whatever the reason for the interest, it is still one step ahead...I think you could do a bit of "how are you?', and my favorite "Is your hair different? It suits you like that" That is not any sort of personal judgement on her appearance so quite safe to say to her, and it tells her that you are noticing her. At this point, hopefully she responds positively and you are moved on a step, or she backs off, which will give you a different message, and you haven't laid your heart on the line either. Cheers, Sera
[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Hey, [COLOR="Magenta"]Mattm4000[/COLOR] :cool: Even with what you say about having struck up a professional relationship, I think the fact that this girl acknowledges you when she comes into the bank is a positive sign that she's attracted to you. Call me shallow, but I am only likely to smile and say hello to people working in the service sector when I am physically attracted to them. Hence, I very seldom make eye contact with a barman; whereas, I try to strike up conversation with an attractive barmaid, with the express intention of signalling my attraction towards her. So it sounds encouraging :)[/COLOR][/FONT]
Erimus,

I think its very encouraging too and thats a big part of the reason I want to try to talk to her. I mean,I'm no expert, but I just think it would really be so much worse if everytime she came in she just walked past me, ignored me, and didn't say a word to me. If that was the case I don't even think I would bother. I would probably just assume that either she had a boyfriend or that she didn't like me. But even though she doesn't give me any kind of extravagant hello when she walks through the door, the small kind of quiet hello that she gives me is still better then nothing in my opinion. So, I think your right, things might be looking good here.
so there you have it. just ask talk to her and see what happens. i work at the corp center at a bank. not the branch..but in the trading/trust dept. so i don't have the public contact. but i have known of a few hookups between customer and teller/rb. nothing in the rules against it. and plus she knows your credit and criminal history must be pretty good for you to work there..thats a good thing to know these days.. good luck and keep us posted.
Hi everyone,

I just wanted to come back and give an update on this post that I originally made a few weeks ago. Well,unfortunately I still haven't seen the girl yet to talk to her. My last week before my vacation I did not see her in the bank at all and last week I was on vacation and I wont be back at work until Wednesday next week, so its not that likely I will run into her before then so I guess the wait continues.

What I would really like to know from everyone is when I do actually go up to her, whenever that might be, what should I actually say to her? Like I said in my original post I don't even know if she has a boyfriend already or not and obviously I would like to find that out before I went any further so should I start by asking her if she has a boyfriend and then if she says no then proceed to ask her out? Or should I just skip asking about a boyfriend and just ask her out and assume that if she has a boyfriend then she will either just tell me that or reject me?

I feel like once I get the conversation started with her I will be ok but I am just confused on how exactly I should start it off when I approach her.

Thank you all.
[COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Hey, [COLOR="Magenta"]Mattm4000[/COLOR]. Thanks for the update. I know what you mean about the great "does she have a boyfriend?" debate. I don't like striking up conversation with a random girl in case she suddenly announces that she has a boyfriend as though she thinks I was only interested in getting to know her as a potential date. Also, if there is a girl who interests me in that way, I don't like to just come out with it and ask them out for a drink in case they have already got a boyfriend, because I find that disrespectful to the boyfriend and awkward for the girl in question.

So, my general approach is to try to get to know a girl better before I try to move things on to the next level. Easier said than done, I know. But you have to work out how you're going to get to know this girl better so that - if she doesn't already have a boyfriend - it won't come as a shock to her if you ask her out. I guess the best way to get talking to her again when you next see her is to refer to what a great time you had with her on a previous occasion. Let her know that you enjoyed being in her company. That will go a long way to signalling your intentions without being too explicit.[/FONT][/COLOR]
I think you're debilitating yourself a little bit by overthinking things and wanting to make sure you have all the angles worked out before you make a move. If you try to ask her out and it turns out that she has a boyfriend then, oh well. Just smile and wink and say, "Hey, it was worth a shot, wasn't it?"





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