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Does it help you to swap horror stories about the prospective ‘mates’? I understood at one stage we were going to do some more of that.![/QUOTE]

Yes, it does, and yes, we were! One actually ties into what you go on to say later in your post, but one guy that I met at a club, he was alone and looked harmless and nice enough, at the next table, so I struck up a conversation with him, not really as a romantic prospect, but as a friend, or just someone to talk to at the club. He had some recording equipment he needed practice using, and I had some songs I wanted to record so we got together to record them, and he decided he was going to be my next boyfriend, even though I made it clear three times that it was only business and friendship. He would say "yeah, sure we can record, BUT you have to stay for dinner!" I don't do "have to" very well, In itself, not a disturbing phrase at all, but the way he said it bothered me, coupled with the fact that we had gone to an open mike at another club and I wanted some iced tea and the club didn't serve it and he was "oh, I want to buy you a drink" I hate feeling indebted to people, plus I could see he was ignoring our agreement to keep it on a platonic level and he was angling to try to make it more, and so I said no not necessary, so he followed me to the drug store on the corner where I pulled a SNapple out of the cooler and I said no, it's fine I'll get it myself, and he came up behind me, grabbed the bottle, twisted it out of my hand and said in an angry tone, through gritted teeth "I'M BUYING YOU A DRINK!!" This was the only time I ever saw actual temper from him, but I saw the potential for more, and he toldme stories, proudly, of how he "went off" on other people until the cops had to come and walk him away. As fate would have it, I reconnected with an old acquaintance, who moved about six months after I reconnected with him, and guess who his new roommate was? Yes, angry I'm-Buying-You-A_Drink guy! Whoa. This was 6 years later and the guy still had the hots for me and my old friend assured me what a great guy he was and kept hounding me to go out with him, kept arranging situations for us to be alone together, he invited me over to their house for dinner, even though this IBYAD guy came home two hours late and drunk. My friend kept after me why don't you want to go out with him, so on a car ride home, he asked me that question once too often and so, with three other people in the car, other people working with my friend on a project, I related the I'm Buying You A DRink story, and my friend went off, screaming at me, pounding on my dash so hard I thought he was going to punch a hole in it, yelling at me how dare I say such things about this wonderful, cool guy who treats me like a total queen, how dare I paint him out to be an abuser in front of his "crew" I need to get my head together and get over my ex (another friend of his who I dated 9 years prior, the only man I ever loved, who lied to me and messed me over) IBYAD guy has a good heart, and ex has a good heart, and how dare I run them down or say anything at all negative about them. blah blah blah. Needless to say this was the beginning of the end of our reconnection. But it always amazes me when I run into this attitude, I'm old and alone, therefor my judgment is off, my perception is off, and I obviously can't tell when someone is wrong for me. :mad:

I don’t think I ever actually rejected any of the control freaks from the dating agencies, because I was lowering my standards in the struggle to find someone! They all rejected me for having visible idiosyncrasies!![/QUOTE]

Come to think, I've never rejected anyone either. I may not have been as enthusiastic as I might, but always always willing to get to know someone and give them a chance. They always are the ones who disappear.

There was an acquaintance whom I actually met outside the friendship bureau, many years ago, because we were both very interested in exotic birds. Sounds promising? Actually I not only found him physically repulsive (but dear me, I’m not supposed to be ‘picky’, am I?) but he never washed so he smelt revolting! I shower every day so how could I endure this?![/QUOTE]

Well, at the risk of sounding too judgmental, EEEEWWWWWWWWW!!! Gross!! That's one thing I simply can't abide, either, poor hygiene habits. I sure don't blame you for that being an issue for you. Mr. IBYAD man insisted I stay for dinner after our first recording session, so I did out of courtesy (even though he insisted again, I never did again after realizing he was being manipulative) anyway, he was fighting off or just getting over a cold, which actually turned out to be a serious flue that his kids also had, he sneezed right into his hands, did not wash them, and continued to cook, rolling the food in his hands, buttering the bread. I made a joke about it, and he said "oh the heat from the cooking will kill any germs." what an idiot. Needless to say, I also caught that awful flu and was sick as a dog for a week. Way to impress a girl. But I let it slide that time because I always hounded my ex about washing his hands after going to the bathroom, after handling garbage and before preparing food, and he found me an unbearable nag, so I tried to be kinder and gentler, but it didn't get me anywhere.

He tried again: ‘When do you think middle age begins?’ ‘At about forty?’ I answered. Wrong answer! He patronisingly ‘helped’ me to see that at thirty I was already ‘middle-aged’ and should put all such youthful and foolish things as expeditions behind me, even though I hadn’t had the chance to go on one before. Spot the manipulative attempt to guilt-trip me into turning my back on life and waiting hand and foot on him instead!

I never did go to South America. Instead I stomped off to the Himalayas and never saw him again.


Oh brother!! Well, no big loss there either, I must say. You know I've told my stories before and they are usually met with disbelief, that I somehow brought these men's behavior on myself, that I must have caused it by being too closed off, not being accepting enough, not being open enough, or something. At times it made me feel rather crazy, like living in the twilight zone or something. IT's nice to know someone else has had similar experiences and it's not just me or my dysfunction. Of course, I do believe the common denomitor is me in all these failed attempts, butI refuse to believe it's all within my control and I could meet a wonderful Mr. Right if only I REALLY wanted to!! Schtsk!

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