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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hello Folks, :)

Pleased to get to know you all! :)

I think I better make two initial posts, otherwise people might respond to the other one by saying: ‘Why don’t you find another partner?’ and when I explain, the original track of that thread could be lost. I’ve seen a few posts from people who say: ‘I’ve been single forever!’ but when I look they are only in their late twenties. In other words, to me they are only just starting!

Here’s a quick synopsis of what it’s really like to be single forever.

My teens – no boyfriends.

Twenties – one boyfriend for a week on holiday. A couple of unpromising dates.

Thirties – occasionally dragging around with incompatible men because society had programmed me to be one half of a couple, and I couldn’t figure out how else I could get a relationship started. Joining a friendship bureau so I was repeatedly interviewed for the position of wife or girlfriend, then failed the other party’s strict shopping list of requirements: meanwhile any relationship criteria I had were thrown out from Day One. Resisting being guilt-tripped by a few men who lectured me on the ‘selfishness’ of having hobbies and interests instead of dropping everything for the kitchen sink!

Age 33 – I actually had a boyfriend I was in love with for a whopping *five months* before he dropped me to marry someone else! Then I had a disastrous attempt at a relationship on the rebound.

So I stomped off abroad to do something more enjoyable with my life than fret about the state of my love life. ‘Friends’ lectured me: ‘Now, dear! The Right Man is inevitably going to turn up shortly!’ until I felt I’d scream if I heard the standard clichés one more time! :eek: I just wanted some peace and quiet to enjoy life, not to jump from one stressful relationship into another. They were horrified!

It made no difference… There was no-one at all for the next twelve years… then I met the man who abused me. So my priority was recovery!

In my fifties I met a man who helped me to laugh until I was healed from trauma, so I fell in love with him. Trouble was, we met in cyberspace and I didn’t know he was married! Then he started sending me sexy emails, so I had painful mixed feelings, until his wife found out and he broke off the friendship. I was devastated!

At the age of 56 I actually met my first long-term boyfriend! He was so keen on me and we were going to move in together, but then he turned out to be He of Two Girlfriends!

So here I am, 63 and single. I hope that when you were reading to this point you didn’t think there was any self-pity in this account. I’m just telling the facts. Over the years I’ve had all kinds of attitudes to being single; hating it when relationship issues rear their heads, loving it at other times, or simply not caring either way. Right now I have a relationship issue.

The most painful attitude is: ‘Everyone else has someone!’ The most successful is: ‘No-one has everything. That’s life! Get on with it!’

Sometimes in my life I’ve been unhappy or had insufficient opportunity to meet people, and other times I’ve been happy and had lots of friends. I can’t generalise about the whole of my life, but on the whole I’m cheerful, sociable, a good mixer, interested in other people, with lots of interests. I look OK, I wear nice clothes, but I wouldn’t appeal to a man who wants a woman to wear horribly uncomfortable clothes in the name of looking sexy, or to put cooking and cleaning before all else.

What about the men who like women to have interests of their own? Well, they invariably prefer someone else, or maybe aren’t looking for anyone at all. Some people think I must be too fussy, but the fact is I have never rejected anyone whom I was even slightly fond of. But since it took 40 years to find my first relationship, I don’t have 40 years to find the second; if that’s what it takes. :confused:

I’ve come to the conclusion that I have no idea whatsoever what people do to find relationships. There must be a magic secret! Either I am doing something I ought not to do, or not doing something that I should do, but I can never discover what it is!

I now have a lovely life in beautiful countryside, with my own much-loved house, plenty of interests, and lots of friends whenever I can get out and enjoy life. (At the moment I’m housebound on crutches after a knee replacement.) I’m happy in every aspect of my life but one. My post about He of Two Girlfriends is coming soon!

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