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Relationship Health Message Board


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I'm glad you were able to get out of this relationship. Dating is supposed to be fun.....this kind of high-stress, Lifetime-movie drama is not something you need to deal with on an everyday basis.

That being said, it sounds like this woman really does have some sort of deep-seeded issues. Either she has learned over the years that her tears and suicide threats get results from men, OR she honestly has a mental illness. If you're still on speaking terms, you might want to suggest that she see a therapist. This behavior is going to sabatoge a lot of her future relationships.

I have always been a crier. My mom is the same way....we cry at movies, touching moments (weddings, showers, seeing a baby, etc.), and I have grown up soooo embarassed by my lack of ability to control my emotions. I remember crying when I failed tests in school, crying when a teacher yelled at me, crying when kids would tease me for crying, etc. etc.

This translated into my relationship with guys.....I would cry when I wasn't getting enough attention from my boyfriend, I would cry when we weren't connecting the way I wanted, I would cry when he would show up late for our dates. When I started dating my husband a few years later (we've been together for 8 years now), I fell into this same pattern, but he did me a HUGE favor by calling me out on it. I remember him saying "I didn't cry this hard when my Grandfather died, and all we had was a crappy date." At first I was mad because he couldn't see that I absolutely could NOT control these tears.

But wow, then I realized that I was crying a lot less and I COULD control them if I wanted! It wasn't making him care about me more, it was just making him frustrated. I noticed that I started crying a lot less, and when I did cry it was usually for a good reason and he was really understanding. Sometimes I still have those moments where I cry simply because my hormones are off or I'm upset about something he doesn't understand. For those instances, we've struck a deal where he simply holds me and lets me cry until I feel better. That way he doesn't feel helpless for not being able to make me feel better, nor does he feel like he's enabling me to do this behavior more. It's worked wonders for us. I am in general a happier person and have learned to use words instead of tears to explain my feelings.

The reason I'm sharing this with you is because I want you to feel good about your decision.....enabling her to continue this behavior was not the answer, and maybe this is her first step towards realizing how ridiculous and unproductive this behavior is as I did. I hope this experience doesn't turn you off to dating for awhile, and that when you do find "the one" that you will sympathize with her when she does have those teary moments, provided they are justified.





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