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I figured I'd finally add my two cents in. I read all the posts and frankly was kinda ticked off. I can't believe all you women being against him. All he did was ask her to carry a frigging little jar of sauce. I mean the man had both hands full, he shouldn't have even had to asked, she should have had the decency to have asked if he need some help. I mean come on people, she cried over IT! She sounds like a teenager big time. She definitely has ALOT of growing up to do. I'm sorry your with someone that smashes her head off of a window and pulls her hair out because you were offended that she wouldn't do something as simple as carry a jar of sauce. She is way emotionally unstable and needs to be committed lol. If I was in his shoes and got no help I am POSITIVE I definitely would have a harsh tone too.

Good Luck with This One!
[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085]I always refuse plastic bags when I can, because they're not biodegradable. I can't imagine why someone with both hands free would need a plastic bag to hold a small jar, to walk a couple blocks to the car. When she had such an attitude about it, it just pissed me off so i grabbed it from her so that she could walk unfettered. .[/QUOTE]


If I may say, you have the right to feel any way you want to about plastic bags, but you really dont' have the right to insist that others do what you would do. I would say that if I were in your girlfriend's position, I would ask for a bag as well because they have handles and carrying a round slick glass bottle that can break and make a huge mess if dropped would be incredibly awkward. It wasn't unreasonable for her to want a bag to carry it in. I do feel it was, however, a bit unreasonable for you to refuse to "allow" her to have one. She was a bit immature in the way she handled it, though. I wouldn't have lagged behind and pouted. I would have simply told you if you insisted that it be carried alone instead of in a bag with handles, then you could be the one to carry it, and I would have went on my merry way.

[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085] For someone to weep just because they don't appreciate my tone ...it's either indecent, or it's emotional blackmail.

[/QUOTE]


I am, or can be, a rather emotionally driven person, depending on how tired I am, I tend to be a bit more weepy when I'm exhausted and sleep deprived, and depending on what else is going on in my life. I didn't cry very much with my ex boyfriend, until the relationship started going south. It was from frustration and loving him and not wanting the relationship to end, but not being able to work things out. In any case, I can assure you it was neither indecent nor emotional blackmail. I only got weepy in public once, when my back was absolutely killing me, had been all weekend, and I told him this more than once, but when we got back from church and his roommate had blocked his car in, and he wanted to go do his grocery shopping i drove him and went in with him. My back was still killing me, so I was leaning on the shopping cart and sort of dragging my feet because I couldn't stand up straight and move my legs without pain, and he got annoyed and snapped at me "would you quit scraping your feet, it's annoying me!!" I teared up there in the store aisle, not to emotionally black mail him, but because what he said to me was incredibly disrespectful and rude and insensitive. Crying as a means to emotional blackmail is when you really don't feel hurt or sad, but you are trying to manipulate the other person into apologizing, or bending to your will in some way. This was not why I teared up in the grocery store, by any means. I teared up because I was tired and in physical pain, and what he said was rude, cruel, insensitive and disrespectful and it felt like someone had kicked me in the chest. I got a pain in my chest and upper stomach area, my face flushed out of humiliation and anger, and the tears just came, it was a purely biological response, not manipulation in any way. But he took much the same attitude you have, but he really didn't have the right to. He was rude, even a bit cruel, given the fact that I couldn have, and actually should have, left his butt at the grocery store and let him find his own way home. I did him a favor by driving him and I didn't want to just sit there in the car being bored while he shopped, and there was no good reason for him to be so mean.

I suspect that perhaps some of your attitudes came from the way you were raised. You mentioned that your mother got in a huge argument with your father while she was recovering from cancer treatment. My ex boyfriend had a raging abuvise alcoholic for a father, and his mother endured a great deal of long suffering, but probably bore it all with nary a tear. I think men who can't deal with tears probably had cold, mean, verbally abusive fathers who treated their mothers in much the same way, and their mothers took it without crying, so they figure every woman should take rude, short, borderline abusive treatment without crying at all. But not every woman is build the same way. Some women would cry at what you said, some women would have just left you and never looked back, and I reckon some women would have cracked the bottle over your head. And perhaps some women would have just let it roll off their back like water to a duck. I think you need to find such a woman. You obviously have no patience for a woman who is sensitive and needs to be treated with a respectful, patient tone, and whose feelings are rather easily wounded. I do think your gf threw what definitely would qualify as a tantrum, and her behavior in the car was inappropriate, but "indecent" for being hurt at your insisting she carry the bottle the way YOU wanted her to instead of how she needed to? Mmmmm, that's kind of a stretch. You actually do kind of sound like my ex. Speaking to his woman in a rash, rude, sharp, disrespectful tone and just expecting her to take it without complaint or reaction. I'm guessing based on what you've told us, but I'm not sure that's such a realistic expectation. I do think you and your gf are ill suited for each other, but I also think that this can be a learning experience for you, that you simply cannot speak to people, any people, gf or no, any old way you please. Speaking to or dealing with someone in a rude, controlling, demeaning or disrespectful tone or manner will never garner positive results.
This has been one of the more interesting threads. I don't have terribly strong feelings either way but I think this is a combination of the two of them. The OP reminds me of my brother-rational and very black and white, but by no means an emotional robot. The girlfriend seems sensitive and a bit immature. Sadly I can relate to her over the top behavior, as I may have pulled something like that ten years ago or so-but NOT NOW! I'm 30 btw.

I hope you don't mind OP-I did a search on some of your old posts. I know, sometimes it squicks me out a bit when someone does that to me, but it gives you a good idea of what the OP is like. I see someone who really cares about his GF, but has a very different personality. I know guys who get annoyed at crying. I can see how you would view it as unnecessary, but some People can't really help it. Is this the girl who left her marriage while dating you? It may be that she feels like she gave up alot and went through alot and is afraid that if you are mad and leave, she did all of it for nothing. You also mentioned that you have left girls in the past for kind of petty reasons. I think you are at a crossroads right now. You are frustrated and kind of put off by your girlfriend's irrational behavior and are tired of the recent conflicts in your relationship. You are tempted to end it because it's all a bit much and you don't want to have constant drama.

Is she younger than you? I have a friend who split with his wife because she was 5 years younger and he could not relate to her behavior, at all. I think I feel for both of you. You are frustrated and now you worry that if you break up she will freak out so badly she might do something stupid. She is feeling your irriatation and probably feels like you have been emotionally cold and distant and her freak-outs are to get some sort of SOMETHING out of you-to see if you care. So here it is. I typed all of this and cant even give you a solution!:rolleyes:

I guess you need to ask yourself: is this an isolated incident or have you seen this coming for a while? If the relationship isn't working, then it isn't. If you don't have the feelings for her anymore then you know what to do. Maybe she needs a guy who is more emotional, maybe you need a girl who can tone it down a notch. Do keep us posted. I'm interested to see how things progress.
[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085] I always refuse plastic bags when I can, because they're not biodegradable. I can't imagine why someone with both hands free would need a plastic bag to hold a small jar, to walk a couple blocks to the car. When she had such an attitude about it, it just pissed me off so i grabbed it from her so that she could walk unfettered. [/QUOTE]

I feel the same way about environmental issues and wouldnt consider using a bag unless it was absolutely necessary, but it wouldnít even occur to me to tell my bf if and when he could use a bag - that's his choice.

[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085] As for the crying, I can understand that women tend to be more emotional and may shed a few tears when upset. But prolonged crying and sobbing over a minor grievance is just too much to handle. [/QUOTE]

Itís highly unlikely she was crying and sobbing simply because you opposed her getting a bag for the sauce; lets get real here.

[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085] I only recall a few instances when I've ever seen my mother cry--when my grandmother died, when my uncle died, when she had a major fight with my dad, and when she was recovering from cancer treatment. For someone to weep just because they don't appreciate my tone ...it's either indecent, or it's emotional blackmail. [/QUOTE]

What you've got to remember is that your gf is not your mother. You cant expect every woman you meet to behave as she does. Also, if a person is capable of turning on the waterworks deliberately and creating such a hysterical display simply in order to emotionally blackmail somebody, they may deserve scorn for it, but itís such a highly unusual talent, they also deserve an oscar.

Dont you think it's more likely that she was genuinely extremely upset? And dont you think it's likely there's a reason for it that goes beyond what you're seeing here?

[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085]I admit that I get irritated sometimes and then speak with a critical tone.[/QUOTE]

I have a feeling that "critical tone" you're talking about might have a lot more to do with this situation than a jar of pasta sauce.:rolleyes:





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