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I seem to get into these arguments with my girlfriend over ridiculous things. We were having a nice lunch at a restaurant and I bought a jar of home-made pasta sauce on the way out. I was holding my computer bag, gym stuff and an umbrella so I asked if she could hold the jar for me, since she only had her handbag. She wanted to go back in the restaurant for a plastic bag, but I said we didn't need the bag just for 1 jar. She kept complaining and started lagging behind me in proteest as we walked a couple blocks. I got irritated, snatched the jar back and said that I'd hold everything myself since it was too much to ask of her. For the rest of the day, she had a sulking, antisocial attitude towards me.

I was driving her home at night and said sarcastically that I really enjoyed the silent treatment all day. She said that my tone towards her was rude and I replied that her behavior was much ruder than my tone. She started crying, which she often does. I said that she should discuss what's on her mind instead of behaving this way. But she cried even harder (i would call it weeping) and I grew more irritated. I told her it was indecent to cry over a petty argument, as if some close relative had died. I don't know if crying is a tactic to seek comfort, but it just seems to spawn the opposite reaction in me. She was just so morose that finally I told her if she really thinks I treat her so poorly that she has to react this way, we should just end it now for her own sake. I don't want to be with someone who appears so unhappy with me.

Next, she went completely hysterical. She was sobbing and I was very irritated and tried to ignore her. But then she started screaming, pulling her hair and pounding her head and said that she didn't want to live. I screamed back that I was driving and that she was going to cause an accident. Finally, I had to pull over to restrain her. She seemed to have completely lost it and was sobbing uncontrollably. I've never seen someone break down like that. We just sat there for half an hour until she was calmer. Then she became very tender, held my arm and said that she loved me. Eventually, I took her home, told her to get some rest and said we'd talk tomorrow.

We've been together for a year, but now I'm starting to think that our personalities are mismatched. I just find sulking and gratuitous crying so unattractive in a woman and would like to be with someone who handles things more maturely. But now I really have to worrry about her emotional stability, given what happened last night. What should I do now?
Is this the first time that this has happened? If she does this all the time, then that is a problem. If it is an isolated occurence, then, it may be hormones ore something like that. You may be right that there is some underlying problem that she needs to talk about, but you would need to care what it is a bit more than you seem to before she will confide in you. I would be interested in hearing her version of events too. Yes, you were right, yes she shouldn't have been sulky, and I think you handled it badly to tell the truth. I got that you didn't care what her problem was, and I think it was clear to her as well. I agree with you, you need a tougher, less emotional GF as, like a lot of men, you can be a bit unfeeling
Wow, that's very immature reaction from her. All this over a jar of sauce, I'd hate to see what she'd be like if it was something actually serious. She definitely needs some medical help. Has she ever done anything like this in the past year? Is there possibly anything going on in her family that could have brought this out? How Old is she?
Yes, the pasta sauce thing was petty. The whole sulky attitude after the fact was very immature. Does she often react this way when you ask her to do something for you? Has she had melt downs like this for any other reason in the past?

I completely understand why you were annoyed. Logically you would think there is some underlying reason for her to act like that, but sometimes there isn't.

If this is a first I urge you to talk to her and see if there is something else going on. It could be that she is uneasy talking about something very sensitive and handled it badly. Or it could have been hormonal. An isolated incident wouldn't have me too worried (uless of course it started happening again over something so petty).

If this is something that happens all the time then I would definately question her stability. Is this the first time she said she "doesn't want to live" during an argument (very manipulative move by the way)? This could be her way of getting what she wants. Pouting like a child and making you feel sorry for her. Personally I wouldn't be able to put up with it either. I expect a certain level of maturity in relationships and it seems you do to. If this is a pattern then I think it would be best for you to find yourself a better match and let her find a man she can pout to.
She sounds like a psycho to me. I'd get away from her if I were you! :(
I would still like to hear HER version of what happened before and during. She just wanted a bag, HE is the one who madethe point of her carrying it. HE is the one who spoke sarcastically. Is this how he generally treats her?? Ignores her request for a bag, snatches the jar back, tells her she is sulking when she doesn't like him doing that, accuses her of being ruder than he was, and when she got upset at THIS, he tells her she is indecent to cry over this. Please.....!! When she continues to be even sadder at these comments, he threatens to leave her. Just my take on the story, and there are two (at least) versions. Open mind OP. think about it.
I agree with Seraph we only have his side to go by. One also has to consider she might have some underlying problem say a family issue or such.
If the original OP dislikes women crying then if you ever have kids you might want move out the day you find out your SO is pregnant. The reason I say that is pregnant women have little control over emotions and cry over far less than what your gf was crying over. Hormones can really mess with some women even when they arent pregnant.
If you are always treating her this way its no wonder she lost it the way she did. BUt we dont know because you posted your side.
I agree that we only have one side of the story. She wanted a bag for a jar of sauce. I'm guessing it wasn't a big jar and therefore didn't warrant a bag, but then I could be wrong. There are some women out there who don't believe they should have to carry anything (and remember his hands were full). Also, don't forget she said "I don't want to live" when all this was going on. Rational people don't usually spout this out during an argument. I think her side of the story would be a good addition but I don't think we will get it.

OP, it's really quite simple. If she acts like this all the time then it's bad news. If this was a one time deal then it's worth realizing that there could have been another factor that she didn't talk about.
[QUOTE=Seraph;3004463]I would still like to hear HER version of what happened before and during. She just wanted a bag, HE is the one who madethe point of her carrying it. HE is the one who spoke sarcastically. Is this how he generally treats her?? Ignores her request for a bag, snatches the jar back, tells her she is sulking when she doesn't like him doing that, accuses her of being ruder than he was, and when she got upset at THIS, he tells her she is indecent to cry over this. Please.....!! When she continues to be even sadder at these comments, he threatens to leave her. Just my take on the story, and there are two (at least) versions. Open mind OP. think about it.[/QUOTE]

I must admit I was thinking this way also..

The snatching the jar for instance, sounds a tad agressive, and maybe she justifyably wanted to put it into a bag, surely thats her choice if she is to carry it .

Maybe her bad reaction was as of result of a build up of tension between the two of you.

You sound to me that you were in quite a bad mood that day, and she reacted to that.

Just my opinion.
[QUOTE=brook65;3004549]I must admit I was thinking this way also..

The snatching the jar for instance, sounds a tad agressive, and maybe she justifyably wanted to put it into a bag, surely thats her choice if she is to carry it .

Maybe her bad reaction was as of result of a build up of tension between the two of you.

You sound to me that you were in quite a bad mood that day, and she reacted to that.

Just my opinion.[/QUOTE]

I share this opinion. Maybe there was a build up of all sorts of things and they all just manifested themselves in the form of a jar of pasta sauce, or rather the bag the OP would not allow her to procure for it.

OP; I'm just curious to know why you made a big deal out of her wanting a bag to carry the sauce in? Surely if she was carrying it, it was up to her whether or not she wanted a bag?
I'm in agreement with the others that crying in and of itself is not the problem, and you really need to lighten up on that because that's what women do. We cry when we get upset. Deal with it!

But the part that leads me to believe that she is a psycho is this part:

[quote]But then she started screaming, pulling her hair and pounding her head and said that she didn't want to live.[/quote]

Ok, on my worst day, when I've cried due to an argument with my boyfriend, I have NEVER done that before! Regardless of anything else, this is the part that is really psycho behavior and needs to be addressed.

And about the bag, when I read it, I interpreted it as her telling you to get a bag so that you could carry it. But the others here thought you meant that she wanted a bag for herself to carry it. I'd like some clarification on which it was - did she expect you to carry it along with everything else and THAT is why she told you to get a bag? Or did she say she wanted a bag so SHE could carry it and instead you got mad and said no she couldn't have a bag? Because that makes a difference to me in what the answer is that I would give you about it.
The post above pretty much covers it - I definitely think your gf's reaction (specifically the pulling hair/hitting head/I don't want to live) was borderline-FREAKY. Totally inappropriate. I agree that crying, and sometimes weeping, during an arguement on a particularly hormonal or stressful day is not uncommon for most women. Even when I'm angry my stupid eyes well up! I can't help it!

I think you were being pretty snippy and unsupportive the entire argument, and I know sometimes tears can definitely frustrate men in arguments as it's not their natural tendency when upset - and probably feels manipulative when really it can just be hard to avoid for most of us - I'd rather NOT cry, personally, but that doesn't always work out :\

Still... her reaction was over the top. You could probably use a few lessons on being patient and kind, and she could definitely use a little help with outbursts like that - totally uncalled for and as I said above - really just FREAKY :)
Is this the first time she's ever really freaked out like that?

I have to agree with some of the others, that maybe you're tone with her was condesending. So she wanted a plastic bag, what's the big deal?! The same can be said for her.. its a jar of sauce, you don't need a bag. Both sides are petty in this issue. Girls by nature are emotional people, we can't always control it. And we definitely will not open up about our problems if we feel it is being demanded, or that we'll be patronized for how we feel. Yes, if there is a problem she should come to you and talk about it... but yelling at her to tell you what's wrong will most certainly not put her in the mood for a deep and meaningful conversation.

Now... as for the banging of her head, taring at her hair and saying she doens't want to live.... either she's a total attention w***e or she has some deep emotional issues that she needs to work on... probably with a professional!

If she's acted this way before, then I have to ask why you have stayed with her. There's nothing wrong with wanting a strong and mature woman (and even they get emotional sometimes!). If you don't feel that that is your GF, then sounds like time to move on. If this behavior is new for your GF then there is probably something more serious going on, either not having to do with you at all, or maybe she's realizing too that you two are no longer compatible and doesn't know how to handle that.

One things for sure, if you want to find out what's wrong you will have to try to be more sensetive.
I think that you both totally overreacted and need to step back from this situation. I don't think you should be so condescending with her, and that's probably why she cries all the time. If you wouldn't be so mean to your gf then maybe she wouldn't be pulling out her hair and threatening to kill herself. I mean, really. There comes a point where you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself whether you may have caused this with your behavior. If you're unsupportive and mean to her when she is already crying, then no wonder she gets hysterical. She probably thinks you don't care about her or her feelings.

This isn't about a jar of pasta sauce, this is about you not being caring enough when she's upset to try to understand why she is so upset and trying to work it out before she gets to the point of being hysterical because you won't show her any sympathy or kindness.
I always refuse plastic bags when I can, because they're not biodegradable. I can't imagine why someone with both hands free would need a plastic bag to hold a small jar, to walk a couple blocks to the car. When she had such an attitude about it, it just pissed me off so i grabbed it from her so that she could walk unfettered.

As for the crying, I can understand that women tend to be more emotional and may shed a few tears when upset. But prolonged crying and sobbing over a minor grievance is just too much to handle. I only recall a few instances when I've ever seen my mother cry--when my grandmother died, when my uncle died, when she had a major fight with my dad, and when she was recovering from cancer treatment. For someone to weep just because they don't appreciate my tone ...it's either indecent, or it's emotional blackmail.

I admit that I get irritated sometimes and then speak with a critical tone. But I don't see why this has to be the focus of everyone's analysis, and not the inconsiderate and unreasonable behavior that drove me to be this way. And having a woman accompany me in public with the demeanor of a battered wife is not too pleasant either.

The crying routine happens quite often, but this was the first time she went completely hysterical, almost causing a traffic accident.
Let her go. You need a woman more like Mom. Unfortunately I think you will find that somebody with that much control over emotions is going to be quite rare. I don't hesitate to say that MOST women will become emotional/angry when disrespected and criticised. I also think that being told that your unhappiness is 'indecent' would be pretty much a slap in the face. Maybe she did go over the top, but being lectured, blamed and criticised for most of the trip home can do that to a person. Without meaning any offence, I feel that you are so uncomfortable with any display of emotion that it would be a disaster for you and this woman to stay together. PS. It was a huge benefit to men in the past that they could get away with branding their women "unstable" and have them sedated if they were disobedient or inconveniently emotional.
I don't think stability has anything to do with this. I feel she is immature. Just by looking at you carrying everything without free hands, there should have been a kind gesture on her part to help you out. Once, you became annoyed then she began the tears, once again immature. Although, I do want to say that if your gf is on the extremely shy side, since you spoke about her demeanor, than that would explain the tears. She was probably upset that you were so angry at her and didn't fight back because of her shyness. It doesn't seem that at any time did she try to fight back with you but turned the whole story about how she felt that she was not worthy of living. I would ask her why she made that comment, does she have low self esteem? or perhaps something else happened that day to make her feel bad and you were the icing on the cake.
Oh wow, were you by any chance born in August?
I agree if you cannot handle a woman crying, you definately dont want to marry a woman who is very sensitive... did you ever think that she may have been crying because you hurt her feelings??? Why do you think it is emotional blackmail? Anyhow, marry a woman like your mother if that is what you feel comfortable with.... although I am pretty sure you might have a tough time finding one that is similar because most women are criers. My husband also gets PO when I cry and thinks that I do it to make him look like the bad guy... so I have just learned not to cry infront of him.... women who cry just really want consoling from their partner, not because they are secretly trying to make thier partner look like the bad guy or emotinally blackmailing them. You seem EXTREMELY insensitive... honestly, if you had such an issue about plastic bags then you really should have toughed it out and carried the jar yourself... if you are going to have someone else carry your stuff then your rules and regulations do not apply to them and they are free to do what they deem fit inorder to carry out the task at hand... so your girlfriend had every right to get herself a plastic bag to carry the stuff in since she was the one who was going to be carrying it!
I figured I'd finally add my two cents in. I read all the posts and frankly was kinda ticked off. I can't believe all you women being against him. All he did was ask her to carry a frigging little jar of sauce. I mean the man had both hands full, he shouldn't have even had to asked, she should have had the decency to have asked if he need some help. I mean come on people, she cried over IT! She sounds like a teenager big time. She definitely has ALOT of growing up to do. I'm sorry your with someone that smashes her head off of a window and pulls her hair out because you were offended that she wouldn't do something as simple as carry a jar of sauce. She is way emotionally unstable and needs to be committed lol. If I was in his shoes and got no help I am POSITIVE I definitely would have a harsh tone too.

Good Luck with This One!
[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085]I always refuse plastic bags when I can, because they're not biodegradable. I can't imagine why someone with both hands free would need a plastic bag to hold a small jar, to walk a couple blocks to the car. When she had such an attitude about it, it just pissed me off so i grabbed it from her so that she could walk unfettered. .[/QUOTE]


If I may say, you have the right to feel any way you want to about plastic bags, but you really dont' have the right to insist that others do what you would do. I would say that if I were in your girlfriend's position, I would ask for a bag as well because they have handles and carrying a round slick glass bottle that can break and make a huge mess if dropped would be incredibly awkward. It wasn't unreasonable for her to want a bag to carry it in. I do feel it was, however, a bit unreasonable for you to refuse to "allow" her to have one. She was a bit immature in the way she handled it, though. I wouldn't have lagged behind and pouted. I would have simply told you if you insisted that it be carried alone instead of in a bag with handles, then you could be the one to carry it, and I would have went on my merry way.

[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085] For someone to weep just because they don't appreciate my tone ...it's either indecent, or it's emotional blackmail.

[/QUOTE]


I am, or can be, a rather emotionally driven person, depending on how tired I am, I tend to be a bit more weepy when I'm exhausted and sleep deprived, and depending on what else is going on in my life. I didn't cry very much with my ex boyfriend, until the relationship started going south. It was from frustration and loving him and not wanting the relationship to end, but not being able to work things out. In any case, I can assure you it was neither indecent nor emotional blackmail. I only got weepy in public once, when my back was absolutely killing me, had been all weekend, and I told him this more than once, but when we got back from church and his roommate had blocked his car in, and he wanted to go do his grocery shopping i drove him and went in with him. My back was still killing me, so I was leaning on the shopping cart and sort of dragging my feet because I couldn't stand up straight and move my legs without pain, and he got annoyed and snapped at me "would you quit scraping your feet, it's annoying me!!" I teared up there in the store aisle, not to emotionally black mail him, but because what he said to me was incredibly disrespectful and rude and insensitive. Crying as a means to emotional blackmail is when you really don't feel hurt or sad, but you are trying to manipulate the other person into apologizing, or bending to your will in some way. This was not why I teared up in the grocery store, by any means. I teared up because I was tired and in physical pain, and what he said was rude, cruel, insensitive and disrespectful and it felt like someone had kicked me in the chest. I got a pain in my chest and upper stomach area, my face flushed out of humiliation and anger, and the tears just came, it was a purely biological response, not manipulation in any way. But he took much the same attitude you have, but he really didn't have the right to. He was rude, even a bit cruel, given the fact that I couldn have, and actually should have, left his butt at the grocery store and let him find his own way home. I did him a favor by driving him and I didn't want to just sit there in the car being bored while he shopped, and there was no good reason for him to be so mean.

I suspect that perhaps some of your attitudes came from the way you were raised. You mentioned that your mother got in a huge argument with your father while she was recovering from cancer treatment. My ex boyfriend had a raging abuvise alcoholic for a father, and his mother endured a great deal of long suffering, but probably bore it all with nary a tear. I think men who can't deal with tears probably had cold, mean, verbally abusive fathers who treated their mothers in much the same way, and their mothers took it without crying, so they figure every woman should take rude, short, borderline abusive treatment without crying at all. But not every woman is build the same way. Some women would cry at what you said, some women would have just left you and never looked back, and I reckon some women would have cracked the bottle over your head. And perhaps some women would have just let it roll off their back like water to a duck. I think you need to find such a woman. You obviously have no patience for a woman who is sensitive and needs to be treated with a respectful, patient tone, and whose feelings are rather easily wounded. I do think your gf threw what definitely would qualify as a tantrum, and her behavior in the car was inappropriate, but "indecent" for being hurt at your insisting she carry the bottle the way YOU wanted her to instead of how she needed to? Mmmmm, that's kind of a stretch. You actually do kind of sound like my ex. Speaking to his woman in a rash, rude, sharp, disrespectful tone and just expecting her to take it without complaint or reaction. I'm guessing based on what you've told us, but I'm not sure that's such a realistic expectation. I do think you and your gf are ill suited for each other, but I also think that this can be a learning experience for you, that you simply cannot speak to people, any people, gf or no, any old way you please. Speaking to or dealing with someone in a rude, controlling, demeaning or disrespectful tone or manner will never garner positive results.
You women..... lol we must be on totally different wave length. If my boyfriend needed a hand carrying stuff he would NEVER have to ask me nor would I NEVER throw a fit because I didn't get a plastic bag because apparently I am so uncapable of holding one item in my hands for maybe 15 feet. The lagging behind and dragging her feet and pouting is pure immature whining. He had EVERY right to give her a little attitude, I AM POSITIVE should would have no problem giving him attitude if the roles were switched. She definitely was throwing a tantrum in the car and that is dangerous to the both of them and on coming traffic. Could you imagine how awful it would have been if they got into a car accident??? I would have pulled the car over and said if you're going to act like a 5 year old maybe you need to call yourself a cab. I understand that sometimes when rubbed the wrong way it is easy to cry. I do cry sometimes when I am in pain and in public, but if it's a problem I go wait in the car lol.
Have you talked to her about this situation and what her takes was on her fit??
Who in their right mind would act like that???
Well, maybe its not really about what was said but how it was said... when he wanted her to carry the jar without a bag, was he all snippity and harsh/annoyed and demanding with her about it or did he ASK her nicely if she could carry the jar without the bag ... I am pretty sure if it had been the latter she would not have been sulking the way she did. And it probably just escalated from there where her feelings had been hurt and him feeling resentful about women who cry to express their emotional hurt...
[QUOTE=TANKG!RL;3006306]You women..... lol we must be on totally different wave length. If my boyfriend needed a hand carrying stuff he would NEVER have to ask me nor would I NEVER throw a fit because I didn't get a plastic bag because apparently I am so uncapable of holding one item in my hands for maybe 15 feet. The lagging behind and dragging her feet and pouting is pure immature whining. He had EVERY right to give her a little attitude, I AM POSITIVE should would have no problem giving him attitude if the roles were switched. She definitely was throwing a tantrum in the car and that is dangerous to the both of them and on coming traffic. Could you imagine how awful it would have been if they got into a car accident??? I would have pulled the car over and said if you're going to act like a 5 year old maybe you need to call yourself a cab. I understand that sometimes when rubbed the wrong way it is easy to cry. I do cry sometimes when I am in pain and in public, but if it's a problem I go wait in the car lol.
Have you talked to her about this situation and what her takes was on her fit??
Who in their right mind would act like that???[/QUOTE]


There you go. The OP needs to be with a girl more like you, and his girlfriend, after she grows up and gets her head on a bit straighter, needs to be with a man who doesn't freak out at tears and doesn't mind a sensitive woman.
[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085]I always refuse plastic bags when I can, because they're not biodegradable. I can't imagine why someone with both hands free would need a plastic bag to hold a small jar, to walk a couple blocks to the car. When she had such an attitude about it, it just pissed me off so i grabbed it from her so that she could walk unfettered.

For someone to weep just because they don't appreciate my tone ...it's either indecent, or it's emotional blackmail.[/QUOTE]

Thats the thing - YOU always refuse to use plastic bags! Your girlfriend is NOT you and is allowed to have her own thoughts, choices and opinions. I personally wouldn't feel happy about holding a jar with homemade sauce in it without a bag around it, not because I'm as woose, but if it was leak over my new white dress, well as you know tomato sauce stains.

I don't think your girlfreind had any problem with helping you out, it was your attitude and treating her like a child that upset her.

I feel that she is probably a girl who doesn't fight back, and bites her lip. When you reacted by snatching the jar with agression, I think that is when her built up emotion came out in the way it did.

Crying as she did, is caused by being very hurt, not manipulation.

You have obvioulsy been brought up by a mother who lacks empathy, and perhaps a controlling mother with that.

You don't respect your girlfreind, so perhaps find someone who can stand up to you.
Nkfrisk, we women come in all types, just as you guys do. You've asked a really broad, open-ended question based on one single incident. You are getting -- and have gotten -- responses from all over the spectrum.

Based on this one narrow incident, the way you've described your side of it, yes, she sounds very unstable to me. I'm not going to wonder about what color dress she might have been wearing or what her feelings are on the environment.

You, however, need to wonder and think about those things, tho. Is she a "sensitive" person? I hate to use that term, because I like to think of myself as a very sensitive person, but I've never been one to cry -- unless we're talking about a death or quitting smoking. Anyway, is she one you feel you need to walk around on eggshells with -- outside of this incident, that is; one that needs constant affirmations from you? If so, you may want to let her go to find someone more in tune with her and find yourself a more confident woman, a woman who'd be more apt to dish out an equivilent "tone" to you and is just more compatible with you.

I mean, it's just really hard to isolate one incident and give an opinion. Look what you've been getting so far, you know? Lots of hypotheses, IMO, and "what if's."

If she's generally a tough chick, one who doesn't become overly emotional easily, then maybe you should give her a second chance and talk to her about what's bothering her. I'm saying if this one incident has you really scratching your head, going, "WTH? This isn't my girlfriend at all." Maybe something is bothering her she's been hesitant to tell you about (us tough chicks do that, since we never need anyone's help and can conquer all on our own ;))

Best of luck to you.
This has been one of the more interesting threads. I don't have terribly strong feelings either way but I think this is a combination of the two of them. The OP reminds me of my brother-rational and very black and white, but by no means an emotional robot. The girlfriend seems sensitive and a bit immature. Sadly I can relate to her over the top behavior, as I may have pulled something like that ten years ago or so-but NOT NOW! I'm 30 btw.

I hope you don't mind OP-I did a search on some of your old posts. I know, sometimes it squicks me out a bit when someone does that to me, but it gives you a good idea of what the OP is like. I see someone who really cares about his GF, but has a very different personality. I know guys who get annoyed at crying. I can see how you would view it as unnecessary, but some People can't really help it. Is this the girl who left her marriage while dating you? It may be that she feels like she gave up alot and went through alot and is afraid that if you are mad and leave, she did all of it for nothing. You also mentioned that you have left girls in the past for kind of petty reasons. I think you are at a crossroads right now. You are frustrated and kind of put off by your girlfriend's irrational behavior and are tired of the recent conflicts in your relationship. You are tempted to end it because it's all a bit much and you don't want to have constant drama.

Is she younger than you? I have a friend who split with his wife because she was 5 years younger and he could not relate to her behavior, at all. I think I feel for both of you. You are frustrated and now you worry that if you break up she will freak out so badly she might do something stupid. She is feeling your irriatation and probably feels like you have been emotionally cold and distant and her freak-outs are to get some sort of SOMETHING out of you-to see if you care. So here it is. I typed all of this and cant even give you a solution!:rolleyes:

I guess you need to ask yourself: is this an isolated incident or have you seen this coming for a while? If the relationship isn't working, then it isn't. If you don't have the feelings for her anymore then you know what to do. Maybe she needs a guy who is more emotional, maybe you need a girl who can tone it down a notch. Do keep us posted. I'm interested to see how things progress.
[QUOTE=soulster;3006283]honestly, if you had such an issue about plastic bags then you really should have toughed it out and carried the jar yourself... if you are going to have someone else carry your stuff then your rules and regulations do not apply to them and they are free to do what they deem fit inorder to carry out the task at hand... so your girlfriend had every right to get herself a plastic bag to carry the stuff in since she was the one who was going to be carrying it![/QUOTE]

You're right, that's why I took the jar back and carried it myself along with all the other things I was holding. My rule of not wasting a plastic bag just to carry a little jar for a couple minutes was deemed too strict and tyrannical. I didn't deny her the right to get a plastic bag, I just decided that it was better to do without her help.

I'm clearly a cold, unfeeling person to have taken my girlfriend to lunch, paid for the meal as I always do ... and then how heartless of me to get mildly annoyed that she wouldn't even carry a little jar of sauce without kicking up a fuss! (the sauce was to be used to make dinner, which she would share in the benefit of consuming). But my biggest sin was to grow annoyed after a day of silent-treatment and pouting. I should have given an outpouring of sympathy and apologized for being a stone-hearted lout.

But I can't help how I am! According to someone's amazingly accurate conjecture, my mother had no empathy and my father was aggressive and abusive ...so now I think it's normal for men to treat women in such manner (and for women to accept it without protest). And so the cycle of abuse continues. If my girlfriend continues to be difficult, I will try to have her medicated and stabilized.
[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3004080]I seem to get into these arguments with my girlfriend over ridiculous things. We were having a nice lunch at a restaurant and I bought a jar of home-made pasta sauce on the way out. I was holding my computer bag, gym stuff and an umbrella so I asked if she could hold the jar for me, since she only had her handbag. She wanted to go back in the restaurant for a plastic bag, but I said we didn't need the bag just for 1 jar. She kept complaining and started lagging behind me in proteest as we walked a couple blocks. I got irritated, snatched the jar back and said that I'd hold everything myself since it was too much to ask of her. For the rest of the day, she had a sulking, antisocial attitude towards me.

I was driving her home at night and said sarcastically that I really enjoyed the silent treatment all day. She said that my tone towards her was rude and I replied that her behavior was much ruder than my tone. She started crying, which she often does. I said that she should discuss what's on her mind instead of behaving this way. But she cried even harder (i would call it weeping) and I grew more irritated. I told her it was indecent to cry over a petty argument, as if some close relative had died. I don't know if crying is a tactic to seek comfort, but it just seems to spawn the opposite reaction in me. She was just so morose that finally I told her if she really thinks I treat her so poorly that she has to react this way, we should just end it now for her own sake. I don't want to be with someone who appears so unhappy with me.

Next, she went completely hysterical. She was sobbing and I was very irritated and tried to ignore her. But then she started screaming, pulling her hair and pounding her head and said that she didn't want to live. I screamed back that I was driving and that she was going to cause an accident. Finally, I had to pull over to restrain her. She seemed to have completely lost it and was sobbing uncontrollably. I've never seen someone break down like that. We just sat there for half an hour until she was calmer. Then she became very tender, held my arm and said that she loved me. Eventually, I took her home, told her to get some rest and said we'd talk tomorrow.

We've been together for a year, but now I'm starting to think that our personalities are mismatched. I just find sulking and gratuitous crying so unattractive in a woman and would like to be with someone who handles things more maturely. But now I really have to worrry about her emotional stability, given what happened last night. What should I do now?[/QUOTE]

I agree with you.I think your personalities are mismatched also.Now comes the hard part.How do you breakup with someone that is suicidal?:eek:
[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006675]You're right, that's why I took the jar back and carried it myself along with all the other things I was holding. My rule of not wasting a plastic bag just to carry a little jar for a couple minutes was deemed too strict and tyrannical. I didn't deny her the right to get a plastic bag, I just decided that it was better to do without her help.

I'm clearly a cold, unfeeling person to have taken my girlfriend to lunch, paid for the meal as I always do ... and then how heartless of me to get mildly annoyed that she wouldn't even carry a little jar of sauce without kicking up a fuss! (the sauce was to be used to make dinner, which she would share in the benefit of consuming). But my biggest sin was to grow annoyed after a day of silent-treatment and pouting. I should have given an outpouring of sympathy and apologized for being a stone-hearted lout.

But I can't help how I am! According to someone's amazingly accurate conjecture, my mother had no empathy and my father was aggressive and abusive ...so now I think it's normal for men to treat women in such manner (and for women to accept it without protest). And so the cycle of abuse continues. If my girlfriend continues to be difficult, I will try to have her medicated and stabilized.[/QUOTE]
you know, I dont think it really is anybodys fault here, you need something different from a woman than she is offering and vice versa.... I can probably venture to bet you probably were a little snippy, demanding and irritated with her for wanting to get a plastic bag... if you had asked her nicely, hon.. would you mind not using a plastic bag to carry the jar? I bet she would not have pouted and sulked the way she did and she would have carried the jar gladly... you treated her like a child so she in turn began acting like one... what did you expect?
You need a woman who shares the same beliefs you do and who is not very sensitive and emotional and she needs someone who can tend to her hurt feelings and console her when she so feels. Most of the women who have posted here thought your gf might have been just feeling hurt and you might have been a bit unfeeling/ careless in your tone and attitude ... so you can either make the decision of learning from this experience and changing to accomadate such women or find a woman with whom you would not have to change your ways with. There are plenty of women out there that would suit and mesh well with your personaltiy type, I just dont think your gf is one of them.
OP, don't get mad and stop reading replies-this is a good way to get lots of different perspectives. If you don't agree, move on. Really, I used to get mad at replies to my posts until I realized that seeing how others see YOU is a great tool! Hope you read my earlier response. I don't think you are a cold fish and I don't think she is just a weepy psychopath. Good luck with whatever happens. Either way, this is all going to be a learning experience for you, even if it kind of stinks at the moment. If you break up, you are one step closer to figuring out what you want and hopefully you will take the experience and use it to grow. If you don't then maybe you both will have learned valuable tools to help you get along and relate better. Either way something good can come out of these types of experiences. You just have to be open and go with it all. Keep us posted.
Haha wow that was some thick sarcasm, not that I blame you - it's gotta be hard getting this many posts that are pointing at you.

Either way, I still think you both did a few things wrong. If someone told me I couldn't get a bag if that's what I wanted, I would feel pretty annoyed, myself. I tend to get silent (albeit ANGRILY silent, not 'pouty') when something ticks me off if it's minor, because I won't feel like talking about it when I know it's going to pretty much go away in no time anyway.

Still, her tantrum was way out of left field. If nothing else, talk to her about THAT. Cause that is scary, and even if the tension was building all day, and she thought this was leading towards breaking up - well, she should've kept the freak out to herself. I've had some horrible weeping sessions where I just want to throw things - but I wait until I'm *alone*. Yikes!

On a side note, I saw my mother only cry once while growing up - however, I know she did so far more often. She kept it between herself and my stepdad, however. She wanted to be strong for us, and is typically a very cheerful person to begin with. So I can relate to that. I see her cry more now that we're adults - for varied reasons, though still not often. But I'm very close to her and know she's a very sensitive person. Granted, I also never once heard my stepfather raise his voice (or her to him) in disagreement, nor any heated arguments (they kept that between them too - I have some high expectations for respect in my relationships as a result!).

Anyway, likely doesn't mean as others may have guessed that your mother is stoic or super insensitive - she might just have kept it from her kids to keep up the strong-mom persona. I know mine did! :)
If she wanted to get a bag, then she should have turned right around and gotten a bag. Whining and complaining about having to carry a jar of sauce? The entire exchange sounds like something that took place between an insensitive father and his six year old daughter.
[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006675]You're right, that's why I took the jar back and carried it myself along with all the other things I was holding. My rule of not wasting a plastic bag just to carry a little jar for a couple minutes was deemed too strict and tyrannical. I didn't deny her the right to get a plastic bag, I just decided that it was better to do without her help. .[/QUOTE]

This is the hard part about getting adivce over the internet. None of us was there, we did not see the interaction and who got snarky first, who used wht tone, etc. But from your initial telling of the story, you asked her to carry the bottle, she had no problem with it until you INSISTED she carry it by hand rather than in a bag. i can only assume your tone even at that point was rather rude or at least short but I don't know, I wasn't there. She pouted, again, an immature response, no one here is letting her off the hook, but then you further escalated by snapping bag "oh, fine, I'll carry it myself!!" and, again I'm assuming, snatching it away from her in a short, demeaning manner. It usually takes two to escalate a situation or a disagreement to such a degree. Again, not letting her off the hook, not hammering you down, either, just suggesting you just take an objective look at your contribution to the situation.


[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006675]I'm clearly a cold, unfeeling person to have taken my girlfriend to lunch, paid for the meal as I always do ... and then how heartless of me to get mildly annoyed that she wouldn't even carry a little jar of sauce without kicking up a fuss! (the sauce was to be used to make dinner, which she would share in the benefit of consuming). But my biggest sin was to grow annoyed after a day of silent-treatment and pouting. I should have given an outpouring of sympathy and apologized for being a stone-hearted lout. .[/QUOTE]


This sort of suggests to me that you think you did absolutely nothing wrong. And even just in writing, I sense a definite attitude, which I surely would not want to be on the receiving end of in person. But maybe you're right, again, I don't know for sure, I wasn't there, but if you think you did absolutely nothing at all wrong, then why are you with someone so difficult to get along with? But to add, as a woman, I can tell you that buying meals and making meals are all well and good, but it DOESN'T make up for treating somene with disrespect. It doesn't matter how much money you spend or how many meals you cook for her, if you then turn around and treat her with respect or chastise her and speak to her like she's a five year old, then all the money you spent and all that is kind of moot. Above anything else, a woman wants to feel loved, respected, cherished, admired and valued by her SO. Without that, you got nothing. Everything else is gravy.

[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006675]But I can't help how I am! .[/QUOTE]

Well, actually I think you could if you really wanted to. Just out of curiousity, is this your first very serious relationship? I dont' recall you saying how old the both of you are, is she much younger than you? Is this the first time a woman has had a bad, negative or weepy reaction to the way you have spoken to or treated her?


[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006675] According to someone's amazingly accurate conjecture, my mother had no empathy and my father was aggressive and abusive ...so now I think it's normal for men to treat women in such manner (and for women to accept it without protest). And so the cycle of abuse continues. If my girlfriend continues to be difficult, I will try to have her medicated and stabilized.[/QUOTE]


Well, that was me, and I can't tell if you were being serious or sarcastic here, if you were serious, I'm sorry you went through that. I actually don't think I said I was sure you actually went through that. I just said my ex had, and he exhibited bahaviors similar to the one you yourself described of yourself, and I knew why my ex acted the way he did. I was just speculating as to why you may have acted the same way.

If your girlfriendcontinues to be difficult, you can SUGGEST she see a doctor and get a diagnosis. If a trained professional determines she has bi polar disorder, anxiety, or some other kind of personality disorder and suggests medication, she can decide whether to take it or not, and you can decide if you want to stay with her if she chooses not to. But to hold a gun to her head and say "get to a doctor and take medication or I'm leaving you!" is rather unfair, and yes, sorry to say, rather controlling. You're her boyfriend not her dad. you don't have the right to insist or make that decision for her to get on medication. You can let her know you're worried about her, concerned for her health and well being, and concerned about the fight and that you don't want to go through that again, especially what happened in the car, that was very dangerous for both of you, and that you feel perhaps she may need some help in getting her emotions under better control, but then she has the right to choose not to. The only thing you have the right to decide is whether or not to stay with her and keep the relationship as she/it is.
Just wanted to add that he never said he was going to be doing the cooking for the dinner that was going to parktake of the sauce they bought... just that they were going to use the sauce in the dinner they were making for that particular night, which leads me to believe she was probably the one doing the cooking, haha.
okay i'm putting my two cents in.....
I have read all of the posts and agree with the girls who are on his side not opposing him.
First off he asked her to carry it, who cares if it had a bag or not, she shouldn't even have to question him for a bag she should just carry the jar and not be such a baby about it i mean how hard is it carry a little jar while he is carrying everything else???
He probably got a tone with her what man doesn't? when he notices that she doesn't want to carry it!

Also in response to the man who started this post, you need to break up with her asap, b/c you have already stated that she cries alot over little situations
there is alot of things that come into play with that situation, it may be hormones, but it could be a attention thing, was she spoiled alot growing up? the only reason why i ask that is b/c my boyfriend's ex girlfriend cried over every little thing( i know the girl personally) and it was for her to get some kind of attention, he put up with that for 2 years, and now b/c she was like that everytime i cry he automatically goes back to thinking that i am going to be like her.... she needs serious help fast or you won't make it you will end up hating her
Oh my gosh...if my husband expected me to carry some huge jar of pasta sauce...I'd be mad too!:rolleyes: If I was a six year old spoiled rotten brat!:dizzy: Your gf has some major spoiled brat issues and I doubt that would ever change. These are the things that you need to realize are happening in this relationship and not try and ignore them. I can see it now...you get married and you have a couple kids and she stays home all day with the kids and after you work a 10 hour work day 6 days a week, she expects you to DO YOUR PART with the kids because she's had them all day and it's your turn NOW...HAHAHA! You can't even imagine how many marriages I've seen break up over just this behavior!!!!! You need to move on from this one!
[QUOTE=ILYF;3007868]Oh my gosh...if my husband expected me to carry some huge jar of pasta sauce...I'd be mad too!:rolleyes: If I was a six year old spoiled rotten brat!:dizzy: Your gf has some major spoiled brat issues and I doubt that would ever change. These are the things that you need to realize are happening in this relationship and not try and ignore them. I can see it now...you get married and you have a couple kids and she stays home all day with the kids and after you work a 10 hour work day 6 days a week, she expects you to DO YOUR PART with the kids because she's had them all day and it's your turn NOW...HAHAHA! You can't even imagine how many marriages I've seen break up over just this behavior!!!!! You need to move on from this one![/QUOTE]


So when two people have kids, the man comes home after working for 10 hours, sits down and then expects his wife to now also look after him, aswell as carry on looking after their kids and running the home 24/7.

Looking after kids is working, and it is a 24 hour shift.

Is that supposed to be fair? I think not

Anyway there was nothing to suggest that the OP would treat his wife in that way anyhow.:confused:
Treat his wife that way? I don't understand what you mean...I'm talking about the wife expecting the man to do everything...work all the time and come home and work at home too. No taking care of kids isn't an easy job but it is a job that many women choose rather than working outside the home. I certainly wouldn't expect my husband to work all the time and come home and do my job when he gets home too. I'm not saying to sit on the couch and watch TV the whole time they are home either though:rolleyes: My point is that she can't even carry a freakin' bottle of pasta sauce...what's next in the relationship? It's just a scenario of what's to come with this spoiled brat woman!!!!!

Oh and is your GF unstable? Absolutely...who in their right mind screams and hollers and pulls their hair out over something so silly? Her freak out is what you'd more expect if you found out someone was having an affair.
Thats right, I also wouldn't expect any husband to come home after working, and then look after the kids entirely on his own. But, yes he should do 'his part' of looking after the kids, and that is to share the responsibility with his wife when he gets in from work. Otherwise I don't think it is fair.

Anyhow, this is getting off topic, the point of the pasta, is not so much that she can't carry a jar of pasta, or even didn't want to, it was more about the fact that he didn't want her to fetch a bag for it, cause HE didn't feel it necessary.

In my opinion that is where the problem started.
No, the problem started when he had his hands full upon leaving the restaurant and she was inconsiderate not offer help. Once she had the jar she continued to complain and lagged behind, obviously whining about the bag, very annoying over a stupid jar of sauce. If I was him I would have thrown the jar out, it was the problem. What will happen if the Christmas tree falls on top of him does he need to say, "Hey, Honey would you mind lifting the tree off me"LOL, not noticing that your SO needs your assistance is a problem, although minor in regards to the jar, but significant in the type of person she is. His attitude towards her in a whole other subject and her reaction scary. Whoever said it is like a father/daughter relationship I agree. She needs a softer man or the situation may become abusive for both, who knows what she is capable of doing if pushed to the edge.
Like I said, - in my opinion thats where the problem started
[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085] I always refuse plastic bags when I can, because they're not biodegradable. I can't imagine why someone with both hands free would need a plastic bag to hold a small jar, to walk a couple blocks to the car. When she had such an attitude about it, it just pissed me off so i grabbed it from her so that she could walk unfettered. [/QUOTE]

I feel the same way about environmental issues and wouldnt consider using a bag unless it was absolutely necessary, but it wouldnít even occur to me to tell my bf if and when he could use a bag - that's his choice.

[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085] As for the crying, I can understand that women tend to be more emotional and may shed a few tears when upset. But prolonged crying and sobbing over a minor grievance is just too much to handle. [/QUOTE]

Itís highly unlikely she was crying and sobbing simply because you opposed her getting a bag for the sauce; lets get real here.

[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085] I only recall a few instances when I've ever seen my mother cry--when my grandmother died, when my uncle died, when she had a major fight with my dad, and when she was recovering from cancer treatment. For someone to weep just because they don't appreciate my tone ...it's either indecent, or it's emotional blackmail. [/QUOTE]

What you've got to remember is that your gf is not your mother. You cant expect every woman you meet to behave as she does. Also, if a person is capable of turning on the waterworks deliberately and creating such a hysterical display simply in order to emotionally blackmail somebody, they may deserve scorn for it, but itís such a highly unusual talent, they also deserve an oscar.

Dont you think it's more likely that she was genuinely extremely upset? And dont you think it's likely there's a reason for it that goes beyond what you're seeing here?

[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006085]I admit that I get irritated sometimes and then speak with a critical tone.[/QUOTE]

I have a feeling that "critical tone" you're talking about might have a lot more to do with this situation than a jar of pasta sauce.:rolleyes:
Wow. Almost 50 responses over a jar of sauce -- not to mention the initial pouting, silent treatment, pulling of the hair, suicidal threats -- am I missing anything?

I'm not trying to make light of your situation, OP; I'm really not. But if you're in an otherwise healthy relationship, a snipity convo after a meal should NOT result in something like this, i.e., what I mentioned above, you turning to the internet over this, 50 responses from said internet. That right there must tell you something, you know? If this is what happens over a jar of sauce after a meal -- and I agree we ALL have our off days -- can you imagine when you have something major serious hit your relationship?

I'm also curious how you're doing and how things went after all of this with the GF.

I can't help but notice how delicate society has become after reading these responses. I have great respect for everyone who's posted -- I always look forward to and enjoy reading their posts on a number of topics -- but, geezalou. Is it really wrong to tell someone what to do anymore? I mean, yes, there is a line that can be crossed when it happens too much or if it's done in a nasty way, but DH sucks at cleaning the house. I love him more than life, and I can say this. I have to tell him what to do, or I'll have to do it over. Sad, but true. Even yesterday, he starts by cleaning all the floors. I have to tell him, "No, sweetie. Top to bottom, unless you want to clean the floors again. Start with the pictures, windows, move down to couches & tables, then end with the floors."

And I expect the same from him when I help him with the yard and garage, "Tell me what to do." And if using certain tones will help get his point across, by golly, do it.

DH & I have had so many similar instances after dinners out at restaurants. We're full, we're ready to go and get out of the place. If we're all going to assume OP forcefully made the choice for her about the bag because of the way he saw his mother and father interact, how about this assumption: He saw a quicker, easier, simpler remedy for the situation and voiced it? The GF, for whatever reason -- unstable, brat, hormonal, immature, needy, "sensitive," wearing a white dress -- took it the wrong way?

There are some folks in this world who interpret everything as a "conflict." The GF might be one of them.
To NKFRISK,
What has happened since your first post? If your both unhappy with the relationship then you need to discuss these issues, you will have ups and downs. I read once, that once the down times get more than the up times that's when you need to re-evaluate your relationship, especially if you are both considering marriage. You seem like the type of guy that wants to talk everything out as it happens, she seems to be a bit like me, I shut down, rethink everything that's happened and then come back when I'm calmer to discuss it. My way sometimes does not work because by then it's blown over and never dealt with. I am changing to deal with the situation immediately and not do the silent treatment. I don't use the silent treatment as a tool towards the other person, I just need my time to calm down, especially if I'm hurt. Sometimes we think you should know us well enough to read our minds, and that's a big mistake because we are assuming you get us, and you don't!
I assume by now they have ate their pasta and sauce and are making up and laughing about this whole ordeal.:)
okay this is has become ridiculous. i got halfway through reading these posts and it was just annoying. i can see from your side, and i can see from hers. i agree that the whole pounding her head and pulling her hair and wanting to kill herself.. is infact unstable. i think you are being closed-minded when it comes to the freakin sauce jar. she wanted a bag, big deal. you dont like bags, so okay YOU carry it without the bag and dont be snatch it from her. everybody does their own thing, their own way. you want her to carry it, then she should have been able to have a stupid bag. sometimes people freak over little things, and its not only the females. yes we cry more blah blah blah.
you say that your mom has only cried a few times in her life, well thats all that you know. your mom could have been crying in her room, i mean... why would a mother let her son see her when shes weak? shes suppose to be strong. thats silly to compare how much your mother cries, to your girlfriend. doesnt even make sense.. i dont want to even think about how obsurd that is.

[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3006675]If my girlfriend continues to be difficult, I will try to have her medicated and stabilized.[/QUOTE]

this quote bothered me. dont medicate her shes not your experiment. if you cant handle her behavior FIND SOMEBODY ELSE. geez.


im not going to bash anybody here. seems like there has been enough of that. i think you two have a serious communication issue. if you dont want to communicate with her, then find yourself a girl that just doesnt care. treat somebody how you want to be treated. put yourself in HER SHOES and try to feel what she felt. that sounds lame but seriously.. theres no other way to understand and not be so cold about comforting her.
this is a 50/50 and the petty arguement is evenly both of yalls fault.
[QUOTE=destroyedbliss;3008554] ...the petty arguement is evenly both of yalls fault.[/QUOTE]

I know it dosent add anything for benefit of the OP, but I couldnt help mentioning that I love that whole Texan "yalls" thing! :D
Well ...I don't deny that the initial dispute over how to transport the jar of sauce was petty. I feel strongly about issues like recycling, not wasting plastic bags, not wasting electricity, etc. I don't see it as a matter of my preferences versus someone else's preferences, but as a matter
of civic duty and quotidian ethics. So I got irritated and grabbed the jar back from her. It was a small jar. It was tightly sealed. It was a short walk to the car and she was not wearing a white dress at the time. Maybe it was a bit rude of me, but she had also been rude and I would have preferred to forget the episode if she hadn't chosen to give me the silent treatment all day and project a sorrowful demeanor.

But anyway, the more alarming development was the violent blow-up in the car and the suicidal statement that came with it. We've gone through these tiffs before, but this was the first time she had started hitting herself and saying that she didn't want to live.

Now for the follow-up. The next day we exchanged a few messages to see what the other was up to. In the afternoon, she called and said that she'd bought two concert tickets for that evening and asked if I'd go with
her. We did and it was a proper date. Things went back to normal for a week, but now another episode over something stupid.

We had agreed to go to the gym together yesterday. In the morning, she called and said that she wanted to take an aerobics class at noon and I said that I needed to work on something at home and planned to go to another
branch either in the afternoon or evening. She said that she could go with me there. I asked why she would want to go to the gym, and then meet me at another gym and suggested that she skip the aerobics class today. But she really wanted to take it.

So she called me at 1pm, said that her class had ended and asked what I was doing. I was still working on something at home. She said she'd do some exercise. She called again at 2pm and asked what I was doing. I was still at home, working on something. She got irritated and said that she was going home. The rest of the day, we squabbled by SMS. She said that I was inconsiderate to lounge around at home while she was waiting
to meet me. What?? I'd made it clear that I wasn't going to the gym until later. She said that she was clearly hanging around waiting for me, and it would have been obvious if I cared more about her. -- If she wanted me
to meet her at a specific time, she could have just asked directly instead of expecting me to follow clues. And couldn't she find a way to kill time without having me drop what I'm doing to meet her?

By evening I had gone to the gym on my own, had some dinner at a food court. Then she saw fit to call me and asked if we should meet ..."do you want to meet?", "- do you want to meet?," "fine, let's meet."
She came to meet me at Starbucks bearing a frosty expression. Not a word to say. I asked if she'd had any dinner and she said that she hadn't. I asked if she wanted to get some food and she said that she didn't. She started reading a magazine. I stared at her until she looked up, and then she stared back at me with a hurt expression. I kept staring, just to see what would happen. Her eyes started welling up with tears. I asked what was wrong
and she went silent. We left and she had a dazed, unhappy look. Standing on the street, I asked if she wanted to get some dinner. She shook her head. I asked if she wanted to go home. She shook her head. I asked if she wanted to come over. She shook her head.

Then she started crying again and I kept asking what was wrong. Was she mad at me? Did something happen? Was she feeling ill? Finally, she just said that she felt empty. She got agitated and then muttered "i'm going to die". To be honest, I was feeling really irritated and started thinking that it's unbearable being with someone who goes into these morose, catatonic
states. But I tried to be comforting and convinced her to go home and sleep. I can't tell if she is genuinely depressed, or just being incredibly immature. I've gone through depression and it was persistent and unrelenting. The few times I've seen her become this way, it's been after a petty argument between us. At other times she seems quite cheerful. The more she behaves this way, the more I'm turned off. But how do you break up with someone who is really depressed, if in fact she is depressed? She really has no other friends and her parents live overseas. Not long ago I was thinking that she might be the one. Now I'm wondering how I got into this mess.
Nfrisk

Although I could see her side with the pasta incident. This particular situation with the gym etc is a bit daft on her part.

You had already stated to her prior to the aerobics class that you were busy doing something at home, so she should of respected that, and found something else to do for the short while. That is childish I have to agree with you there.



Listen do you think you two are actually compatible? I don't wish to be rude, it just seems that shes maybe not the girl for you., I think maybe reading further your better best out of it.:)
i know this is a far reach...but could she be ill..like with some sort of terminal illness? maybe she found out she had cancer or something and doesn't want to tell you or anyone else. then again she might be bi-polar..:confused:
Yeah, I get the feeling she wants someone who will constantly smother her with affection and constantly want to be with her just as she wants to be with that person... and she probably is not finding it in you and this realization is probably just hitting her now so hence the depressed defeated attitude .... you mentioned she gave up her marriage to be with you, maybe that is adding to her depression as you turned out not to be what she expected and now she feels she lost out not only of a marriage but of a potential boyfriend. It really doesnt seem as though you two are compatible, you seem very pragmatic, responsible and everything by the book sort of type where as she seems needy, affectionate and extremely sensitive. You dont fit into what she needs and vice versa. I think it is best to break it off right now. I find it odd that she doesnt have any friends or family? how old are you two if I may ask?
Ok.. I definitely think it's safe to assume that her "I'm going to/want to die" comments are way beyond being an emotional female. It's one thing to tear up with hurt and frustration... but saying that she feels empty and wants to die are on total ends of the spectrum.

Maybe she's bipolar. Maybe she really is depressed. Although, I don't really thats the case. I've been depressed myself, I've been so low that I've contemplated suicide.. and it's definitely not something that I shared with people. It was my own private hell! I didn't use it as a defense mechanism during an argument. I've known a girl or two who have said "I'll kill myself if you ever break up with me." Horrible horrible horrible way to guilt/scare someone into staying with you.

I'm sure this whole ordeal is a combination of things, but mainly it just seems that your personalities are clashing. If she really does have some depression and emotional issues, then she needs to seek help.

If you really want to end things with her I think the best way to approach this is by sitting down with her and telling that you're concerned with her suicidal comments, and that you want her to talk to someone about why she feels that way. Tell her that you're willing to support and help her, but only if she starts taking action and starts getting help for herself.

Bottom line- if she's not happy with herself, then she'll never be happy with anyone.
[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3011770]Well ...I don't deny that the initial dispute over how to transport the jar of sauce was petty. I feel strongly about issues like recycling, not wasting plastic bags, not wasting electricity, etc. I don't see it as a matter of my preferences versus someone else's preferences, but as a matter of civic duty and quotidian ethics. So I got irritated and grabbed the jar back from her. It was a small jar. It was tightly sealed. It was a short walk to the car and she was not wearing a white dress at the time. Maybe it was a bit rude of me, but she had also been rude and I would have preferred to forget the episode if she hadn't chosen to give me the silent treatment all day and project a sorrowful demeanor.[/QUOTE]

I feel very strongly about the whole recycling thing too. It drives me crazy that people would rather use plastic bags at the grocery store than get a paper bag that you can put more in [I]and[/I] recycle when you are done. Our society has become very wasteful. I'm not going to dispute whether or not your snatching it back was justified or not. Litte things like this do happen in the heat of the moment sometimes and it is very unfair that you are taking all the blows and she is getting all this sympathy (not to mention if the situation were reversed and the woman did what you did we would [I]all[/I] be calling this man unstable). Her pouting and acting like a spoiled brat was absolutely ridiculous! Most of us have stupid and petty arguments with our SOs, but most of us do not explode into this suicidal monster over these petty things even on our worst PMS days. I'm sorry, but unstable doesn't even begin to describe her.

[QUOTE=nkfrisk]Then she started crying again and I kept asking what was wrong. Was she mad at me? Did something happen? Was she feeling ill? Finally, she just said that she felt empty. She got agitated and then muttered "i'm going to die". To be honest, I was feeling really irritated and started thinking that it's unbearable being with someone who goes into these morose, catatonic states. But I tried to be comforting and convinced her to go home and sleep. I can't tell if she is genuinely depressed, or just being incredibly immature. I've gone through depression and it was persistent and unrelenting. The few times I've seen her become this way, it's been after a petty argument between us. At other times she seems quite cheerful. The more she behaves this way, the more I'm turned off. But how do you break up with someone who is really depressed, if in fact she is depressed? She really has no other friends and her parents live overseas. Not long ago I was thinking that she might be the one. Now I'm wondering how I got into this mess.[/QUOTE]

So you even took some advice and tried to be sympathetic and where did it get you? Nowhere because she has some issues! Maybe she is depressed, who knows. It is not your responsibility to be there at her beck and call. I would be pretty annoyed to if I told someone that I had work to do and I was going to the gym later only to have them call every hour and expect me to stop what I was doing to do what they wanted. It's pathetic. You can't be her everything and it unfair for her to expect you to be. She needs to find what makes her happy and not expect you to do it for her.

You thought she was the one because she was on her good behavior. Now she has let her guard down and shown you who she is, a whiny brat. I think you should find yourself a stronger woman and let her find herself a man who will be at her beck and call or some therapy.
Sorry to revive this old thread, but I just wanted to post something now that it really seems over between us. Since my last post, we had been together again for a while, with things fairly normal. Yesterday evening, I had arranged to meet a refugee I know through a charity for a coffee at Starbucks. When my (ex) gf called to see what I was doing, I suggested that she come and join us, but she said she'd meet me later instead. I was chatting with this guy, probably for two and a half hours because he was talking about his situation and problems. I called my gf when we finished at 9:30, she said it was too late to go for dinner and she'd bring some food over to my place.

So she came over and I told her all about the conversation I'd had, which I found quite interesting. When I finished talking, all she said in response was that she couldn't believe that I had let her wait for so long without so much as a call or message. She had been sitting around at home, hungry and waiting for me. I couldn't believe I was being criticised again and asked why on earth SHE didn't call me or send me a message, if anything it would have given me an excuse to end the meeting sooner. And in fact I had asked her to join us in the first place.

She said it was a sign of how little I cared about her and she now realized that "this is the type of person" I am. Another alleged sign of how little I care about her is that I always walk ahead of her in public. I couldn't believe how idiotic this was. I am 6'6, she is 5'4 and always walks at a snail's pace in high-heeled shoes. I cannot possibly move any slower than I already do. At this point, i remarked that she had spoiled another evening and wondered why she had come over if she was so mad at me.

What followed was another hysterical breakdown. She was screaming, crying, throwing things, hitting herself. The whole building must have heard. In the heat of things, I said that I was done with this relationship and she had better get some therapy. After a while, she wanted to leave but I insisted that she calm down and spend the night, and I would stay in the other room. I fell asleep and woke up to find her gone, having taken all her things with her.

Now I feel queasy about the wasted year behind me. I've never spent so much of my time with someone, taken them so seriously, wanted only the best for them. Maybe I was a bit inconsiderate or self-absorbed at times, but I don't know how I ever wronged her to deserve the type of reaction that I got. She was also very sweet to me most of the time. Just a couple days ago, she surprised me with a holiday booking for my birthday next weekend.
I guess that's not going to happen now. I can't believe it ended over a plastic bag argument and because I spent too much time at Starbucks.
Sorry to revive this old thread, but I just wanted to post something now that it really seems over between us. Since my last post, we had been together again for a while, with things fairly normal. Yesterday evening, I had arranged to meet a refugee I know through a charity for a coffee at Starbucks. When my (ex) gf called to see what I was doing, I suggested that she come and join us, but she said she'd meet me later instead. I was chatting with this guy, probably for two and a half hours because he was talking about his situation and problems. I called my gf when we finished at 9:30, she said it was too late to go for dinner and she'd bring some food over to my place.

So she came over and I told her all about the conversation I'd had, which I found quite interesting. When I finished talking, all she said in response was that she couldn't believe that I had let her wait for so long without so much as a call or message. She had been sitting around at home, hungry and waiting for me. I couldn't believe I was being criticised again and asked why on earth SHE didn't call me or send me a message, if anything it would have given me an excuse to end the meeting sooner. And in fact I had asked her to join us in the first place.

She said it was a sign of how little I cared about her and she now realized that "this is the type of person" I am. Another alleged sign of how little I care about her is that I always walk ahead of her in public. I couldn't believe how idiotic this was. I am 6'6, she is 5'4 and always walks at a snail's pace in high-heeled shoes. I cannot possibly move any slower than I already do. At this point, i remarked that she had spoiled another evening and wondered why she had come over if she was so mad at me.

What followed was another hysterical breakdown. She was screaming, crying, throwing things, hitting herself. The whole building must have heard. In the heat of things, I said that I was done with this relationship and she had better get some therapy. After a while, she wanted to leave but I insisted that she calm down and spend the night, and I would stay in the other room. I fell asleep and woke up to find her gone, having taken all her things with her.

Now I feel queasy about the wasted year behind me. I've never spent so much of my time with someone, taken them so seriously, wanted only the best for them. Maybe I was a bit inconsiderate or self-absorbed at times, but I don't know how I ever wronged her to deserve the type of reaction that I got. She was also very sweet to me most of the time. Just a couple days ago, she surprised me with a holiday booking for my birthday next weekend.
I guess that's not going to happen now. I can't believe it ended over a plastic bag argument, because I walk too fast and because I spent too much time at Starbucks.
These aren't big issues for someone that's rational to go crazy over. These are dumb things that get under someone's skin and they get in a little spat over and 10 minutes later everything is settled and they are on to something else. The problem isn't that she get aggravated or mad...the problem is that she went nuts and freaked out and got hysterical over something so small! I get angry when my husband doesn't let me know what's going on and have to sit and sit and sit and wait for him and I'm starving but I don't lose my everlovin' mind over it!:dizzy: She sounds like she's a spoiled brat that has always gotten her way by throwing tantrums with her parents..it's doubtful she's going to change.
I'm glad you were able to get out of this relationship. Dating is supposed to be fun.....this kind of high-stress, Lifetime-movie drama is not something you need to deal with on an everyday basis.

That being said, it sounds like this woman really does have some sort of deep-seeded issues. Either she has learned over the years that her tears and suicide threats get results from men, OR she honestly has a mental illness. If you're still on speaking terms, you might want to suggest that she see a therapist. This behavior is going to sabatoge a lot of her future relationships.

I have always been a crier. My mom is the same way....we cry at movies, touching moments (weddings, showers, seeing a baby, etc.), and I have grown up soooo embarassed by my lack of ability to control my emotions. I remember crying when I failed tests in school, crying when a teacher yelled at me, crying when kids would tease me for crying, etc. etc.

This translated into my relationship with guys.....I would cry when I wasn't getting enough attention from my boyfriend, I would cry when we weren't connecting the way I wanted, I would cry when he would show up late for our dates. When I started dating my husband a few years later (we've been together for 8 years now), I fell into this same pattern, but he did me a HUGE favor by calling me out on it. I remember him saying "I didn't cry this hard when my Grandfather died, and all we had was a crappy date." At first I was mad because he couldn't see that I absolutely could NOT control these tears.

But wow, then I realized that I was crying a lot less and I COULD control them if I wanted! It wasn't making him care about me more, it was just making him frustrated. I noticed that I started crying a lot less, and when I did cry it was usually for a good reason and he was really understanding. Sometimes I still have those moments where I cry simply because my hormones are off or I'm upset about something he doesn't understand. For those instances, we've struck a deal where he simply holds me and lets me cry until I feel better. That way he doesn't feel helpless for not being able to make me feel better, nor does he feel like he's enabling me to do this behavior more. It's worked wonders for us. I am in general a happier person and have learned to use words instead of tears to explain my feelings.

The reason I'm sharing this with you is because I want you to feel good about your decision.....enabling her to continue this behavior was not the answer, and maybe this is her first step towards realizing how ridiculous and unproductive this behavior is as I did. I hope this experience doesn't turn you off to dating for awhile, and that when you do find "the one" that you will sympathize with her when she does have those teary moments, provided they are justified.
I just wanted to say that when you said for her to not take the bag that she could have said no as well and just gotten one and did what she wanted. Instead she was childish and pouted which would have set me off as well.

What I have to say has nothing to do with your ex...but i have to say it anyway.. Growing up thinking that your mother was a rock and dad was strong yet abusive is NOT normal and you DO NOT have to continue the cycle. If you have issues of anger and have a short fuse then you need to control it or learn how to. You ARE NOT your dad or your mom. If you want a women who will tell you to kiss off when you yell at her then find that woman but dont expect us all to be that way. Personally, you would not have had to ask me for help i would have taken half of your stuff so it was not cluttering you. BUT if you had asked me to carry that I would have and if you had said to not get the bad I would have anyway because that is me and not all women are weak.

Yes i said weak! To me that is weakness. If someone says dont do it and you dont but you pout about it and sulk that to me is weakness.

I am a mother of 4 , i cry about absolutely everything. Your won your game , i cry. You got an 80 on your test, I cry! You went potty, I cry! DH gets mad at me for forgetting a bill, I cry. It is not trying to get over on him or manipulation at all (in my case) its just that I am oversensitive and too emotional and it got worse with the more kids I had. BUT that does not mean I am weak. if i'm mad I'll speak up, I'll tell ya hey bite me! (LOL) or what the heck is wrong with you? I have a good ballance of both.

You need to find a woman that is strong willed and will stand for your arrogance and strength. Yes I say arrogance because you think because you feel a certain way that everyone should agree. IT is not nessesarily a bad thing but you certainly need that same strength in a woman. My husband is strong and demands things as well and I either do it or dont , I dont say ok then sulk. Marriage or any relationship is hard work and compromise. Dont take everything your parents did as solid reasurance for a relationship, parents are human and make mistakes. Read between the lines and follow your gut!. LOL

You did the right thing with not staying with her. good luck
It sucks that you feel that you've wasted a year of your life.. but you have to really try not to think of it like that. Every relationship is a learning experience... especially the failed ones!

Whether you were too much of this, or too little of that.. it still really seems to me that this all boiled down to being incompatible. She sounds like a high-maintenance girl that needs a guy who smothers her with attention, and pampering. That may not be you.. and that's ok.

I could understand her getting irritated that you were at starbucks longer than she would have liked... but it's not as if you two had made definite plans, and you blew her off. She shouldn't have made it a huge issue.

I believe the break up was your best option. She needs someone who is willing and able to drop everything for her. And she definitely needs professional help to deal with her instability. I hope she recognizes her problem and seeks out a counselor!

As for you, if you haven't already then I think you will soon find yourself dealing with a lot less stress and unnecessary aggrivation! Take what you've learned from this experience and apply it yourself and to your next relationship. Good luck!
[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3004080]I seem to get into these arguments with my girlfriend over ridiculous things. We were having a nice lunch at a restaurant and I bought a jar of home-made pasta sauce on the way out. I was holding my computer bag, gym stuff and an umbrella so I asked if she could hold the jar for me, since she only had her handbag. She wanted to go back in the restaurant for a plastic bag, but I said we didn't need the bag just for 1 jar. She kept complaining and started lagging behind me in proteest as we walked a couple blocks. I got irritated, snatched the jar back and said that I'd hold everything myself since it was too much to ask of her. For the rest of the day, she had a sulking, antisocial attitude towards me.

I was driving her home at night and said sarcastically that I really enjoyed the silent treatment all day. She said that my tone towards her was rude and I replied that her behavior was much ruder than my tone. She started crying, which she often does. I said that she should discuss what's on her mind instead of behaving this way. But she cried even harder (i would call it weeping) and I grew more irritated. I told her it was indecent to cry over a petty argument, as if some close relative had died. I don't know if crying is a tactic to seek comfort, but it just seems to spawn the opposite reaction in me. She was just so morose that finally I told her if she really thinks I treat her so poorly that she has to react this way, we should just end it now for her own sake. I don't want to be with someone who appears so unhappy with me.

Next, she went completely hysterical. She was sobbing and I was very irritated and tried to ignore her. But then she started screaming, pulling her hair and pounding her head and said that she didn't want to live. I screamed back that I was driving and that she was going to cause an accident. Finally, I had to pull over to restrain her. She seemed to have completely lost it and was sobbing uncontrollably. I've never seen someone break down like that. We just sat there for half an hour until she was calmer. Then she became very tender, held my arm and said that she loved me. Eventually, I took her home, told her to get some rest and said we'd talk tomorrow.

We've been together for a year, but now I'm starting to think that our personalities are mismatched. I just find sulking and gratuitous crying so unattractive in a woman and would like to be with someone who handles things more maturely. But now I really have to worrry about her emotional stability, given what happened last night. What should I do now?[/QUOTE]

My first question would be "Why are you having a nice lunch together at a restraunt and you have your Computer bag & gym bag with you?"
Maybe she feels you care more about these items rather than her and she doesn't feel like she has a right to say anything because you don't live together and that is driving her a little batty. Just a thought. I love the computer and ex hated it. Biggest argument we had. I would never think to take it on a date to a restraunt.
[FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]I think you should just move on. If you guys are incompatible then things will never work out. Why force yourself to be with someone who doesn't feel the same about things as you do??
This is only going to hurt you in the long run. You are better off trying to find your perfect match. Everyone gets dumped once or twice. She will survive. She does sound like a nut job though lol. Her tamper tantrums are very immature and it does sound like she was brought up VERY spoiled....possibly didn't have any brothers or sisters. Sounds like she use to throw fits and then mommy and daddy gave her what she wanted.

Time to pack your bags and settle with someone else. Someone whose a little more head strong, stable and doesn't wear her emotions on her sleeve.

I personally don't think there was a big deal with him having his computer or gym bag with him as long as he wasn't playing on the thing while they were eating or messing around in the gym bag. If that would cause someone to be upset then they ARE immature.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[QUOTE=nkfrisk;3041398]She said it was a sign of how little I cared about her and she now realized that "this is the type of person" I am. Another alleged sign of how little I care about her is that I always walk ahead of her in public. I couldn't believe how idiotic this was. I am 6'6, she is 5'4 and always walks at a snail's pace in high-heeled shoes. I cannot possibly move any slower than I already do. At this point, i remarked that she had spoiled another evening and wondered why she had come over if she was so mad at me. [/QUOTE]

Okay, if my SO always walked infront of me in public because I wore high heels and what he thought was at a snails pace, I would be SO insulted!!! You definately seem like a nice guy, dont get me wrong, but you definately are very arrogant... its almost as if your way is always the right way and everyone else is a fool. You should appreciate that your woman goes thru the torture, and yes it is tortue, to wear high heels when she is out with you because she is trying to look nice for you... dont insult her by telling her she walks at a snails pace and then walk infront of her because you cannot tolerate to walk so slow. Believe it or not, these little things eat up women bit by bit and it eventually drives them batty, esp if they have no other friends or family as you stated earlier your gf does not. You guys are bottom line INCOMPATIBLE... I hope you learn from this, even if you do find a strong woman, you do have faults that need addressing and its best if you acknowledge them and try to work on fixing them. Your GF has problems too but its not all her fault as I believe you are trying to persuade the audience here to believe.
[FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="green"]I really find it sad that everyone is being rude to the poster! The issue isn't whether he walks ahead of his girlfriend or whether he brings his friggin computer to a restaurant or the fact that she didn't need a bag for one measly item. The fact that SHE friggin flipped out IS THE ISSUE!
She acted like a complete idiot. Very immature and very inconsiderate of her bf. She SHOULD have offered to carry something without him even asking.... it's called common courtesy!!! I usually walk behind my boyfriend because I have knee problems and walk slower and he, by nature, walks faster then I do. He usually tries to slow down and keep up with me but sometimes it's uncontrollable. Most of the time we walk hand in hand...unless we are in a rush.

First off for one easily carryable item like a jar of spaghetti sauce she should NOT have needed a bag. That's just being lazy and wasteful.

Second flipping out in the car to the point she was pulling out her hair and smacking her head off of the window and distracting the driver FROM driving!! Again immature and ridiculous. I would have pulled over and kicked her out of the car and told her if she continues to act like a 6 year old she can walk home. She COULD have cause him to get into a car accident and HURT others.

Third He told her he was having an important dinner and she WAS invited. IT WAS her choice to not go so she had NO right to complain about him doing it.

Fourth AGAIN she flipped out.....

See a pattern here?? She needs to grow up!!!

You two are beyond compatible. She needs to seek some serious help and learn to not act like a 5 year old who can't get a new toy.

A mature WOMAN would never act like this ESPECIALLY in public! and if she does....then she isn't a woman and she needs to be checked into a mental hospital. Flipping out NEVER resolves any issues.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[QUOTE=TANKG!RL;3043482][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="green"]I really find it sad that everyone is being rude to the poster! The issue isn't whether he walks ahead of his girlfriend or whether he brings his friggin computer to a restaurant or the fact that she didn't need a bag for one measly item. [B]The fact that SHE friggin flipped out IS THE ISSUE![/B]
[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/QUOTE]

Right...if my husband did any of the things that you got in a fight over, I can't say that I wouldn't be ticked off too but good god...I wouldn't go crazy and start hitting myself! That's nuts...she's NUTS!:eek:
[QUOTE=TANKG!RL;3043482][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="green"]I usually walk behind my boyfriend because I have knee problems and walk slower and he, by nature, walks faster then I do. He usually tries to slow down and keep up with me but sometimes it's uncontrollable. Most of the time we walk hand in hand...unless we are in a rush.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/QUOTE]

Okay, I dont understand, it seems you are contradicting yourself.... in the first part you stated that you usually walk behind your husband in public because of your bad knee and then you go on to state that most of the times you walk hand in hand???

I am just trying to get the reader to realize that these things really can upset and make women feel as though their SO does not respect, care for them even if that is not the case. He stated that he ALWAYS walks ahead of his gf, or he did not correct that statement made by the gf when he stated it here which leads me to believe that he indeed for the most part makes it a habit of walking infront of her in public. I dont know, but I really would find it soooo incredibly hurtful if my husband were doing that, granted, every now and then he does do it, when I poop out or something, but on a regular basis, is really uncalled for. I cant believe any woman would find such behavior appropriate.
[FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]what I meant (sorry if it wasn't clear enough) is that majority of the time he walks a step in head of me. Sometimes we walk hand in hand like in the parking lot or if we are going for walks or in the mall. During grocery shopping I kinda lag behind. We try to get out of there as fast as possible so I fall behind lol. I hope that's a little easier to understand. I don't see why something so insignificant would cause someone to flip out though?? SHE is the one with the issues. NOT him. If it bothered her she should have been adult and said something.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[QUOTE=TANKG!RL;3044520][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"]what I meant (sorry if it wasn't clear enough) is that majority of the time he walks a step in head of me. Sometimes we walk hand in hand like in the parking lot or if we are going for walks or in the mall. During grocery shopping I kinda lag behind. We try to get out of there as fast as possible so I fall behind lol. I hope that's a little easier to understand. I don't see why something so insignificant would cause someone to flip out though?? SHE is the one with the issues. NOT him. If it bothered her she should have been adult and said something.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/QUOTE]

For what it's worth, it does sound to me like they both definitely had issues. Of course her issues were more significant, noticable and more urgent, for sure. But even if his only issue is selecting a woman like her to begin with (he said he was with her for a whole year) I think both of them have lessons to learn from this experience. I mean, I do think you have to look out for the little things, because even the little things that seem to be so silly and insignificant can build up. In China, women walk 6 paces behind the men because women are considered lesser persons (which is why so many Chinese girl babies are being adopted, with the one child per family rule that used to be in play there, a girl isn't considered worth anything, and if they only get one child, they want to be a boy, so the girl babies get adopted out, or killed) Just imagine you're walking with your boyfriend or husband or even a friend or sibling and they walk ahead of you so that you can't look at them, can't talk to them as you walk, etc. Let's face it, it's rude. And that, together with other tiny little insignificant but slightly rude things can build up and up and up until resentment and anger can set in. No doubt, this poor girl has serious issues to work out and I do hope she gets help, because it does sound like she needs professional help, and comes out of this stronger, more mature and wiser, but I do also hope this is a bit of an eye opener to the op as well. Next time, i think he just needs to keep his eye on the little things and pick a girl who either walks at the same pace as he does, or doesn't mind walking behind him all the time, or a woman he finds so lovable and enthralling that he doesn't mind slowing down his pace to walk with her.





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