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[QUOTE=doomcastirons;3012635]I basically told her before that until she starts thinking for herself to not talk to me anymore and now she thinks I broke up with her. The whole me picking her up thing is just the parent's opinion and she is free to believe what she wants but she just goes as if they're always right and she made it as if I was unreasonable because I wouldn't conform to their expectations and start picking her up whenever I see her. So until she realizes what she's losing, which she probably won't because she's so stubborn and holds her parent's expectations so high, I don't even want to see her and it's really tearing me up inside. I've never felt this way about anyone before and she's pretty much the girl I've been looking for my whole life and it completely destroys me inside thinking that I'm going to let her go for something so stupid.[/QUOTE]

Well, I gotta say if I were in her shoes, I'd think you dumped me too. "Don't call me until you change your tune/change your mind/think for yourself/whaveter" sounds like a break up.

It's unfortunate she got you to cancel all your plans and made you try to make all these plans and then canceled on you for a family event, but I chalk that up to her just being a 17-year-old kid and not being a fully formed adult yet, and there are times when any 17 year old girl will be a bit flaky. And as far as you getting upset at her parents for not letting her spend the night, I gotta say, if I had a 17 year old daughter, I wouldn't let her stay overnight with her boyfriend either. As long as she is living under my roof, my rules. It's her parents' job to teach her values and morals and etiquette and propriety and self respect, and they wouldn't be doing there job if they let her do whatever the heck she wanted, or whatever the heck you wanted her to do. And I also have to agree that her waiting at a bus stop after dark isn't cool either. You have to see it from their side. She may be almost 18, but she's still a minor for one thing, and she's still a single young girl and this world is a very dangerous place for young girls out alone after dark. It's not responsible to expect her to wait alone at a bus stop after dark. It hink maybe her parents are insisting you come pick her up as a test, to see just how much you respect her and how much you respect them and their rules and values and whether you are on the same page, or are going to be a bad influence and try to pursuade her away from the morals and values that they are trying to instill in her. Another thing young people don't always understand, you say it's not the 80s anymore, girls can spend the night with her boyfriends. Well, speaking just for me, I wouldn't care if it were 2007, 2017, or 2087. No 17 year old daughter of mine is spending the night with her boyfriend. My parents never allowed non married couples spend the night in the same bedroom in their house, and I respected their rules, and the only man I ever seriously dated darn well respected them too.

I agree with the above poster, you are going to get NO WHERE FAST trying to overrule her parents or trying to be a bad influence and pursuade her to disobey or be disrespectful to her parents. From what you've told us, you havent' really presented yourself to her parents as a respectful young man wanting to date their daughter and respecting their rules and their values and how they want their daughter to be treated. Of course you're going to have problems with them. Cardinal rule #1 of dating - The girl's dad is always right!!! If you're not willing to date her within her parents' parameters, then I don't see much of a future for this relationship. She's a nice girl from a nice home, and of course her parents are going to look out for her. And her first loyalty belongs to her parents, especially at this point in her life.
[QUOTE=doomcastirons;3012283]I'm sorry if you're getting tired of it(the ones who've read my rants before) but I really need to vent again.

I've talked in the past about how my girlfriend's parents are trying to control her every move. She tells me today that her father thinks it's dis-respectful that I don't pick her up when she comes over. I've been dating her for 6 months and he finally decides to ***** about it now, incredible. She has her license and couldn't wait to get it and her father gave her his old car, but now he doesn't want her taking it because he worries when she comes home. She'd usually take 1 bus to get here and I'd go get her at the bus stop and drive her home afterwards because her parents don't want her taking the bus after dark. But now her father says I should go pick her up AND drive her back because that's what he did when he first started dating his wife and that's what all my girlfriend's cousins are doing and now she's telling me maybe I should listen to him and go pick her up.

I'm getting really fed up with her parents. She told me to try and talk to them more and I figured I would to try and build a relationship so last weekend I tried to forget about all the things they did that irritated me and I talked to both of them for a while and this is how they reply.

I mean, we don't live in the 80's anymore. My girlfriend has a car and she can come here if she wants or she can take a bus which just goes down the main road. My car is pretty old and she lives about 15 minutes away on the main road and if I'd go pick her up, come back, drive her, come back, that's an hour on my car and it won't last till the end of summer. [B]I told her I wouldn't do it and that her father should mind his own business about how she chooses to come over but he always has something to say.[/B] Now she's telling me she 'doesn't know what she'll do' because her mother will know she asked me and when she finds out I said no she will say I'm "inconsiderate."

Seriously, I got really irritated with her parents just 2 weeks ago when they said she would not be able to sleep over or go anywhere with me for an overnight even though she will be 18 in 2 months until she leaves their house. I'm at the end of my rope here and I really don't know what to do.

Also, our 6 month anniversary is sunday and she was begging me to take her to a restaurant but not any restaurant, she didn't want a chain restaurant and she wanted table clothes with candles and menus and waiters so I am busting my *** trying to find one, I cancel my camping plans with my friends AND I cancel a bbq with work friends this weekend because she wants to go out. Today she tells me she forgot and that some cousin of her's has his communion and that it was 'important family stuff' and that she wouldnt be able to do anything for our anniversary. I told her to not go and she said it was sad that I said we couldn't do anything for our anniversary because she has family plans but doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of this arguement I mean she tells me to find a restaurant and then drops this bomb on me and when I go to cancel everything she says it's sad.

Honestly, I don't know what the hell to do anymore, please help if you can.[/QUOTE]

Her father is minding his own business. His most important business on the planet right now is his little girl, her safety, who's influencing her, who's taking care of her when she's not with him. If you love this girl as much as you say you do, I'm having a hard time believing you're okay with her sitting at a bus stop to come visit you. No, this isn't the '80s anymore. Crime is much, much higher today, and the crime has become much more violent, too.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's almost like you're expecting and wanting her to be some kind of rebel and go against her parents. And I don't think, based on what you've written, her parents are being unreasonable at all. Obviously she doesn't, either, if she's bringing up words like "inconsiderate" and basically saying her cousins' boyfriends are doing things for them that you're not.

I think you're going to be feeling like you're banging your head against a wall if you keep on with these expectations. You're dating a girl who still lives at home with her parents. There will be rules for her. Period. No fighting, no rebellion. Period. I think you need to respect that or move on and find someone more independent.

And, goodness, pick up the girl at her house for crying out loud! What is she, some kind of booty call?
[QUOTE=StenoLady1;3013262]Her father is minding his own business. His most important business on the planet right now is his little girl, her safety, who's influencing her, who's taking care of her when she's not with him. If you love this girl as much as you say you do, I'm having a hard time believing you're okay with her sitting at a bus stop to come visit you. No, this isn't the '80s anymore. Crime is much, much higher today, and the crime has become much more violent, too.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's almost like you're expecting and wanting her to be some kind of rebel and go against her parents. And I don't think, based on what you've written, her parents are being unreasonable at all. Obviously she doesn't, either, if she's bringing up words like "inconsiderate" and basically saying her cousins' boyfriends are doing things for them that you're not.

I think you're going to be feeling like you're banging your head against a wall if you keep on with these expectations. You're dating a girl who still lives at home with her parents. There will be rules for her. Period. No fighting, no rebellion. Period. I think you need to respect that or move on and find someone more independent.

And, goodness, pick up the girl at her house for crying out loud! What is she, some kind of booty call?[/QUOTE]

I AGREE
[QUOTE=doomcastirons;3012635]I basically told her before that until she starts thinking for herself to not talk to me anymore and now she thinks I broke up with her. The whole me picking her up thing is just the parent's opinion and she is free to believe what she wants but she just goes as if they're always right and she made it as if I was unreasonable because I wouldn't conform to their expectations and start picking her up whenever I see her. So until she realizes what she's losing, [B]which she probably won't because she's so stubborn[/B] and holds her parent's expectations so high, I don't even want to see her and it's really tearing me up inside. I've never felt this way about anyone before and she's pretty much the girl I've been looking for my whole life and it completely destroys me inside thinking that I'm going to let her go for something so stupid.[/QUOTE]

is she being the stubborn one or are you?? you're willing to lose a girl that you love so much because you're not willing to respect her parents? hmmmm.... and just because you've talked to them for a while doesn't mean they're going to forget about their rules. it sounds like you're making her the middle man of a fight that's really between her parents and you. if she's worth it to you, you need to get off your high horse and talk to them and to her. tell them how you feel and you need to let them know you understand that they're looking out for her daughter. if it's an issue of your car breaking down from picking her up so much, you can either take the bus over to her house or you need to let the parents know your situation and come up with a compromise. the only way you're going to win this is if you learn to respect her parents and deal with the rules they hand out. i know that's going to be difficult for you, since you sound a bit more independent, but that's the only way for this relationship to work right now. there is nothing wrong with listening to your parents. they are your support system and ultimately, no matter how unfair it may seem, they are just looking out for you and your well-being. i think your g/f (or is it ex-g/f?) realizes this and she's going to rely on them until she feels like she's got a good handle on life. if that's something you can't ultimately deal with then you need to move on and find a girl whose parents aren't as involved in her life.





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