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Relationship Health Message Board


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I want to thank everyone who put their two cents in. It is true that I get very insecure in relationships, which is a very bad characteristic, I know. To respond to Laylah's post about the trust being broken between me and him, it is a fact that the trust that I had in him has definitely been weakened.

He has lied to me before about things when he knew I would overreact. (ex: looking at porn). He knew I would overreact (like yell at him, and start an argument) so he would lie to me about having looked at it. Yes, I was mad when he lied to me, but after understanding why he did it, I guess I cannot blame him; he didn't want to start an argument and have me blow up at him for something he didn't think was wrong. Over time, I did come to get over the whole porn thing and now we can talk about it openly and he doesn't have to lie to me anymore about it. That was definitely one hurdle that I didn't think I would overcome, but I realized that until I "got over it" it would not be easy for him to just admit these things to me.

I definitely realize that until I "get over" the fact that he is still friends with his ex and still talks to her, it will be difficult for him to speak openly to me about it. I will give him credit, however. He would usually tell me when she called and he picked up. The things that he did not tell me, even when I asked him, was that he returned her calls if she left him a message or he had a missed call from her. Dealing with his lies is really excruciating on me right now. I love him so much, though, and I do understand why he did it, even though it is no excuse.

I know that I will push him away if I keep on hassling him about it. So I am definitely determined to try and make it work b/c I don't want this relationship to end. It is, however, going to be really hard to rebuild the trust knowing that he lied to me about it. While I don't condone what he did (the lying), I can understand and see why he did it. Honestly, if I had known he was returning her calls, I'm sure the last few months apart would have been even more trying than they have been. I guess ignorance is bliss sometimes, even though when you finally find out, it's that much more hurtful.

Thank you again for everyone's input. I know that I probably sound like the most difficult gf (I probably am), but I feel very lucky that he's willing to work with me on this and that he puts up with everything I dish out to him. If anyone else wants to share their story or advice, I would love to read it. Thank you! :wave:





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