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Hello all,

I am new to this board. I am feeling so low at the moment, I came here to ask you for more help with the situation I am in. I feel so helpless.

I have been with my ex-boyfriend for 3 years. For the last half of our relationship, we were in a long-distance relationship. He told me back in January that something has be done with the distance. but the way he told me that was more like a thread rather than trying to talk about everything. He said if we don't come closer to each other within the next 6 months, he will end it. I was so upset but I tried my best to do everything I could. However, in March he turned round and said that he doesn't want to continue our relationship. I was so devasted.

So when he broke up with me in March and when I tried to move on and not to have any contact with him, he was sending me messages saying he is gutted and that I am destroying any chances for us to be together in the future in case he moves close to my country. He was telling me how it's killing him and becasue I still have so much feelings, I felt so much guilt, I answered. We spoke together a few times, he was telling me that he doesn't want to loose me and that he doesn't understand why I would like no contact with him. he said that we are not enemy so why. I said to him that this is the only way I can get over the break up and to move on and to forget. He said he hates the way I deal with it.

I asked him what does he really want. He said he is torn, he says he suffers as he isn't sure he is doing the right thing but at the same time he doesn't want to have a long-distance relationship anymore. He said he would appreciate if we could still be in contact. He said he is afraid that we stop all contact, we will forget each other compeltely and if he changes his mind later, he is worried that I will be happy with someone else.

So he made me feel so guilty for wanting no contact with him. We had a couple of more conversations. He also said that if I went out with someone else, I can forget him and he will delete me from his life. He said that it would kill him. I said I am not going out with anybody but it's not fair what he is doing as he is breaking up with me.

So about 2 weeks ago, I was really down about the whole situation, I was so confused and so lost as he has said all these things. I asked him to talk again, he called me. But the conversation didn't go very well as I expressed to him how confused I am about everything and that I would appreciate some clarity. He started to be angry and said to me that nothing has changed since March and that I don't want to respect his decision. I said to him that it's not true but I am confused after his messages and calls. He said that he is fed up how he always has to explain everything, he said he doesn't want to have a long-distance relationship anymore and that for now it's over between us. I was so upset and so hurt again. I told him that I find it really hard how when I was trying to move on, he came begging me not to contact contact with him and that he doesn't want to loose me and now he is like this. He said that he can see how am I not respecting his decision and that he doesn't want to spend each week trying to talk about the situation. He said he is fed up. I was so sad.

So I spoke to him last night again after a week of no conversation. And he was shouting at me, he said that he is so fed up and that I am the most annoying girl and that he is more and more disappointed with me. I told him that I would just appreciate some clarity so I can act accordingly. Also because he really confused me when he was saying he is not sure and he needs time to decide and so on. He said that nothing has changed and I don't want to respect his decision. I asked him if it means that it's over for good, he said for now it is, he said maybe he will come to my country later so we can try again. But he said that if I will harrass him with these questions, it's over for good. I could not believe how he has hurt me again. I mean in March when I was really upset and hurt about the break up, he was gutted that I am not replying to him and he was asking me all these questions and now when I wanted to ask him for clarity, he is really mean and cold towards me?!

The worst thing is that he told me last night that he is so disappointed with me how I am dealing with the situation. I told him that if it's over for good, I thank him for the final answer and I said now I will at least try to move on and heal. He started to shout at me that first I put all the mess between us, he tells me that and now I want to disappear. He said he is so disappointed and he realised what kind of person I am. I feel so bad. I mean I was just trying to find out some answers, to know for sure but he has made me feel so bad if I cut all contact with him. He said he was always there for me, he never ignored me and I am so selfish and mean to stop all contact with him. I said that unfortunately that's the only way I can move on and respect his decision. He said that he is devastated. He then said if I asked for his job in my company as he said if he could come to my country, we could try. I said to him at first that if we are now over that I no longer need to ask for him. But he started to say how nasty I am. I just don't know what to do.

So anyway,in the end I told him that if it's the end for good and he doesn't care anymore for me, I really need to go and heal. He started to say how he gives up as he has never said that he doesn't care for me, he said on contrary he does and thathe said that he never said it's the end for good. He said if he comes to my country, we can try again. He said I always twist his words and he said I make him feel so bad. He said he has given up trying. Anyway, we said good bye.

I am in such a pain. He emailed me today telling me that he needs peace and time to move on so it's better if we don't contact each other for some time. He said he would be happy to hear from each other again later. But now he needs to feel better and he doesn't want to fight like this. He said that for now it's completely over and maybe if does come to my country, we can try again.

I am so devastated. He has made me feel such a bad girl, such a bad person, I just feel so hurt. And the fact that he has made it sound as if I harrass him with questions, I just feel so bad. I dont know what to do.

Please help. I know I need to move on, but he has made it so much harder now as I feel so bad. Can you please tell me what do you think? Sorry that it's so long but I had to explain the situation. I am so hurting right now. I just don't know what to do. I feel so guilty.
The onlhy thing i get from teh conversation that you typed that the two of you had was that he didnt want to have a long distance relationship and will screw who he pleases while he is where is he and if he comes back to your area would like to screw you as well.

sorry to be bold but I think you need to be empowered a little more with my words! He is a jerk and wants everything. Well touch he cant have the milk from one cow then another. Stop calling or texting or emailing him. If he does it to you then say this " I cared for you, I told you i wanted a clean break and not to talk to you, you said you wanted to talk and I got confused and wanted clarity! You didnt want to give me clarity so I am clarifiing things for you and me. DO NOT have any corespondance with me at all. You are my ex boyfriend and I will be moving on. Thank you for the fun times and hope you are well and have a great future. But again I repeat dont bother with contacting me as I wont be responding anymore. I will not be the one you have waiting IF you decide to come to my area. I respect myself far more than that." Thank you sincerely special girl.

We are with ya! You are not wrong!

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