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Relationship Health Message Board

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I have to agree with happymom on this one. I know what she says comes from the heart as mine as well.

I think you really need to have a heart to heart with him. You need to tell him your fears about being pregnant and loosing another baby. NOT that you NEED to get pregnant right now. Sit with him and dont ask to have a baby....TELL him that WHEN you have a baby with him you fear that you will loose this baby as well and that you are scared.

If your gut and your heart says you love him then dont give him an utlimatum. I beleive one of the posters said that they waited 7 years and they have a great life. Well it's not your biological clock that is ticking that i think you fear....I think that you fear that you need time to get pregnant and if you unfortunatly misscarry that you have time to have another. I dont mean to sound so bold or cruel..I truely dont, this comes straight from the heart...I mean that your head is panicking over this and your body is turning into knots thinking of it therefore you are gettting angry with bf about not wanting to rush this.

I think before anything else you need to go to the OB and talk to them about this. If your last still birth was several years ago then your body needs to be examined by a Reproductive Endocronologist and find out why. They will ask you questions like

Was your RH factor different from the man that you got pregnant with before. This seems simple but it is very serious if you were rh - and he was rh + or vise versa...that means that if you and your bf are also different there might be problems. Also did you have all the blood testing during the pregnant to find out about downs, or the triple screen and everything else they do?
Was your uterus/cervix shaped differently because your mom had DES when she was pregnant with you? I know that you are 29 and i think they stopped using the drug in 1971 but you need to ask your mom or see if her mother used it. You could be 3rd generation DES, so please ask and tell mom that this is important and not to fib about it.

Also get the history of your mom,grandma too about miscarriages as well. THE RE will need to know this.

You need to be monitored during a few cycles to see what your levels are at peek times. Is your prgesterone low during day 21, did they ever say you need extra progesterone to get through the pregnancy?

I would also have to ask as well, are you looking at bf as a potential sperm donor and you just want to have a baby no matter what? THe reason I ask this is because you say that for 3 years you have been with him and he doesnt seem to want to have children but you have not said that you have gone to the dr. either to find out why you are having m/c's and prepraing for anohter birth either. You needed to do that already if you are planning to have more children soon. Even if he says yes you still need to preprare because you are the one who needs the medical attention and if you get pregnant you need to know BEFORE hand why you are m/c. RE's can test your cycles and see if there is a potential problem or a medical condition that is doing this.

You are not being selfish for wanting a baby, BUT you do need to figure out if this is the guy for you and if this was just oh i'll stay because I want to get pregnant. Many women have babies at 33-40 even older. Personally I wouldnt want to be that old but hey to each his own . I had my first at 21 and my 2nd at 29 ( i went through fertility treatments) but when I got married to my 2nd husband after 3months of trying and a year off the pill prior to that I said something was wrong and too measures to find out what was wrong. I have thyroid issues. (which you should check as well, thyroid disease causes misscarriages).

If you see that he is not interested or you sit with him and ask him seriously if in the future he wants kids then you and he says no then you knwo what you have to do. If he says yes you have to also consider what kind of father he will be....will you be stuck with the baby all the time and he show no support, will you get pregnant and you do all the work, do you both make enough to have a child and raise it? are you in debt? There are things that you need to think about it. If you get pregnant what is your ins like incase you wind up with another preemie and hospitalization for that baby is requiered? You dont need to answer to me but you shoudl ask yourself these questions and answer them , make yourself a checklist.

But first and foremost talk to him and get yourself to the dr. either way you need to get a full check up and physcial exam (thyroid included) and find out why you m/c , what your rh and his is, if hte other man was different then yours?

good luck

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