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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


:( Awwww...poor Jack. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened with you and this girl. Boy, I know how it feels to like a friend a LOT, only to find out later that this person doesnt' feel the same way. :( It's [B]NOT [/B]the greatest feeling in the world.

[B]BUT![/B] You know what?? It's [B]not [/B]the [I]end [/I]of the world either!
I agree with Desmaggie's quote below...especially the parts in bold.


[QUOTE=desmaggie;3153347][B]Don't wait too long for something that may never happen. You have built this girl up on a pedistal. No one is perfect, everyone has there things.[/B] Why don't you try getting out and distance your self from this attraction which seems all consuming from you, it almost seems an obsession...now your getting a job where she works. Allow yourself to be at least indeferent about other women (rather than saying they're not as good/perfect as her) and see what happens. You're still young and deciding at this point that she is the onlyl one that can make you happy is not healthy in my opinion. Maybe go to some counselling appointments? You don't want to spirl into a depression and in all honesty if she is watching you that isn't going to help attract her. [B]Live your life and live it well, she will see you happy, doing things, seeing other women that may be what she needs to have a light bulb go on in her head and thinks "oh" I do have feelings for him, I didn't realize until I couldn't have him.[/B] And even if that happens it maybe to late you may meet someone else and realize that what you felt for her was infatuation not love.[/QUOTE]

It sounds like you are very consumed by your attraction for this girl. I'm sure she's very wonderful, but unfortunately the [B][U]TRUTH [/U][/B]of the matter is (at least at this point in time) that she is taken...and taken by one of your good friends at that! How would your friend feel if you made a move on his girlfriend?? How would YOU feel if one of your buddies did this to you?? I think there are a lot of different things at play here.

Even if she is attracted to you, she's still with her boyfriend, and still loves him. If she didn't love him, she probably would have left him by now...[U]ESPECIALLY [/U]if she knew that someone else confessed feelings for her.

My BEST advice for you Jack?? Would be to draw back ever so slightly away from her and her boyfriend. Just go out, have fun, and live your life. Find other girls to get to know. Afterall, there was a time when you didn't even KNOW this girl. Just because this girl seems "perfect" doesn't mean that she is the ONLY girl who could have a lot of things in common with you. You may even find down the line that you're attracted to a girl who has many different hobbies than you. Who knows?? Maybe if she sees you with another girl she will notice her attraction for you (if there is any). Just keep in mind however, being attracted to someone physically, and actually being in LOVE with them are two [B]TOTALLY [/B]different things. At least...they are for us girls. ;)

But definitely [B]keep your distance for a little while[/B]. Not only will it help you slowly get over her a little bit, but it will also help you keep your dignity. In fact, my advice would be to quit working where she's working (unless it was strictly pure coincidence that you & she work at the same place), because then things could be VERY awkward. Not only that, but she could start to think that you are trying to follow her, etc. You want to show her that even though you have/had strong feelings for her, you are NOT a loser...you [B]CAN [/B]find another girl that you like that will like you back! She is not the be-all, end-all. Sometimes girls can (sad to say) get the impression that a guy is desperate if they simply can't take "no" for an answer. This girl has given you her answer. Believe her. Usually girls don't just outright lie about their feelings for a guy especially if the guy has already come to them and has honestly told the girl how he feels.

[B]PLEASE[/B]...don't beat yourself up Jack. I know life feels hard living right now, but trust me...there will be other girls. You're only what...20 years old?? You're young! I'm sure lots of girls would like to be with you. You just have to take off the blinders in order to see them. Right now, you've been so fixated on this one girl, that you haven't been able to (probably) see any other girls who [I]might [/I]even be interested in [B]YOU[/B]! Once you change your focus away from this girl, you will be able to see the other girls. It's like a camera lense. You've zoomed in so close to this girl, that you have probably missed some other girls in the distance surrounding this girl. Zoom OUT and you might see a world of possibilities with a lot of other different girls. :)





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