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Am I just stupid?
Jun 30, 2007
Ok. So almost a year and a half ago I was introduced to this guy. We went out that night and had a good time and I ended up passing out at his house. (and no we didn't have sex) The next morning he took me home and that's where it all started!!

From that point on we talked daily and seen eachother at least twice a week, if not more.. We have done so much together its crazy! So we are still seeing eachother now but, now I am feeling very lonely and especially tonight kinda abandon...

Before meeting him I was told and I guess kinda warned that he lives a very open lifestyle! We met and hit it off so I just kept that in mind and kept my guard up. The more and more time I would spend with him the more comfortable I got with him. I feel like he's my best friend. He is truly a great person, and I trust him more than I trust anyone. I know he cares for me, and even loves me. He makes me smile when I'm sad, he brings me up when I'm down, he watches out for me and my best interest. Just getting a text message from him makes me smile. We've spent holidays and birthdays together and I think back to the things that he has done that really has made me feel so good and happy. He respects my children, and has even taken them to do fun stuff, and without hesitation has went to do things with myself and the kids and made it even more fun. So sometime in the year and a half my guard fell down without me even knowing!!! I cant even explain the feelings that I have for him. In feeling this way, why do I feel so empty now.. I mean there is this guy that can brighten my day with a simple text message, make me feel so good just by the way he looks at me. Tells me how beautiful I am. Well I could go on and on about all the great things he has said and done, but the real issue is the hurt I am feeling right now.......

So here is the part that you all might think I am completely nuts for putting up with........

I mentioned that I was warned because of his lifestyle. Well he does see other girls. He does have sex with other girls. He has more girls that are "friends with benefits" than anyone I have ever met in my life! And let me just say, I have met many men that I have turned my nose up to for being players! But with him I just feel different. I have not, and would not turn my nose up toward him. I think its because he was up front and honest from day one. I don't understand why I except this behavior. We have NEVER even called eachother BF or GF..

I have stayed up many night wondering where is he? Is he thinking about me? Is he with another girl? Now I have reached the point where I will stay home, not even work because what if he calls and wants to see me.. I mean a year ago I didn't have to do that. I knew I would see him every few days. Now if I see him once a week I look at that as being a lot! There have been a few times that I have been near his house and I just wanted to surprise him and stop by, but I don't because I am scared I will find him with another girl. (even though I know that is what he is doing, I just don't want to run into it!) On his birthday I went and bought his gift and it was too big for me to carry around so I went over there without calling so I could surprise him with something I know he would absolutely love and I was shaking so bad when I got there! I have met some of the girls that he is "friends" with, and for the most part I am fine with it. They have been very nice to me, even a few have called and asked me to hang out.. Well there is one girl in particular that I DO NOT LIKE! She has been my friend to my face, than the second I turn around she is trying to do things just to get under my skin.

Well, he and I had a talk the other night and he told me how much he cared about me and how lucky he was to have me in his life. I than told him I wanted more. I wanted him to be MINE and If he wanted me I would be HIS! Things lead up to this discussion, we normally just don't talk about US... I have posted on a different board about the topic that lead to this talk... I needed some advice on a problem that he was having. I will copy it to this so don't get completely confused when you see it..

So this is what I posted on different boards~
My boyfriend came to me last night and told me he needed to talk to me. He than said he had developed a rash on his penis a week after a sexual "episode" we had together. Well this was like 3 weeks ago, and I have no rash at all so I told him to let me see it. I looked and it was little pinkish very light red spots on the tip of his penis. He said there has been NO pain what so ever and that for one day they went away than came back the next. They were not open sores, and I even was pushing on them to see if it hurt. He said they were raised a little at first, and had one or two about two inches above the head but those went away..

Now I am confused on what this may be. But when I think about it, about two days after the "episode" I did get a yeast infection. I used the 3 day cream and it seemed to be ok. On like the forth day him and I had sex. Could he have developed a yeast infection, or maybe was there still a little cream left in me that he may be allergic to?

Please tell me what you think....
And YES he has been to the doctor but they said it was to soon to do any blood work...

So anyway, after we talked out the above topic is when he went on to tell me how lucky he was and how I am the closest thing he has ever had to a relationship in many years! Like I said I told him I wanted more of him, and I want to be his #1!!!!! He than told me I absolutely was his #1 and that I get 98% of his free time.. I felt good about the talk. The reason I except him for who he is, is because I look at life realistically. Every friend I have that is either married or just in a long term relationship has been cheated on by their spouse. Including me and my ex husband that I never in a million years would have thought he would have ever cheated.. (and im not saying im an angel here either. i have made my share of mistakes) So rather than telling my BF or husband if that ever happens again, they better be faithful and only be with me for the rest of their lives, I just ask not to carry on a metal relationship with anyone else. I just look as it as sex is sex. Its just another body. there are no feelings involved, so why end my marriage or have an ugly break-up over something that meant nothing.. As long as I am the best friend, and the only one their heart belongs to than why have my heart broken. (is that wrong to think that way?)

So anyway the talk was done, I felt good about it, we were going to get past this... Well yesterday I asked him what his plans were for the weekend and he said the same ol Friday night meet up and 4-wheeling.. I than said, I want to go 4-wheeling. All he said was oh you do..... I thought to myself, hmmm that's a weird responce. So I than asked if he had anyone riding with him. He said yes, it is the girl I don't like. I guess she has a friend flying into town and they wanted to go 4-wheeling.. I just sat there. He said he would rather have me go, but he didn't think I would have a good time cuz it was just all the guys talking about trucks and drinking beer... Well that was just stupid to me cuz I have been lots of times and I always have a good time. It just hurts my feelings because we JUST had a talk and I said all I wanted was to be #1 and wished he would let me at least look over the wall he has put up as a guard. And to be honest its really hurtful who he took.. I feel like he has said I'm gonna drop this bomb in your lap than leave you to sit and ponder on it while I take this girl that had disrespected you out and have a good time.. AND to top it off It has been 2 days and not a phone call. Yesterday I got 1 text message and instant messaged eachother for a while, but NOTHING today!

I don't know.... I was going to work tonight, but what if he calls while I'm there and I don't get to talk to him.. And don't get me wrong, I'm not one to sit and wait for a call. Its just that I feel like I rarely talk to him so I feel like I have to do that if I want to hear his voice. It's just crazy... He even says I could get anyone I wanted, why him? And I just don't know.. I wont put in another year + into anyone else ever again.

So I sit here on a Friday night alone wondering if I'm even on his mind at all.....

I don't want anyone to think this guy is a complete a*s. He is very caring, and super sweet, and makes me feel so good most of the time. I just wished he realized what and who I am. I want to just shake him and say you're an adult now stop living the life if a 20 year old.

So if anyone has any advice please do tell... I'm just frustrated right now and needed to vent.. :confused: :eek: :confused: :eek: :confused: :eek:

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