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This is a very delicate situation. I have so many questions to ask you, but that's all right. I will try to give you my opinion basing it only on what your message highlights.

Did you know that in some traditional cultures (Tibet?) a woman is allowed to have more than one husband? So, if you were an inhabitant of such a place, what is now a problem for you would be a green light. Do you think there will come a time in the West when women will be so powerful as to be legally able to have two or more husbands? I really have no idea what they do about the children. How do they know who the father of each child is, if they can't somehow judge by the looks?

I really don't know if it is possible to love two men or two women for that matter to the same degree. This has never happened to me, or at least not in such a way that I would feel forced to make a choice. Perhaps you love one man slightly more than the other, and your boyfriend seems to be number one. The thing is, since this is not Tibet, you can't keep them both. Either you keep one of them, or you remain alone.

You are responsible for the welfare of your girls (and so is your husband), but you shouldn't let them decide what is better for you in terms of a relationship. Don't make your choice only with your girls in mind, because if you do, you will probably regret it later. They will grow up, leave home and won't live their own lives for you, will they? However, if you decide to choose your husband over your boyfriend just because you want to keep your family together, nobody can accuse you of being selfish, but it is self-forgetting and you should be prepared for a lot of mental rumination (a lot of what if's?).

If you divorce your husband, do you think you can pick up the pieces of your relationship with Wes? Now that you are a single woman, do you think he will be the same? Or will he perhaps be frightened by the new responsibilities? I don't mean to hurt you, but unless I am wrong, Wes could be a mirage. As soon as he learns you are free, he may vanish into the thin air. Maybe not. Maybe he will go on being a gentleman. Who knows? My other impression about him (and again I may be wrong) is that, however real your love for him is, he was no more than a temporary crutch to your emotional needs: you were hurt, you felt abandoned and alone, and then he came into the picture. Of course you couldn't let him go. What I mean to say is that your relationship with Wes has not yet had its baptism of fire or its acid test: a test that will prove beyond doubt that it is for real.

Probably your husband cheated on you, but you say he is a different man now. If I were you, I would give him a third chance. Try to see the good things about him, the effort he has made to become a new man. Try to forget about his past mistakes and give yourself plenty of time (a few more months, who knows how many?) to see whether life with becomes first tolerable, then acceptable and lastly pleasant. He has not been helpful in the past with the girls (in part due to his career), but maybe he can help you now. His willingness to help could be your first touchstone to check if he really changed himself. Anyway, you will know what to do.

Now, if you find that you can't trust him any more and that life with him is really unbearable, then consult a lawyer. Divorce him in a way as amicable as possible, in the interest of your girls, and put your life in order first. Don't run into Wes. First re-arrange your life, it may take one or even two years (or maybe less) before you are ready to fully enter a new relationship.

Have you ever heard about Karma? It is nothing to be afraid of. It is simply another way of re-writing the old saying: "As you sow, so shall you reap." You create your own Karma. I don't think you have done anything wrong (and again who can judge you?), but now it's your chance to do as best as you can: see if it can get better with your husband, if not leave, and then reorganize your life before starting a new relationship. Go slowly, but persevere, and may you have a plenty of good things to reap.





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